The Real Housewives of New Jersey Season Two Reunion – Part 2

WARNING: It is highly recommended that you refrain from ingesting liquid beverages while reading this blog. If you use an inhaler, please make sure you have it ready. If you are pregnant, nursing, or have a heart condition, please consult your doctor before continuing.

Well I’m 10 minutes into the reunion (that’s without commercials) and I’m not sure what’s going on. It hard to follow the conversation because no one finishes a sentence or bothers to stay on topic. Everyone is yelling and talking over one another. I think I heard “whore” and “wench”. Wench? Really? Are we back in the 1800’s?  I don’t even know what they are arguing about. The only thing I’m sure of at this point is that Teresa needs to either cross her legs or put her hands back in her lap because one wrong move and we are dangerously close to seeing some chucky.

While Caroline and Jacqueline insult Danielle, Teresa begins to mimic her words and movements. My brother used to do this to me when we were ten. TEN! Is it any wonder Teresa’s kids are so horribly behaved? In another year Gia is going to be more mature than her mother. Teresa was trying to make fun of Danielle, but the only thing she accomplished was making herself look like an utter fool. Classy:

Danielle does what I would have done at the very first insult and walks off, and then even Andy starts yelling at her! I really don’t like Andy anymore. He called Ramona and the other NY women bullies for not letting Kelly speak. And gave them heat for calling Kelly crazy which is not so much an insult as it is the truth. But Andy allows these women to hurl really disrespectful insults at Danielle and then yells at her when she wants to walk away? That’s it. I do not like Andy Cohen anymore. Officially on my shit list.

Run Danielle!

Jac gets up like she wants to fight and Andy has to put her back in her seat. Teresa yells at her to come back out, reminding her that she took boxing lessons. Teresa says she would fight Danielle for 100 thousand dollars. If they put it on pay per view, they just might be able to reach that amount.

Danielle calls Jacqueline a Vegas whore. I would make a joke about Danielle making this comment while dressed like a hooker, but I already did that in my last blog.

Danielle claims that Lori can attest to the fact that she doesn’t sleep with men.
Anymore Danielle. Anymore is the key word here.
No one accused her of sleeping with a man yesterday. But whatever. Let’s all ignore the facts and just insult each other some more.

Danielle says “Round em up”. I  have no idea what that’s supposed to mean.

Danielle reveals that her and Caroline are the same age. I didn’t know that. But I don’t belive Danielle’s accusations that Caroline is jealous of her looks. Clearly Caroline does not care about appearances. No one with a mirror and an ounce of vanity could leave the house with hair like that.

During the break Andy scolds Teresa and Jacqueline for getting off the couch again. You know what Bravo – if this is the type of shit we have to watch, why don’t you just go to a grade school play ground and film the kids picking on each other and getting lectured by the teachers?

Now Andy wants to talk about Dina leaving the show. Seriously Andy? Dina, again? All of a sudden it’s ok to bring up Dina. Even Danielle gets to talk about her this time. Way to be consistent.
Caroline starts going on about how it was supposed to be a fun family show and Danielle ruined it bla bla fucking bla… No Caroline! It’s not supposed to be a fun family show for you to create memories with. If that’s the kind of show you wanted to be on then you should have signed a contract with TLC. It’s supposed to be entertainment for us – the viewers. And your “cute” family scenes are just not entertaining enough so now you have to deal with Danielle. That’s what you get for being boring. Now I would appreciate it if you would do your job and start entertaining.

This basically sums up Caroline in this episode:

A viewer wants to know if Jacqueline takes responsibility for Ashley’s actions since she is the one who raised her. Jacqueline doesn’t know if she should be held responsible for Ashley’s behavior or not. Hmmm… I wonder? She decides to go with the “she’s an adult and I can’t control her” excuse. Totally ignoring the fact that Ashley hasn’t been a (legal) adult for very long and that clearly this behavior did not develop over night. Jacqueline just doesn’t understand why Ashley turned out bad because they’ve “tried so many different parenting techniques with her”. Well, you think that may be the problem Jac? I know you read my blog, so let me help you out: click me

Danielle still thinks “Bye” is a death threat. Omg do we really need to talk about this? Who cares anymore? As someone on twitter said yesterday; “Bye” is only a threat if the person is holding a gun to your head when they say it.

Andy wants to talk about twitter! Yay I love twitter. Danielle said she never saw the Ashley/suicide tweet. Danielle claimed that she was replying to another one of his tweets that day, not the suicide one. No matter which tweet she hit “reply” on, I don’t believe that she didn’t see that tweet. We all saw it, and people were re-tweeting it and talking about it all day. I also remember there being a few tweets between them that day, not just a reply to a birthday wish. People are on twitter as I type this trying to solve the mystery, so I’m sure there will be updates to this story in the comments section.
That tweet crossed the line, I’m not disputing that, but right now I’m totally wishing I had been the one who sent it. Do you know how much I would be bragging if my tweets had been discussed on the reunion show? Good plan. Mental note: death threats before DC reunion.

Teresa is still sticking to her “I was just be’in nice” version of the country club story. Andy totally lets her get away with it. Fucking pussy. We are half way through and nothing shocking has happened yet. This reunion totally sucks. Why don’t we just burn Danielle at the stake and get it over with?

Next we have a courtroom demonstration of the hair pull. Sorry guys but I’m totally siding with Danielle on this one. I have extensions and I don’t doubt Danielle’s story for a minute. I know how incredibly painful it is just having them attached, and also having them removed in the salon. I can’t even imagine having them ripped out.

Jacqueline uses the opportunity to pull Teresa’s hair. She pretends that she was just trying to give her own demonstration, and giggles about it. But I think we all know she was just looking for an excuse to hurt Teresa without getting beat up.

Danielle insists that she heard Ashley threaten to kill her. Caroline accuses Danielle of perjury. I bet Caroline is regretting that right now considering all the new evidence that has come out against Teresa. So do you or don’t you approve of perjury Caroline? There is no way Caroline is going to be able to defend Teresa next season without looking like a huge hypocrite.

Kim G took a little detour on her way to the prom and stopped by the reunion.

Caroline says that Kim is like The Wizard of Oz, “they ask and she appears”. Has Caroline ever seen The Wizard of Oz? He did not just appear. Dorothy had to go through a whole lot of crap to find him.

Danielle tries to call out Kim for stirring up trouble at the Brownstone by repeating Chris’s comment about having a “big surprise” waiting for them – and leaving out the part that is was regarding the way they were dressed. I would like to hear Kim’s answer to this. Kim gives a total bullshit response and then deflects the question by accusing Danielle of something-or-other. And this is what moderators are for, Andy. To control the floor and make sure people stay on topic. Andy sucks at this. If he weren’t the boss he would have been fired by now.

Andy wants to know if Caroline will have lunch with Kim now that she’s not friends with Danielle anymore. Kim is really hoping Caroline says yes.

But Caroline doesn’t believe in having friends who aren’t related to you through blood, marriage, or Godmothership. Kim G is heart broken.

Teresa asks Kim how old she is. I don’t know, but she looks old enough to be Jacqueline’s mother. Kim avoids the question. We talk about how Kim G is related to Kim D and other bullshit that no one cares about while ignoring the real issues.

Kim and Teresa get into it for a minute but that argument doesn’t really go anywhere, and then that’s it. Kim G’s time is up. Wtf?! Can we have some more Kim/Teresa drama please?! Can we read some more tweets? Can we ask Jacqueline how she can not hate the woman who testified against her daughter in court? Can we call out Kim for using Danielle to get on the show, or how about the fact that she clearly stabbed her in the back on purpose hoping it would get her “in” with the Manzo’s? Andy you suck!

All the women agree on disliking Kim G except for Jac who insists that she doesn’t mind her. I’m not surprised. Jac would be friends with Jeffery Dahmer if he asked her to be.

Caroline wants to know what she ever did to Danielle. Danielle basically says (and I’m paraphrasing because it was hard to follow with all the constant interruptions) that neither her nor Caroline directly did anything wrong to each other. But if Caroline is going to insist that a transgression against Dina or Jac counts as a transgression against her, then by the same logic Danielle can claim that a transgression made by either Dina or Jac can be considered a transgression by Caroline. The answer makes sense. But Caroline was too busy listening to the sound of her own voice and plotting her next sarcastic response to hear it.

Interesting: Danielle says that in the court room she offered to drop the charges if Ashley apologized to her and Ashley laughed and said “no”. Not only does Jac not deny that this happened – she starts making excuses for it.

All Danielle wanted was an apology from Ashley and for them to agree that she didn’t deserve to have her hair ripped out. But no, the Manzo’s have “integrity” and would rather be charged in court than apologize to someone as “beneath them” as Danielle. Looks like they are still trying to win at that losing game.

Teresa tells Danielle that Jacqueline “wouldn’t never have done dat to your daughter.” Ok Teresa. Just sit there and play with your hair, none of these question have anything to do with you.

Suddenly Jacqueline realized “Oh shit. I’m totally coming off as a total bitch. Did I just defend my daughter for pulling someone’s hair and refusing to apologize for it? Oh no, people on the blogs and twitter are going to crucify me for this. All I want is for everyone to like me! Quick, think Jac, think… how do I fix this?” And then she came up with a genius plan to revive some of her “nice girl” image from season one. Apologize to Danielle!!

Caroline is piiiiiised.

Jacqueline and Danielle both try to apologize, but they keep interrupting each other and I don’t think either one really wants to hear what the other has to say – they just want their part to be heard.

And then finally, the moment we have all been waiting for. The totally shocking unexpected thing is: Lesbian love affair!
Yes, it’s true. There was a lot of whispering going on and it was hard to hear what they were saying, so I put the captions on and took screen shots so you all can see.

Well I wasn’t expecting that. I’m so glad Bravo kept their promise and delivered a surprise ending. Because if the two minute preview clip would have turned out to be more interesting than the entire two part reunion, I would have been pretty pissed.

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Click here to read Caroline Manzo’s Bullshit Bravo Blog

Click here to read Teresa Giudice’s Bullshit Bravo Blog

If you think Andy Cohen sucks as reunion host click here and sign the petition.