The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – I Decided Which One Is The Most Insane, And It’s Allison Dubois

I’m writing this recap on my lap top at the salon. I was going to wait until tomorrow to write it, but there was such a strong reaction from everyone yesterday so I figured I better get it done asap. Remember what I was saying the other day about taking a break from blogging until after the holidays? Yeah, me neither.

Before I start the recap I have to show you the picture that the TV site I watch my shows in uses as their RHOBH banner. Lol.

 

The show starts with a short scene of Lisa suffering from a bit of road rage due to the slow American drivers with their big streets and leisurely attitudes towards getting from point A to point B.

 

Camille and Taylor go out to lunch and Camille explains that it’s hard for her to forgive people and she’s working on that with self help books such as The Art Of War and The Prince. I guess she forgot that one episode ago she was saying that she’s the type of person who likes to forgive and forget and move on.
You know, I really thought Camille was pretty in the first episode, but now I don’t find her even slightly good looking. I think the saying “Beauty comes from within” is so true.

 

Camille warns in her interview that her friend Allison likes to drink, and when she gets drunk she likes to “hit below the belt”. And I’m sure that is exactly why she was invited to the dinner party in the first place.

 

Paul got his nose broken by his four year old son. Adrienne is proud that the kid is already so tough at such a young age. UFC here we come!

 

Paul is looking for a little sympathy, but he’s not getting any from Adrienne. She’s annoyed that he’s being a baby and complaining over a silly little thing like a broken bone. Adrienne is totally the husband in this relationship and Paul is the wife. I think it’s really funny seeing the roles reversed like that.

 

Camille called all the women to invite them to her set up dinner. I think it was really amazing that Camille actually made all the phone calls herself instead of having the hired help do it for her. She works so hard, I hope she treated herself to a nice massage after that.

 

Holy shit. I’m dying. I want my shoes signed too!

 

Camille’s shower has two windows in it – and no shades! I could never get naked in a shower like that. I would be too paranoid. How much you wanna bet she puts on little “accidental” shows for the gardeners and pool boys?

 

Camille has a microwave outside of her closet door. That’s a little weird.

 

The women all get ready and head out to Camille’s house. Adrienne looks really nice from the waste up, but from the waste down it’s hooker all the way. Somebody get this woman a stylist! Please!

 

The Wicked Witch of the West and her two flying monkeys sip cocktails before the other women arrive and make a toast to new friends and old friends. Allison makes a comment that the new friends might be old friends by the end of the night and Camille says that some of them are out the door already. Which really leads one to wonder what the true purpose of this dinner party was.

 

Lisa, Adrienne, and Taylor arrive first and Camille introduces them to her friends. Allison introduces herself as a “serial killer profiler.” I guess she just sits at home and profiles serial killers in her living room because she has never worked with any law enforcement agency and has never helped capture a single serial killer. Ever.

 

Allison tells them that the show Medium is based on her and that it shows people what she does in real life. I found that interesting, because the last time I watched the show her right hand had become possessed by a ghost and it was grabbing people and she couldn’t control it. Another time she woke up and discovered that she had traded bodies with an old man. If that’s an accurate interpretation of what her life is like I worry that she may possibly need a padded room instead of a tv show.

 

Kim, Kyle and her friend Faye arrived next. Kyle seemed ready to put the past behind her and even brought a present for Camille which I thought was really nice because had I been in that situation, I wouldn’t have even answered the phone when Camille called.
Poor Kyle. So innocent. So unaware of what is about to happen.

 

The women sit down to dinner and Camille announces that her two guests of honor, Allison and DD, are going to sit next to her. I’m not sure why they were declared the guests of honor when the point of the dinner was for Camille to fix her relationship with her cast mates. It probably would have been more appropriate to assign seating with name cards if she wanted people to sit in a certain order. I think that comment kinda set the tone for the evening.

 

Kyle smartly sits as far away from Camille as possible.

 

The dinner seems to be going ok. It’s a little weird and awkward (mostly thanks to the fact that Allison is weird and awkward), but no drama…

 

…Until Camille starts talking about Kyle’s friend Faye as though she isn’t sitting right in front of her. She asks Kyle “who is Faye?” but then 2 minutes later she suddenly remembers who she is, she saw her naked in Playboy. No one asks Camille why she was reading Playboy in the first place, but I guess that’s a question for another time.

 

Camille then tells Faye how great she looked and how much she loved her spread, but the damage is already done and it’s clear to everyone that Camille is not being sincere. That fact is proven in her interview when she calls Faye morally corrupt for doing Playboy. Hello Camille??? We decided on RHONY that posing naked for pictures is ok as long as it’s for a world renowned publication like Playboy. Pay attention. Puh – leeze!

 

Camille then brushes her head with her hand as though she just accomplished something. I hate her. And that bracelet really doesn’t go with her necklace and earrings.

 

The women start asking Allison questions about her abilities because obviously it’s not everyday that you get to have dinner with a psychic who tells you that there are dead people in the room trying to talk to her. But Allison doesn’t want to answer any questions because she is a total fraud and knows that these women won’t have a problem calling her out if she gets something wrong. Camille acts almost offended that the women asked Allison questions, and says that she was there as a guest and not to perform. Well, if that were the case then maybe she should have introduced her as “My friend Allison” and not “Allison Dubois, psychic and medium who solves crimes, profiles serial killers, and talks to dead people.”

 

And the best line of the night is when Camille says “if someone’s husband is cheating on them, she’ll know.” Lmao. Not only did the serial killer profiler miss Kelsey’s cheating, she missed a secret multi million dollar Manhattan apartment and a pregnancy.

 

Allison hasn’t really done anything horrible yet at this point. But her cocky faces and the weird way she’s holding her fake cigarette are just pissing me off.

 

And then it starts… Allison tells Kyle that her husband will never fulfill her and that once their children are grown they will have nothing in common.

 

Kyle looks more confused than anything else. Or at least she’s attempting to look confused, the Botox makes facial expressions a little tricky. 

 

The other women are just in shock. Not only is Allison not a good psychic, she’s not a good con man. Of all the people to call out on their marriage – she chose Kyle. Stupid mistake. Obviously a thorough google search would have given her all the information she needed to pretend to “know things” at that dinner. That’s what you get for using Camille as a trusted source.

 

Faye is outspoken and gets fed up with the bullshit pretty quickly. She also may have been auditioning for a spot on the show. Camille accuses Faye of only coming to the party to defend Kyle and start drama, but Camille was the one who started with Fay with the Playboy comment and had her little psychic attack dog ripping into Kyle every chance she got. Camille thinks she’s a master manipulator, but she’s actually really transparent.

 

Allison says that Faye is fighting Kyle’s battles for her and says that Camille is a strong woman who can fight her own battles, unlike Kyle. Somehow the conversation turns back to what happened in New York and Allison immediately jumps into the argument and doesn’t let Camille talk for herself despite the fact that she just claimed that she doesn’t fight Camille’s battles for her.

 

Then she rattles off her list of accomplishments such as the books written by her and about her, that stupid tv show which just got canceled, and her appearance on Oprah in front of “70 million viewers” which I guess makes her better than the other women at the table. Allison is so in love with herself, you’d think she was married to Kelsey Grammer or something. She then tells Faye to go “take a flying leap”. Which I guess is the Beverly Hills’ version of NeNe’s “Jump off a bridge”

 

After that the table just erupts into madness. Taylor and Kim start yelling at each other, Faye is yelling at Allison, Allison is yelling at Kyle, I even saw Lisa yelling at someone. And Camille just sits there as happy as can be feeling very Machiavellic.

 

Taylor appeals to Adrienne to stop the fighting but Adrienne really can’t be bothered to get involved. I think she was hoping that if she stayed really quiet and didn’t have any reaction maybe the editors wouldn’t bother editing in her shots and she could just pretend that she had never been there.

 

Suddenly Kim gives us the new best line of the night when she tells Taylor to “go blow up your lips some more!” LOL. Unfortunately Taylor ignored her and we didn’t get a reaction. But I did find it interesting that Kim was so bold, because whenever it comes to standing up for Kyle, Kim gets “nervous” and “can’t handle confrontation”. She seems to handle it just fine when she’s defending herself.

 

Finally Taylor was the one who stood up and put an end to the arguing and got all of the women to walk out. This is the one respectable thing Taylor has done all season.

 

DD really didn’t add anything to the dinner, but I figured this muppet face was worth a screen shot.

 

The fact that Camille, the hostess, never stopped Allison from acting like a maniac says to me that she condoned and approved of that behavior. Similar to when you re tweet something someone else said on twitter. You didn’t say it – but you might as well have. Camille comes to the conclusion -once again- that Kyle is jealous of her and that is the reason for all of the drama. There is really no other possible explanation for why her dinner party went to shit.

 

Kyle is on her way out with the rest of the women, but stops to talk to Camille before she leaves. Allison keeps jumping into the conversation and won’t let them talk, then all of a sudden she starts screaming at Kyle telling her that she is nothing and she’s done nothing. I guess according to Allison a loving (hot) husband and four healthy beautiful girls and a nice house in Beverly Hills just doesn’t count as doing something with your life.

 

Allison is so awful, that even awful Camille eventually told her she needed to stop.

 

After the women leave Allison brags about knowing when they all will die and what will happen to their families, and that if their children go missing they will be running to her for help.
She is doing exactly what it looks like she’s doing in this picture:

Very mature. I’m sure her daughters are wonderfully behaved young women.

 

Outside Kyle and Kim start fighting. I don’t think Kim was the one who started shit with Taylor, but I don’t blame Kyle for getting mad at Kim. Kim still refuses to stand up for Kyle even though she was the only one present during the conversation in Las Vegas.

 

Back inside the house of horrors Allison calls Kyle morally bankrupt and accuses her of causing girls to kill themselves in high school. Then she says she’s going to shove her cigarette up her ass, but says that Kyle would probably need something bigger in order to feel it. She seems proud of herself as she brags “Oh yeah, I went there.” This woman is rude and disgusting. Wow.

 

It is Allison’s professional psychic opinion that Kyle is unhappy with her life. I guess Kyle is an amazing actress then, because she appears pretty damn happy on the show. Then Camille imply’s that Kyle’s husband cheats on her with their nanny’s and other women around town. Oh the irony of it all!!

 

Camille says she doesn’t want to be friends with those women. Allison says that they can’t even spell the word “friends”, which doesn’t even make sense but at this point she’s just turning any statement into something negative.

 

The women all leave in one limo and Kim leaves in another because she lives in a different area then the rest of them. Kim complains that they all left her alone, because apparently she needs someone to hold her hand and walk her to the front door. I bet she was regretting not returning Martin’s phone call right about then.

 

The show ends with the Wicked Witch and her paid flying monkey’s crackling over the remains of what was supposed to be a nice dinner party.

 

You know who Allison reminds me of? Jenn Sale in her Youtube video. Lol.

I do have to say though, I would like one of those fake cigarettes. Since I quit smoking maybe I can take up “smoking.”