The show starts off with Destitution Whore dragging her over sized pocket book around and giving us example after example of how she lives within her means. She explains how Joe told her that she needs to watch what she spends, so she responds by rolling her eyes and spending everything she wants anyway while her husband sits by and has heart palpitations.
Mother of the year decides to bring the Bravo camera crew along for her daughters first visit to the Vagina Doctor.
Poor Kid. I can’t wait until she grows up and writes her tell-all memoir: How I survived – The Christine Staub Story. It’s gonna be good.
Regarding STD’s; Danielle says “It’s too late once ya have somethin” in a tone that suggests she knows all too well how that goes.
She also says: “The only safe way to have sex is abstinence.” I know what she was trying to say, but in good ol’ Jersey fashion she totally screwed it up.
Do you kiss any of your doctors on the cheek? Makes you wonder how often she goes there.
The Doctor says that the sex conversation is probably as awkward for Danielle to have as it is for Christine. Somehow I doubt that….
Best moment of the whole show: the doctor says that anyone who dates should get the HPV vaccine and Christine pats Danielle on the back. Danielle says “Why are you tapping me? I don’t date.” And Christine responds “Oh yeah I know, you should just try it anyway” It was funny and tragic at the same time. 
Bravo, is this bitch a Housewife or not? because if she isn’t then why is she getting her own scenes?
Teresa explains that even though they are having financial problems and Joe has been working long hours in a pizza shop, it’s ok to spend tons of Joe’s money on a party as long as his little girl is happy, because that’s all that matters. Shut up Teresa. The kid is too young to know whats going on. That party was all for YOU and only YOU. You know what I bet would make your daughters really happy? Skipping the party and not having their toys publicly auctioned off at the end of the month.
I said it before and I stand by it – I feel bad for Joe. I don’t believe for one second he would be in this financial mess if it weren’t for his pushy, demanding, banshee wife. Hell, I’d give her a thousand dollars to shut up if I had to live with her too. I totally understand where he is coming from.
Teresa hired a local Jersey videographer to film the entire event for her. If only they could have had a professional tv camera crew instead….
Dina is back. Yawn. Dina can stay gone for all I care. She contributes nothing to the show. The only thing the show is missing without Dina is a pretty one. And after her little bitchfest on Twitter last night, she isn’t looking so pretty to me anymore.
The kid is really cute. Too bad it doesn’t have a shot in hell of turning out half way decent growing up in that family.
Danielle goes to Kim G’s house to ask for help finding her birth mother. But Danielle doesn’t really want to find her birth mom. She is just looking for attention and trying to create an interesting storyline (hey, at least someone on this show is trying). You see, Danielle has created this little fantasy in which she is the daughter of a 15 year old Sicilian woman who traveled to a small town in Pennsylvania in order to give her daughter a better life with an adoptive family, and finding her real mom will destroy that fantasy. She probably isn’t even Italian.
Danielle says she wants to smell her mom. Lol. Not hug her, or talk to her, or get to know her. No. Smell her. Danielle is nuts, but I feel bad for her.
Teresa demonstrates how an unemployed woman who’s husband works at a pizzeria lives it up and spends every possible dollar knowing that she will file for bankruptcy and not have to pay any of it back lives within her means:
Caroline calls her grown up son Critofer in a baby voice. Shut up Caroline. Stay in the kitchen where you belong.
They keep saying how much they miss having Dina around since Big Bad Dirty D scared her away. Teresa said having Dina there felt like old times. What? I don’t get it. Did they all stop talking to her once she stopped being a part of the show or something?
For all the “amazing sex” Teresa claims to be having – these little pecks seem to be the most affection Teresa ever receives. I don’t know if I’ve ever even seen him put his arm round her. Even when he holds her hand his arm is stiff as though he’s trying to hold her at a distance.
Dina needs to get off the whole Godmother thing. She’s like LuAnn with the Countess crap. It’s an honorary title, it does not make you officially family, and it doesn’t actually mean anything, especially not when you aren’t even a practicing Catholic you doorknob. These women just grab onto anything that will make them feel momentarily important and squeeze it for all it’s got. Get over yourself!
Teresa tried to steal another kiss from Joe, but he was too quick for her and blocked her attempts by shoving a wine glass in her face. Now way in hell these two are as happy as she claims. Well, maybe she is, but he looks fucking miserable.
Danielle sure does love this diner. I wonder if she gets free food for shooting there so often. Christine finally breaks the news to her mom that Kim G is a two-faced snake. She reveals that Kim G told Teresa, who told her eyebrow lady, who told Christine’s friend, who told Christine, that Danielle is looking for her birth mom. I can’t help but wonder why Christine waited until they were in front of the cameras to tell her mom about this, especially knowing the way she always over reacts.
Is it just me or does Christine’s look oddly satisfied as she casually says “Ok” as her mom walks outside to freak out.
I guess there are a couple different ways your could interpret this scene, but I swear she is trying to listen to Danielle’s conversation.
Caroline and Critofer again. Ugh. I’m so over this fucking lesbian. Fast forward.
Kim G shows up at Jacqueline’s. This time they spared us the agony of having to watch her sad attempt to jog her creaky old ass up the driveway.
(Side note: In every episode Jac is either kicking, grabbing, or pushing someone)
Jac thinks its wrong to curse in front of babies. It is also wrong to curse in front of animals, foreigners, and deaf people.
It was only last week that Kim G was in the courtroom ratting out Jacqueline’s daughter, but Kim was crying so Jac let it go. Good ol loyal Jacqueline.
Kim G is freaking out. She is so upset because Danielle did some totally horrible, awful, unforgivable thing to her. She was up all night crying and now she is stammering and can barely control herself. And the totally unforgivable thing Danielle did was…… wait for it…
wait for it……
wait for it……
wait for it…….
she sent someone an email and told them not to be friends with Kim G. Oh Noez! The horror! Kim G was revealed as the two-faced lying snake that she is, yet somehow she is the victim because Danielle got mad at her (how dare she) for betraying her trust. Gotta love that Jersey logic.
At one point in the conversation Kim G points to herself and says “Stupid over here”. That is the only honest or intelligent thing that has ever come out of this womans mouth.
Both Jac and Caroline have dish racks next to their sinks. I know they are old-fashioned, but do they really wash their dishes by hand?
Poor Danny. He loves Danielle. Too bad he doesn’t have money. They would make a good pair.
The women meet to discuss the end of their friendship. Kim is smug and unapologetic about her betrayal. She then proceeds to insist that she was a good friend, and list all of the good things that she did for Danielle, and all of the bad things that Danielle did to her. Unlike Jill Zarin, Kim came prepared and had her notes layed out on index cards in her purse.
The argument gets heated and Kim opens up a can of whoop ass on Danielle and throws a napkin at her! In her defense, it was the heaviest thing her brittle old bones could pick up.
These lucky bitches got a front row seat to the drama. Oh to be in their shoes….
For as much shit as Danielle talks, when it comes to actual confrontation she always backs down and walks away. Kim follows Danielle out into the parking lot screaming at her. All of the women on this show are so mad at Danielle, they have such a problem with her, they claim to be so hurt by her, yet not one of them can name something she has actually done to any of them. Kim is flipping out and acting like a lunatic, and has still failed to give Danielle or anyone watching a reasonable explanation for why she is so incredibly mad. Either these women are all nuts, or we’re missing something here.
Kim continues to scream like a maniac as she watches Danielle and any hope she had of being on the show disappear down the road.
If Kim can’t be a bridge between the women and stir the pot, then there is no use for her on the show. Team Manzo is full, but nice try Kim. Hope you enjoyed your 15 minutes.
This was actually the nicest episode of the entire season, as we made it all the way through without having to see Trashley’s smirky little face. Hopefully her storyline is done and over with.
Next week we get to watch Danielle eat at her favorite diner and the Manzo clan go to Italy. Whatever will they do over in Italy without Danielle? I’m sure they’ll find a way to make her relevant.
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