Funny Stuff

It’s been a busy summer. And the housewives have been out and about getting their pictures taken. Here are a few photos of what some of the housewives have been up to this summer.

Kelly Bensimon showing off her healthfull body and sporting an earring from her new jewelry collection.

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Newly single LuAnn de Lesseps poses for pictures post divorce.
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Teresa Giudice responds to rumors that her house is in foreclosure.

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Jacqueline Laurita visits with her family from Las Vegas.

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Danielle Staub gets some early Christmas presents for her kids

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Kelly Bensimon and Bethenny Frankel in The Hampton’s: Part 1

Kelly Bensimon and Bethenny Frankel in The Hampton’s: Part 2

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Kelly Bensimon visits with her parents from the mid west

Creative credit: @Twilighttwitti

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Kim Granatell relaxes at home on her fur blanket (she made sure to mention that unlike Teresa, her blankets are not faux fur)


Creative credit: @HeiferPlease

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Kim D on the couch at her clothing boutique; Posche in North Jersey


Creative credit: @HeiferPlease

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Kelly Bensimon, and Jill and Bobby Zarin have some fun at the shooting range

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The Real Munsters of New Jersey

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Joe Giudice gets caught with a prostitution whore in his bed

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Teresa and Joe Giudice have a conversation after Teresa’s appearance on The View

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I Got An Early Copy of Kelly’s New Book: The Skinny Girl’s Guide to Staying Naturally Healthful

My friend who works at a publishing company got an early copy of Kelly’s new book and passed it along to me. Because I am so charitable, I put it here on my blog so all of you can read it for free.

The Skinny Girl’s Guide to Staying Naturally Healthful
By
KELLY BENSIMON**

Dedication:
Suck it Bethanny Frankel

Special Thanks:
To my amazing authentic beautiful daughters who spell checked this book for me.

Chapter One: Staying Healthful

I like to use the word healthful instead of healthy because I am original and authentic like that. In order to stay healthful you need to eat right and exercise. Exercise is a great way to clear your mind and keep the voices away. I like to run. But just to be clear, I am a JOGGER, not a runner. Please don’t confuse the two. In this book I will explain exactly how you can be healthful just like me. I will give you my exercise plan and lay out a healthful eating plan for you to follow. Staying healthful is cool and fun. I am really proud to have written this book. Let’s all get fit together!

Chapter Two: Excercise

Here is a really simple exercise plan that you can follow every day to keep yourself healthful:
1 – Run through traffic for 3 hours
2 – Go to private stable and ride your show horse for 1 hour
3- Go to personal gym in guest house and lift weight, do push ups, sit ups, a few squats, and some lunges.
4 – Do elliptical for 30 minutes
5 – Go for another 3 hour run
6 – Do a head stand
This simple exercise plan is perfect for busy single working moms like me. Follow this plan and your body can look just like mine in no time! Yay! Excercise is fun! Get ready for my workout video coming soon. Who likes squats and head stands?

Chapter Three: Eating Healthfully

The second part of being healthful is eating healthfully. Here I have layed out my eating plan, so that you can follow along and eat what I eat. And always remember, when choosing a restaurant for dinner, try to choose one that let’s you color with crayons at the table. That way you can be creative while you stay fit. Let’s eat together. Yay!

the kkb diet is am: two oranges, lunch: veggies, brown rice, and tofu with any sauce, dinner: 2 chicken breasts/salad. 7 day: off.

all the interns at the MET love the kkb diet. Its easy, keeps you lean, and you get one day of funnn

the trick to staying healthful and lean is eating light at dinner.

Ate a delish pasta meal at carmines with @GiulianaRancic. Carbo loading/ eat pray love a little, too

yummy club sandwich

Dinner at le cirque was off the food charts. My fav; duck and chocolate puff pastry. Beyond

Eating a KIND bar. Almond and coconut.

Eating popcorn with ted

Getting icecream from mr. Softee with teddy. Yummmmmmmmm

cofffeeeee at starbucks

Eating chicken wings, caesar salad and drinking beer. U?

I loveeeeeee iittttt. Jellybeans are sooo delicious

The bbc’s are so yummy. Eating their fried calamari.

Eating jellybeans and watching mtv cribs.u?

starbucks carries jellybeans. Woooo. Going to get one now

At FRESCOS for the best pizza ever.

i love to mix all the jellybeans together. i just wish they were healthy

dinner at my fav rest tortilla flats. love you guysss at tortilla.

for lunch a chicken sandwich from johnny rocketts

a cook is someone who enjoys cooking, a chef is defined as someone who runs a restaurant. Drop it

bobby flay fried chicken is unreal. I want to take some home

for snacks I like chips/ salsa, popcorn, olives, dried blueberries. Lunch is usually hearty and hefty

at starbucks i like iced venti soy chai lattes, or soy green tea lattes

Watching katy perry/snoop dog vid. I love it lollys and candy everywhere!!!

nichols has the best wings in the hamptons

blueberry pies with pancake mix crust

Who want starbucks

making pizza with kidlets

Turtle Crossing for the best ribs and chicken in East hampton.

i wish jellybelly made flavored gum. that would be delicious and not so fattyyyyyyyyy

I have always been incredibly fit and active all my life. I think I know a little bit about eating well.

Chapter Four: Examples of What Not To Do

A perfect example of what not to do, is do not follow Bethanny’s book. She is a writer not an author. It’s creepy, and you can’t trust anything she says. She is not authentic like me.
Because I like pictures so much, I drew a picture diagram of what not to do:

The End. Byeeeeee!!!!

** Disclaimer: Kelly Bensimon did not actually write this book. Please don’t sue me. Chapter two is based on her tweets, and chapter three is her actual tweets from her twitter page.

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Jacqueline Laurita is fun on Twitter

So yesterday was a grey, cloudy, ugly day. The weather totally ruined my very important plans of laying by the pool and tanning. So I was pissed off and bored sitting on the computer twittering things to people when to my surprise, Jacqueline actually responded to me. But she responded in a private message (cleverly) so that her comment doesn’t give my site any extra publicity. But Twitter wouldn’t let me send her a private message back, so all my messages were public but all hers were private. So I copied and pasted the whole conversation here so you guys can read it. Btw I’m @putyourhairup on twitter if anyone wants to follow.

Jacqueline LauritaJacLaurita Omg! That is sooo funny! I LOVE it!

I got a dm from @JacLaurita re blog photos. Extreme sarcasm ftw. 4 the record, its her behavior -not her face- that makes her ugly imo.

Jacqueline Laurita JacLaurita FYI, I wasn’t being sarcastic. I HONESTLY thought it was funny.It made me laugh for real.

Correction: @JacLaurita says she wasn’t being sarcastic n honestly thought my pics were funny. Guess she has a sense of humor after all.

Then Jac posted this pic:

Cute bracelet Teresa! Is that also going to be auctioned off next month with the rest of your stuff? (@JacLaurita)http://yfrog.com/07y5smj

Jacqueline LauritaJacLaurita Bracelet is $12,000 do you still want it?

@JacLaurita It’s not smart 2 say her bracelet is wrth 12k when she is 11mil in debt. U r supposed 2 b helpin hide assets, not advertise them

@JacLaurita U know she inflates prices. “5mill mansion” [eyeroll] I’ll give her 6k for bracelet. Good deal. More than she’ll get @auction.

Jacqueline LauritaJacLaurita Auction isn’t really happening girl, so sorry to disappoint. Guess we’ll see huh? Then will u apologize?

@JacLaurita I wasn’t the one who went into her home n took pics of all her stuff and listed it online. So I see no need to apologize.

@JacLaurita Ok, ok.Make u a deal: I’ll apologize if the auction nvr happens. But if it does u have 2 tweet publicly that u luv my blog.Deal?

Jacqueline Laurita JacLaurita Deal! Lol! ( by the way… That was YOUR price for the bracelet)haha! We are silly.

@JacLaurita In that case you should have taken the 6k when I offered it! Lol.  Aug 22 – Day of truth.

Jacqueline Laurita JacLaurita Hahaha…. OK, I guess we will see. ;0)

Jacqueline LauritaJacLaurita I hope it’s 100% true that there will be no auction on Aug.22 because Teresa believes that 100% unless SOMEBody knows something she doesn’t

Jacqueline Laurita JacLaurita Some women r kept in the dark & I believe honestly that T never even knew they were even in ANY kind of financial trouble until it was 2late

So according to Jacqueline, there is not going to be any auction. Do I believe her? I originally thought that she must know something the rest of us don’t. But if her sole source of information is Teresa, then I might actually have a shot at winning this little bet. She also claims Teresa was kept in the dark. Funny, because that’s what I predicted she would eventually say in my last blog. Psychic reading anyone?

I spent a lot of time wondering how the hell Teresa can be out and about hanging out in the Hampton’s and doing book signings and showing her face everywhere with the whole bankruptcy mess that has been going on. Has she no shame? If it were me I would be hiding under the covers too embarrassed to show my face in my own living room. But I have come to a conclusion, and I think the reason she doesn’t feel any shame is because she isn’t broke. I don’t believe they actually spent the entire 11 million dollars – or lost it, or whatever they are claiming happened to it. So what if they auction off some furniture? She still has all her clothes, her jewelry, and the things that are really valuable and important to her. That Gucci dinnerware she is always bragging about wasn’t on the auction list. Why? Because it’s probably in Jacqueline’s walk-in safe. What does she care about some faux antique/marble/leather/expensive/valuable furniture that she can easily replace? Her and Joe knew what they were doing. To her, bankruptcy doesn’t equal broke. It equals free money. And she is perfectly fine with that. So she got her money dishonestly? She doesn’t care. She drives a Maserati and wears designer clothes. And to her, and a lot of people (like it or not) that’s all that matters. It’s what you have, not how you got it.

In contrast to Jacqueline; Teresa and Kelly have now both blocked me. Kelly responds to haters all day long and I get blocked? The picture I made of her is clearly what she is striving for her body to look like – and most likely will look like if she keeps doing whatever the hell she’s doing. So why is she mad? You would think she would be flattered and love it, no? Even Jill hasn’t blocked me and she blocks everyone. Yet I was rejected by Kelly Bensimon – the woman who loves all attention good or bad, the woman who posts random insanity on twitter and youtube all day long in a desperate ploy for attention from anyone who is willing to pay attention to her for 5 minutes- even if only for the sole purpose of making fun of her. But she chose to block me. I feel like such a loser. When Kelly doesn’t want to be your friend, you know you got problems.

I’m still following Teresa’s other account: @Teresaisms. I don’t know if this is really her account or not, but I’m assuming she is taking a page out of the Jill Zarin handbook on this one. There is no way there is a fan out there who loves her this much. Also, why would someone who is her “biggest fan” make a page about Teresaisms aka the stupid shit she says? Only Teresa herself could be so retarded. I have a few good ones I could add to that page. I expect to be blocked from that account too in the near future.

I’m thinking Jill should probably hire Jacqueline as her PR person. After our little exchange I – dare I say it – hate her less. It made her more real to me. Before she was just a character on tv, no more real than Edie Britt or Susan Mayer. Now she’s real… and she’s not a total bitch. Fuck! She was the one I loved to hate the most. This sucks. And now I’m probably going to end up losing that bet and having to apologize to her too. Fucking bad weather, it kept me inside and now look what I got myself into. And the forecast isn’t looking much better for today either.

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And in late breaking news: Yours truly has been invited to be the next Housewife of New Jersey. It is true and I have the proof:

Jacqueline LauritaJacLaurita I think you’re kind of funny, not gonna lie. Want to be a hw? I will pass on ur info. They r recruiting now.

Lol. I swear I’m not making this up.
Unfortunately, I live in Montreal – Mont(real City) – get it? The title of the blog?
I don’t see myself moving to Jersey any time soon. Although being one of the Housewives would make this blog soooo much more interesting!

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