The Real Housewives of Orange County – Beg For It Bitch

Vicky and Tamra head out to their romantic weekend in Cabo to repair the friendship that Simon so rudely got in the way of last year.

Vicky won’t shut up about Tamra stabbing her in the back and pouring salt in her wound. She brings it up every chance she gets. She reminds Tamra every 5 minutes about how much she owes her and even tells the hotel staff what an awful friend Tamra is.

When they get to their room Tamra runs out on the balcony and flashes her butt. Vicky sits her down and explains that they’re going to have to have some rules for this trip. Hmmm. Rules? Kinda like how Simona had rules? Maybe now Vicky is getting a taste of what Simon had to deal with.

Gretchen and Alexis meet for lunch. For skinny women, it seems like all they do is eat. They discuss relationships and marriage. Gretchen still wants a lease, but unfortunately the State of California isn’t willing to grant her one. Alexis says that Slade is a great guy and that Gretchen should totally marry him. I was unaware that Alexis secretly hated Gretchen.

Gretchen says that she wants kids, but that her mom would murder her if she got pregnant without being married. But dating Slade is kinda like having a child who depends on you to take care of them, and buy them food and clothes, and put a roof over their head. So if Gretchen wants kids she should just keep dating Slade, that way she gets the child without having to commit to marriage or be murdered by her mother. Win, win.

This week on Christianity according to Alexis: Biblically, people are not supposed to get divorced. But God is forgiving, so it’s all good. Leases are bizerk (did she mean bazar?) because they’re not in the bible. Better to just make a vow in front of God, then break that vow and pray for forgiveness. That’s the way good Christians do it.

Jim is paying for Alexis to pretend she’s a fashion designer. Ugh. I will not be buying that crap. Moving on.

Peggy is participating in a documentary about post-pardum depression and talks about the things she experienced after her first daughter was born. Her mother-in-law (the one who cures aging with holograms) gave her some holistic medicine and made it all better… well, kinda better… sorta… today at least… no telling what tomorrow will be like. I’m all for holistic remedies, but it sounds like girlfriend needs to get herself to an actual doctor.

Peggy and her husband go on vacation because all anyone ever does on this show is go out to eat and go on trips. No wonder they’re all losing their homes. Vicky is right, no one besides her seems to actually work.

Peggy and family check into their hotel room and then head down to the pool. In the cabana her youngest daughter cut her finger and was bleeding. The way Peggy was freaking out I thought she was setting the scene for a lawsuit.

Even though the baby wasn’t crying and didn’t seem the least bit bothered by the little cut, Peggy insisted that she needed to be rushed to the hospital immediately… by her father… while Peggy continued to hang out at the pool.

Vicky and Tamra go to dinner and Vicky continues to make her grovel and pay for her sins. She makes Tamra pull the seat out for her and then makes the poor waiter listen as she goes on and on about how Tamra stabbed her in the back and ran her over with a car. Since the guy had an accent, she was dumbing down her sentences and using hand signals just to make sure that he understood everything she was saying.

The way Vicky told the story made Tamra look like an abusive girlfriend who kicks her ass and then takes her on nice vacations to make up for it. I think I saw the guy take the knife away from Tamra’s plate.

TMI lady!

Vicky tells Tamra that she wants her to write a two page apology and then read it to her on the beach by candle light the following night. She even brought along a pen and paper for Tamra to use. She should have just printed out a copy of Cynthia’s friendship contract. I always got a kinda butchy, man-hating vibe from Vicky. I think she may have a little crush on Tamra.

Lookin a little disheveled there Vicks

Tamra jokes about Vicky making her work for her friendship. Personally, I don’t think it’s worth it. At this point it would be easier to just get a new friend. Vicky explains that friendships are important and friends are like family to her. (As long as they don’t ask to borrow money, right Vicky?)

Gretchen and her dad go out to eat and she asks him what he would say if Slade asked his permission to marry her. Her father didn’t grab her and shake her and say what the hell are you thinking even considering marrying that loser??? So I guess we know who Gretchen takes after in the intelligence department. How does she think he’s going to propose anyway? What is he going to do, make an engagement ring out of origami?

Gretchen does acknowledge that Slade is broke and that if they get married she’ll be the bread winner. So at least she doesn’t have any delusions about him actually ever getting a job (or paying child support to his ex). She also admits that she has a history of making bad decisions when it comes to men. So I guess in the end it will just come down to weather her head or her heart wins the argument.

Tamra and Vicky continue on their vacation of inappropriateness. Tamra wants to talk about the hot 5 hour long single sex she’s having, but Vicky doesn’t want to hear it. I don’t know why Vicky got so freaked out over the sex talk. Maybe because she’s jealous of Eddie? But I’m with Vicky on the vaginal rejuvenation talk. I don’t really don’t want to be thinking about Tamra’s lose vajayjay. Ugh… now I just thought about it.

Vicky and Tamra head to the pool bar and Tamra continues making a fool of herself by asking random guys if Vicky’s boobs look good and encouraging Vicky to flirt with a Don look-a-like. Then she hops up onto the bar so that a total stranger can do a body shot off of her. Tamra says she never did body shots before, and somehow I find that very, very hard to believe. Anyone who bought into Vicky’s “I’m so mortified” act should check out some of the pictures on Lynn’s blog. (Btw Lynn, no one would ever believe those two are Canadian, but nice try. ;))

Later that night Vicky asks Tamra to read the “vows” she wrote to her. Vicky is really pushing the whole apology thing too far. It’s getting creepy. Tamra was too busy getting bombed at the pool all day to write a declaration of love and loyalty to Vicky, so she speaks from her “heart”. She spewed a bunch of bullshit that she thought sounded nice, but when it looked like Vicky wasn’t buying it, she came out with the deal closer: If Alexis bothers Vicky again she’ll knock her down. The Alexis comment seemed to satisfy Vicky, and Tamra was allowed to stop groveling. Friendship is nice and all, but what’s really important in life is having an ally on the Real Housewives.

I love how Tamra said “our friendship means everything to me?” as though she was asking a question.

Vicky says that no one has any reason not to like her. Um… I could think of more than a few reasons. She also says that she is easy to get along with as long as no one pisses her off…..  or doesn’t have a job, or calls their husband too much on the phone, or refuses to go on a girls weekend, or calls her out when she’s being rude, or doesn’t consider her to be the “top dog” she thinks of herself as, or dates Slade, or… you get the point.

Then fireworks erupt in the distance and Tamra acts like she’s never seen a firework before in her life as she runs towards them and almost falls off the balcony while trying to reach out and touch the sparkly sky jewels. Vicky pulled her down, saving her life, and they have a nice romantic hug under the stars. Gag me.

Next week someone get’s pepper sprayed!
What did you think of Vicky and Tamra’s girls weekend? Just two girls having fun, or is Vicky a total closet lesbian?