Sorry I skipped last weeks episode. But it was a bit of a snoozer anyway, so I think I can get away with it. If I remember correctly it was mostly just Tamra pretending to be a lesbian and Vicky being annoying in Seattle.
The show opens with Alexis going over to Gretchen’s house. Gretchen still has a problem with the “princess” comment and wore a tiara in order to keep the argument going.
Alexis and Gretchen head out to go shoe shopping with the new girl Peggy. We met Peggy last week, she’s married to a younger man and her hair is in desperate need of a trim, or some layers, or highlights, or something, but other than that she seems nice enough. And she’s friends with Alexis so Vicky will probably hate her which is always fun. Gretchen and Peggy meet for the first time at the store. Peggy thinks Gretchen looks like she’s from Texas with her big hair, Gretchen thinks old women shouldn’t try to be “all that” by wearing short skirts. The scene would have been way more interesting if they had said these things to each other’s faces instead of in their interviews.
After shoe shopping they go out to eat and of course they can’t help but to discuss the other women. Gretchen seriously has a hard time letting go of things and seems determined to mention Tamra’s name at least once in every scene. Alexis tells Peggy that her problems with Vicky began when Vicky said “Welcome to my world” which they all seemed to agree is almost as bad as calling someone Madonna.
Vicky is remodeling her house. Not very interesting, but at least it’s better than watching her sell insurance. She says that Don doesn’t like change, and he spends a lot more time in the house than she does but she’s changing the house anyway. She explains that it’s herlife and she doesn’t really care what other people think. Which I guess is why she’s getting divorced now.
Vicky and Tamra go to lunch and try to repair the damage done to their friendship last season. It was almost sad watching Tamra talk about how hard the divorce was on her and how she’s having panic attacks, but then I remembered that she started dating a younger, hotter guy before the divorce was even finalized and I feel a little less bad for her. Usually it’s the husband who snags a younger woman after a divorce, so Tamra isn’t doing too bad for herself.
Jim, Alexis, and the kids are going on vacation to San Diego which seem like an odd vacation destination when you live in Orange County, but whatever. Jim blesses everyone before they leave, and the little boy asks for lip gloss. Someone has been spending too much time with mommy.
Alexis and Jim have to take two separate cars because all their luggage and their nanny won’t fit in one car. The little boy asks Jim if he can ride with him and he says no, ride with mommy. Alexis explains that he won’t fit in daddy’s car because there is no room for him with all the luggage, but there wasn’t any luggage in the passenger seat. Why don’t you want to ride with your son, Jim? Was it because he asked for lip gloss?
Peggy is into natural medicine and herbal remedies. Her mother in law is a
natural-o-path (??) and comes over to show Peggy some of her new gadgetry.
She has Peggy pee in a cup and then analysis her pee by mixing it with food coloring. Her scientific tests conclude that Peggy’s cells are dying, but it’s ok because she has a the wrist band from the club she attended the night before and that is going to make everything better.
The Bellino’s arrive in San Diego and unload the 10 bags they packed for the trip. Alexis says that 10 bags for 5 people is normal because each person should have 2 bags. That could potentially make sense, but you know that Jim only had one bag, and all 3 kid’s clothes probably fit in one or two bags and 8 of those bags were all Alexis’.
Editing is intent on making Alexis look bad as they are constantly showing the things she says in her interviews contradict what we’re watching. We hear her say how lucky she is to be married to someone like Jim while we watch him boss her around and make her keep getting up to serve him during breakfast. We watch her talk about all the pretty things he buys her as they go to a jewelry store and he buys himself two watches and doesn’t get her anything.
Gretchen and Slade are also going on a trip. Gretchen was right last week when she called Slade her bitch. He totally is. We watch as Gretchen calls him a tubba wubba, accuses him of not washing his hair, tells him that he always drives in the “not so smart” lane, and even takes little digs at his libido. Slade is clearly bothered by her comments, but what’s he gonna do about it? She has all the control in this relationship and she knows it.
At dinner Gretchen’s friends announce that they want to get married so that they have an excuse throw a big party and get free stuff. Slade proposes that maybe they should have a double wedding, but Gretchen doesn’t want to get married, she just wants a lease. That is the smartest thing that’s ever come out of Gretchen’s mouth. With a boyfriend like Slade, I think a lease is a genius idea.
Tamra and Eddie go on a date and we finally get to see his face. Simon must be freeeeaking out watching this show.
For some reason they brought their friend Marcos along on the date with them, and then proceeded to act as though he wasn’t there while they flirted and made out with each other at the table. Who else thought Marcos looks just like Simon?
Back at Eddie’s house Tamra gets naked in the hot tub in front of the cameras, on a tv show that her children’s friends are going to see. As though that wasn’t trashy enough, she then invites Eddie to get in with her.
He looked around the room at all the people that were probably standing behind the multiple cameras and downed an entire glass of red wine before reluctantly hopping in. It was actually kinda awkward and waaaaay more than I ever wanted to see of Tamra.
And the episode ends with only have made us suffer through two scenes of Vicky. Thanks editors!
Next week Tamra and Eddie have sex for 5 hours, Gretchen discusses marriage with some guy who I guess is her father, and someone’s kid is bleeding.