The OC bitches are back. Simon is gone and Tamra already got herself a new man with a better kitchen than the one she shared with Simon. These OC women don’t stay single for long, huh? Vicky is still with Don, but we’ll be watching that marriage fall apart very soon. Gretchen is still Slade’s sugar mamma and Alexis is still pretending to be Christian.
Tamra is throwing a shopping party at her boyfriend’s house because apparently she got nothing in the divorce and now lives in a tiny apartment. She calls up all the women to invite them, and even gives Gretchen a call. Now that she’s a free bitch I guess she doesn’t mind be associated with the hooker of Orange County anymore.
Gretchen is hawking a new line of ugly purses. They have pockets (omg pockets!) and hardware that doesn’t fall off. Fancy. Don’t you just hate it when you’re walking down the street and your purse starts falling apart? So glad to hear Gretchen’s purses won’t be doing that. I agree with Vicky, any semi famous person can stick their label on a bunch of made-in-China purses and call it a handbag line. But Gretchen’s not concerned about sales because she knows there are a bunch of women in Wichita named Wanda with southern accents who will want to get themselves soma them fancy Califorian purses.
Gretchen is trying to bring back the 80’s Prom look. (I don’t think it’s going to catch on.)
Tamra goes to get Simon’s name lazered off her ring finger. The doctor tells her how much easier it would be if the tattoo had been black. But all classy women know that finger tattoos look better in pink. She’s also having her tramp stamp removed while she’s there.
Bravo treated us to 3 minutes of pure torture watching Alexis attempt to be a parent. The way she talks to her kids was driving me nuts. “Give mommy a second”, “Mommy’s coming” “Mommy will be right there”. When she isn’t referring to herself in the 3rd person she’s talking about how similar her and Jesus are. I get it, she loves to play the role of the subservient housewife, that’s great. But she needs to stop acting like she’s doing the Lord’s work by spending her days shopping, working out, and burning toast. No wonder her kids are barbarians who takes bites out of each other. She’s frying their brains with her absurdity.
This week on Christianity According To Alexis: Jesus doesn’t mind divorce. And having sex with another person while you’re still married isn’t adultery as long as the divorce papers have been served.
It’s time for Tamra’s party and Bravo sent a limo to pick up Alexis and Gretchen in an attempt to keep up appearances and make us forget the fact that Gretchen is broke and Alexis is in debt and losing her home.
What exactly is the point of taking a stretch limo if you’re all just going to squish into the same seat?
The shopping party begins and the sales lady just had to bring a bunch of evil eye hats into a room full of bitches giving each other the evil eye. Gretchen grabs a hat and points it towards Tamra. Tamra pretended that she was being the bigger person by not responding, but we all know she didn’t respond because she needs time to formulate a plan and get her revenge through rumors and character assassination.
Vicky arrives to the party late because unlike the other women she WORKS. Did ya know that? Vicky works. She has a JOB. Did ya know, did ya? Vicky works – at a job.
Tamra and Vicky head out back for a little shit talking before joining the other women at the party and they have an (ironic) conversation about Gretchen being loud and having an annoying high pitched voice.
Tamra decides that she can’t let the evil eye comment go, so she joins Gretchen at the bar and asks her to clarify whether or not she was implying that she is an evil bitch.
Gretchen confirms that yes, yes she was in fact calling Tamra an evil bitch. But it’s a good thing, see, because she’s telling her to her face and not saying it behind her back. Tamra tells the camera (hey that rhymed!) that she would have thrown her wine in Gretchen’s face, except she isn’t worth a good glass of wine. But Jeana is!! Can’t wait for that episode.
Gretchen and Alexis finally decide to leave the party and they spend the ride home arguing over the fact that Alexis called Gretchen a Princess. Maybe bitch would have been better?
The WHHL poll results were Gretchen 51% and Tamra 49%. What do you guys think?
And what about Alexis’s pronunciation?