I’ve decide to recap Teen Mom. Since I’m already falling behind on my RH duties, I’ll make these mini recaps. So here goes:
The show starts with Leah. Leah beat the odds and managed to get accidentally pregnant by a decent guy who actually wants to be a dad and take care of his family.
So you’d think she would be the one girl with some sense in her head, right? Wrong. She totally fucked it up by sleeping with her ex boyfriend and going out every night while Corey stayed home with their twin girls. What a moron. Corey is a sweet guy who needs subtitles when he talks because you can’t understand what he says. He got a house for them to live in, but moved out when he found out Leah was cheating and now she has the girls during the week and Corey takes them on the weekend. Leah eventually realized how stupid she was to mess things up with Corey and is trying to win him back by inviting him over for a mac and cheese dinner on what should have been their one year anniversary. Corey cries when Leah brings out the Betty Crocker box cake she made for him.
The reads: Happy 1 year. I ❤ you.
Then she gives him a card and the tears really come. He loves her and wants to work it out, but he’s hurt and doesn’t want to get hurt again. It’s sad, but Leah has him right where she wants him. He’s been trying to act tough but now his heart is melting and this is her opportunity to suck him back in. So what does she do? Go over and hug him? Tell him everything will be ok and she’ll never hurt him again? Ask him to spend the weekend with her and the girls? Nope. She stands at the sink watching him cry, then says “Well, I guess I’ll help you put the girls in the car.” Moron.
Kailyn is just BLAH. I don’t know how else to describe her.
She lives in a nice house in the suburbs with her boyfriend and his parents. But he just broke up with her and asked her to move out because she’s a mooch with a bad attitude. Kailyn goes to lunch with her mother to tell her what’s going on and her mom sorta doesn’t care that her daughter might be out on the streets with nowhere to go. She doesn’t like to spend too much time with Kailyn because “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Luckily for Kailyn her boyfriends mother is a nice woman who says she will never turn her back on her, and allows her to live in her house even though her son broke up with her. So Kailyn moves out of her boyfriend’s bedroom and into the basement. I can’t imagine that this living situation will turn out well. I can’t remember if her kid is a boy or a girl or what her boyfriend’s name is. I think I may have dozed off during some of her scenes. This girl is a snooze.
Chelsea is a daddy’s girl who is moving out on her own because her dad is paying the rent on her new house. Not apartment – house. Her dad seems like a good guy who tried to raise his daughter right, but she still ended up pregnant by some asshole who treats her like shit. She probably has the worst baby daddy, he refers to their daughter Aubrey as a mistake.
This message reads: “worthless stupid — in the world u better believe its so over for the rest of our lives ya fat stretch mark bitch tell me where and wen to sign the papers over for that mistake.”
Nice, huh? So you’d think that would be about all she needs to kick his ass to the curb permanently. But this genius still talks about him as though she may want to get back with him. Since he doesn’t want anything to do with her she decides it’s probably a good idea to start dating again now that the baby is a full 9 months old. Proving once again that she sure knows how to pick em, she goes on a date with a guy who takes her to a sports bar and then watches the game on the tv the entire time. Chelsea has a good family, a father who is completely supporting her so that she can focus on school and not worry about making money or paying bills, and good friends who help her take care of her kid. But I have a feeling that regardless of all the advantages she’s been given, she will still manage to fuck her life up through her inability to make a good decision.
Janelle has a son named Jace with a guy who’s only seen the kid 4 times, but she’s happy about that for some reason. She lives with her mother, a woman who appears to be an alcoholic or possibly suffering from a mild form of Aspergers. At the very least she hasn’t matured a day past 16 herself.
Janelle’s mother refuses to let her do anything for Jace, and when she does try to do something for him she stands over her telling her that she’s doing everything wrong which results in Janelle just giving up and letting her mom do it. Then her mom screams at her for never doing anything for him. During one argument the mother hid the internet box so that Janelle couldn’t get online. I think all of us understand what a serious crime it is to deprive someone of their internet access. Janelle is obviously upset, and decides that the best way to handle the situation is to push her mother and call her a stupid bitch. Surprisingly this approach didn’t result in her getting the internet back and she ended up leaving the house (without her son) when her mother threatened to call the cops. A few days later she returns home with some friends only to find that her mother is suing her for custody of Jace. They get in a huge argument in front of the house and Janelle threatens to punch and spit on her mother. I can only giggle when thinking that this is likely how the Giudice children will turn out.
Janelle tells her mother that although she wants to act like she knows best, she can’t be that great at mothering since her own daughter ended up pregnant at 16. Her mother argues “Well you were the one who spread your legs.” Their scene ends once again with Janelle spewing curse words and walking off and leaving her son there. She seems to be under the impression that her mother already has custody or something. Both these women are fucking nuts and only one thing is certain in this situation: no matter who wins custody, this child is fucked.
And that’s it for the first episode. This show is kinda depressing actually.