The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – Money Can’t Buy You Sanity

We pick up where we left off in the middle of the argument with Kyle and Kelsey’s wife (but let’s just call her Camille this time for the sake of convenience).

Camille is still sticking to her crazy version of events. Kyle doesn’t hold back on telling Camille exactly what she thinks of her. She says that she is either a liar or she hallucinated because there is no other explanation for what is happening. Lol!
Kyle asks her sister to step in and set the story straight since she was there during the original conversation. Kim can’t even get one complete word out of her mouth. Just a lot of umms and ahhhs. Kim is totally useless and just sits there and allows the argument to continue instead of letting the other women know that Kyle was right.

It turns out that Taylor is a little pot stirrer. She had been whispering in Camille’s ear and fueling the crazy flames with stories of the ladies’ “Machiavellic” plot to convince the world that Camille is insecure. Taylor is a professional social climber, so it only makes sense that she would take Camille’s side.

Taylor accuses Kim of being the first one to call Camille insecure. Kim suddenly found a voice when the blame was being put on her, and when she defended herself Taylor accused Kim of attacking her out of no where. Lol. Every person at this table is nuts except for Kyle and Lisa, who smartly decide to get the hell out of there.
It turns out that there was nothing but empty threats coming out of Taylor’s giants lips, so we never did get to find out what it means to pull some Oklahoma on someone’s ass.

We have a new saying: I feel like I’ve been shagged through a hedge backwards. I’m using that one some time in the near future.

Kyle isn’t sure if she should still go to the play because Camille might jump out from behind her seat and stab her. She decides to call her and see what she should do, but Camille doesn’t answer because she needs voice mail evidence to replay for people later.

Kyle eventually decides to go to the play because she found a really cute outfit and she wants to wear it. If Camille murders her, at least she’ll die looking good.

Back in her tiny cramped little apartment, Camille is telling her loyal subjects about being attacked by her so-called friend the night before. So now Kyle is her friend? Because she clearly said at the dinner table that Kyle was not her friend and that’s why she didn’t have a right to ask her what she was doing for spring break. It is exhausting trying to keep up with Camille’s ever changing version of reality. Camille says she is lucky to have her real friends there to help her get ready and not contradict her lies.

From Dictionary of pretentious bitches:

Friend n. (frnd)
1. A person who will always have your back and take your side because they rely on you for a pay check.
2. A straight male who you engage in a sexual relationship with, but who is not your husband.

When Kyle first said that she was concerned about how this fight would affect her husband’s business relationship with Kelsey I thought she was being a bit paranoid. But Kyle was right to be concerned. It hasn’t even been 24 hours since their argument and Camille is already talking about how they won’t be able to do business with Mauricio anymore. You could almost see her counting the money Mauricio would lose and brimming with glee at the mere thought of the arguments it would likely cause between Kyle and Mauricio. Her trained monkeys only encourage her awful behavior.

And once again we find ourselves sitting and a New York City apartment watching a mean self absorbed woman play a voice mail message on speaker phone. But honestly, this is like the least of the terrible things Camille does in this episode so it doesn’t seem like as big of a deal as when Jill did it.

I like Adrienne, but I’m skipping over her scenes because they were a little boring. But I would like to point out that she has a framed dress hanging on the wall in her hallway. Rich people are weird.

Next we get to see what’s going on with the husbands. I really like Mauricio. Joe Giudice could take some parenting lessons from this guy. He seems like a really great dad.

Yes…. a great dad indeed.

I think I changed my mind about Russel after watching him alone with his daughter. I think he might actually be a nice guy, just a little geeky and socially awkward. And after getting to know Taylor, I mostly just feel sympathy for him.

Camille is in the limo on her way to Kelsey’s play and she is discussing the other women with her human bobble head who sits by nodding “yes” to every insane thing she says. Together they come to the conclusion that Kyle must be jealous, and that is why this whole fight happened. There is just no other possible explanation.

The women all arrive at the play. Camille says hello to Kyle and then immediately turns her back. But she doesn’t just turn, she actually shifts her entire body in the seat until she is practically sitting backwards just to make a big point out of the fact that she’s turning her back on her. Then in her interview she calls Kyle a petulant child.

After the play Camille goes back stage to see Kesley. She kisses him on the lips and he immediately (instinctively?) pulls away from her, but then (in what seemed like a moment of “uh oh, I shouldn’t have done that on camera“) he goes in and gives her a big kiss on the cheek to make up for it. Then he thanked her for coming to the show which seemed like a weird thing to say to his wife and pushed her out of the room. He was literally guiding her out of the door with his hand.

This is how you kiss a friend:

This is how you kiss a lover:

Just sayin.

In her interview Camille brags about going back stage to meet “Kelsey Grammer”.
Um… am I the only one who didn’t think that the guy from Fraiser was an A-list celebrity? No offense to Kelsey… but A-list? Really?

The women then go to an after party at a club. When Taylor asks Camille how she felt about Kelsey’s on-stage kiss, she explains that it didn’t bother her because it’s just a stage kiss and doesn’t mean anything. Then to prove her point she grabs Kim by the face and kisses her on the lips. I guarantee you Camille was one of those college girls who used to make out with her friends at parties to get guys to pay attention to her.

In his interview Kelsey says: “I guess the best you can hope for in a long relationship is that you married somebody who’s decent and nice [he shakes his head “no” as he says this] There has been a lot of stuff that has been a challenge in our marriage.. and uh.. she has certainly been through a lot of travail”
TRANSLATION:  “Being nice and kind is a challenge for Camille. She has been through a lot of travail while trying to remain slightly more decent than swamp scum. I can’t take it anymore.”

I don’t know what is up with Taylor, but she makes some crazy looking faces every time Kim talks. I imagine her faces would be as hilarious as Fakedra’s if she weren’t so full of botox and fillers. I have a theory that maybe Taylor looks at Kim and see’s herself in 10 years and it terrifies her.
Have her lips been growing throughout this episode? They look bigger.

The women are back in Beverly Hills and Lisa invites Adrienne over for tea. It was comical watching how long it took her to walk across the street. I bet the trip from her bedroom to the front door alone takes 10 minutes.

Over at Camille’s she is reading The Art of War.
Sun Tzu says: The one who is married to the richer man shall be victorious in all battles.
RCH says: Camille was only holding that book to look cool in front of the cameras.

In her interview she says that women need to celebrate each other. Did she steal this line from Kelly or do all crazy people just think alike?
Bravo, can we please have a cross over show called “Camille and Kelly Go To Lunch”? I think it would be absolutely fascinating to watch a conversation between these two women.

Camille’s lover arrives and she tells him her twisted version of what happened at the dinner in New York. Her story is complete with tales of verbal assaults and psychological warfare. The only honest thing she said was that Kyle was there and that they had dinner. Pretty much everything else was a lie. Then Camille, oh one of the bulging eye balls, says that she thought Kyle’s eyes were going to pop out of her head.

The way Camille talks about Mauricio as though he is just another one of her many employees reminds me of the Will and Grace episode when the drunk one hired the gay one as her lawyer and then refused to go to a dinner meeting with him because “she doesn’t eat with the help”. But that was a comedy. This, sadly, is not.
Camille says that when she told Kelsey about the fight with Kyle he said that they would have to hire a new real estate agent. Kelsey seems like the type that would tell her whatever she wants to hear in the moment to avoid an argument but then totally ignore her wishes.

And as if she wasn’t already looking bad enough in this episode…. With only 5 minutes left in the show she goes ahead and hammers 100 more nails into the coffin containing her public image as she explains the social hierarchy and “pecking order” of Beverly Hills.
Basically, according to Camille, since her husband has Golden Globes and Emmys and Kyle’s husband only sells multi-million dollar real estate, Kyle should put her head down, speak when spoken to, and not make eye contact with Camille The Great.

Then Camille called Kyle pernicious three times. I’m not gonna lie, I had to look it up. And it is a word.

She then kisses her lover good bye, and he heads down to the guest house to wait for the cameras to leave. Who wants to bet this guy’s wife is filing for divorce any minute now?

Next week Kim gets electrocuted, Camille goes shopping, and Adrienne gets a surprise. Looks like it’s gonna be a filler episode.

 

BS Bravo Blogs: Kelsey’s Wife – Money Can’t Buy You Sanity… Or Accountability