Hey guess what? Teresa has her very own website where she will be publishing Bullshit Blogs year round. Woo Hoo! As always, my comments are in bold.
CRAZY PRESS WEEK
Wow, it’s been a pretty crazy couple of weeks with me and the press. I did a “public service announcement” for Jon Stewart’s “Rally to Restore Sanity” in D.C. (I’m still trying to find a video clip of it for you guys.) I was featured on “South Park,” “Saturday Night Live,” and Kathy Griffin’s latest comedy special. (OMG, ok – this deserves a whole paragraph you fucking moron. South park made fun of your low class trailer trash behavior and inability to speak English properly. You were not featured on SNL, although you were the inspiration behind one of the characters who got out of her seat and screamed like a maniac. You should be so proud. And Kathy Griffin… Lol… Kathy called you a little Gorilla and says -allegedly- that you are not a fully formed human. WHY would you want to bring attention to these things? Do you really want to help prove the theory that your brain is not yet fully developed?) I was on another magazine cover, and written about in I think every major tabloid and blog out there. As for their reports, apparently I am a jealous, (true) party crashing (didn’t hear that one, but wouldn’t be surprised), punch-throwing (uh huh), family-hating animal (Yup. Sounds about right). At least when I’m not clipping coupons (I’m sure you make your mom clip them for you) while crying over how Caroline now hates me (I doubt you cry, more like fly into blind rages) and my husband is cheating on me(Still can’t picture you crying. Plotting murders? Yes. Crying? No). I wonder when I have time to be so afraid of jail or Bravo firing me? Hmmm… (I don’t think you really need to find “time” to be afraid of those things. It’s probably more like a persistent thought in the back of your head throughout the day.)
Happily, I can tell you directly, none (do you mean all?) of the gossip is true. Joe and I just celebrated our 11th anniversary (poor guy). I love him as much now as the day I married him (too bad the feeling isn’t mutual). I love my brother and I would never say anything bad about him (in public). He’s my baby brother, he’s blood, (and Melissa? What is she, chopped liver?) and I don’t talk trash about my family even if some of their friends & family members (You mean Melissa’s friends and family? Still refusing to say her name?) want to “leak” nasty (but true) stories about me. I love Caroline, and I’m pretty sure she still loves me. (only pretty sure?) At least that’s how it seems when I see her & Jacqueline & Dina just about every single day. (Dina’s twitter suggests that she doesn’t see you everyday, and the other two are contractually obligated.)
I’m not jealous of anyone (BWUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!). I am so blessed to have a great life (bankruptcy, losing home, facing prison – sounds great), a great family (cheating husband, obnoxious kids, brother hates you), and my health (physical health maybe, not so sure about the “mental” part) (and I think I look pretty good for having 4 kids). I just turned in my second book “Fabulicious” to the publisher. My first “Skinny Italian” just went into its 4th printing (Prove it). And I think you can tell from all the photos online that Bravo didn’t fire me.
Since we are filming, we can’t talk about any of the specifics, but I did Tweet, and I stand by it: “Life & Style” is garbage, and RadarOnline is the the flies who eat poop off of garbage. (And that makes you, what? The garbage can?) You’ll all see the truth in Season 3 (I’m counting on that). I’m sure it will be a great season, but don’t believe everything you read about me. At least the bad stuff. All the good stuff is true!
PS– Like my new promotional shot? (While the bangs are a step in the right direction, it’s really just too little too late) It’s going to be on the cover of The Learning Annex magazine because I’m teaching a class there next month. (<–My dear readers: I regret to inform you that apparently the apocalypse is near because Teresa is in fact teaching an actual class… to real people… who are going to pay money for it.) I’ll post more details closer to the date. If you live near NYC, you should come! xx
So as you can see, Teresa is as delusional and full of shit as always. In this crazy, fast paced, unpredictable life we all live, it’s good to know that some things will never change.