The Real Housewives Of Atlanta – Singers, Songwriters, and Super Babies

The show starts with Kandi in her studio. She’s still plotting different ways to get back at Kim, and her newest scheme is to bring in Laurence and make Kim jealous by giving him a song that would have been good for Kim and market him towards Kim’s gay fan base. She even scheduled over lapping appointments to be sure that Kim saw Laurence there.

Kim arrives, see’s Laurence, and isn’t happy that he’s there. Score 1 for Kandi. Kandi then plays Kim the awful song she wrote for her which she knows no one will ever want to listen to and Kim will never be able to sing anyway. In her voice over she said she wanted to challenge Kim, but what she really means is that she wanted to embarrass her.

Somehow she manages to convince Kim to try to sing the song, and Kim makes a total fool out of herself – again. Score 2 for Kandi.

After everyone got a good laugh out of Kim’s sad attempts to carry a tune, Kandi and Kim sit down and Kandi tells her that she has a hearing problem and needs a voice transplant. She suggests Kim visits the voice coach from season one who told her she sucks and momentarily managed to shatter her delusional self-confidence. Kim suffers flashbacks of the trauma she endured at the hands of that woman and gets upset. Score 3 for Kandi.
Kandi is really going through a lot of trouble to do anything other than say “Kim, you didn’t pay me for the song, it wasn’t right, and it hurts my feelings because we are supposed to be friends.”

 

Next we meet the worlds best baby daddy. Cynthia is still bla bla blaing about whether or not she should get married. OMG. If you are living with the guy and he is helping you raise your daughter and you own a business together then either marriage should be a no brainer, or you probably shouldn’t be living with him.

Fakedra meets with the reject from Destiny’s Child to try to help her plan a one woman show. Ok, now I’m confused… I thought she was a lawyer. What the hell does this woman actually do for a living? I’m starting to think she just rents office space and holds meetings for whatever people feel like meeting about. Drug arrest? Sure, come on in. You wanna be famous like Beyonce? No problem, I can make that happen.

NeNe and Kim go out to lunch and NeNe clearly wants to talk about her marriage problems. But Kim keeps finding a way to turn everything NeNe says into a conversation about her relationship with Big Poppa. Kim is the kind of friend you call when you want to go out and have a good time. She is not the friend you call when you have a problem. NeNe should know this by now.

Guess what? Kim is a hoarder! Except unlike Dina she has the good sense to hide her dirty little secret away in a storage unit instead of displaying it all over her house and blaming it on her “decorating skills”.

Peter tells Cynthia that he doesn’t want to look like the old dude getting married. I think he most definitely wants to look like the old dude. There is no other explanation for that beard. Has he never heard of Just For Men? Or a razor?

Kim holds a garage sale in a Burgers Shakes Fries parking lot and was disappointed when she didn’t make a $100,000 profit.

Fakedra show up at the parking lot garage sale and actually says her first semi-intelligent statement of the season when she questions why Kim would be selling such expensive stuff in a parking lot instead of at an Estate Sale.

But then Fakedra completely loses any tiny microscopic points she may have earned with her brief moment of sanity as she quickly tries to convince the women that since the baby now weights 8 lbs at 7 months, it’s time for him to be forced out of her womb with labor inducing drugs. When she see’s that the women aren’t 100% convinced of her story she adds that Apollo was actually born 3 months early weighing 9 lbs, so clearly super human development just runs in the family.

Kim is a college educated licensed practical nurse, and informs us all that because of her education, she can accurately determine that Fakedra is full of shit. Thank you for educating us Kim.

Best line of the show goes to NeNe: “Stop saying that out loud, so everyone can hear how crazy you really are!”

Fakedra says in her interview that the only reason the women are so interested in her due date is because none of them have jobs and they need to do something to keep themselves occupied. Well I think it’s good that someone is paying attention to the due date of that baby, since it’s mother clearly isn’t.

Between Fakedra’s inability to tell a believable lie and her failure to support her lies under questioning, I think it’s safe to say that Fakedra’s client list will be rapidly diminishing as these shows air.

After the other women leave, Kandi shows up at the garage sale. Kim tells her that she doesn’t like the new song Kandi wrote for her. Kandi said: “Yeah well that’s what $0.00 will get you these days. Gimme half of your Tardy for The Party money and I’ll make you a decent song.”
I’m lying, she didn’t say that. Instead Kandi did her little passive aggressive eye rolls, interview shit talking, and insisted that she really didn’t purposely give Kim a song that sucked.

Over at the Leake’s dinner party, NeNe gets totally wasted and decides to give Cynthia and Peter a demonstration in how communication is supposed to work in a marriage.

First you get in your husbands face and talk really loud to make sure that he hears what you’re saying. Wagging your finger can help to get your point across.

If he tries to respond, you put your hand over his mouth to stop him from talking. At this point you may want to speak even louder to be extra sure that he hears everything you say.

“See Cynthia, you just hold his mouth shut like that, and then he has to listen to you.”

If it appears as though he isn’t taking your words seriously, a good slap in the face should get him to focus. 

Eventually Greg gets up and retreats to the basement where he apparently now lives. NeNe explains to Cynthia how upset she is that Greg refuses to communicate with her. If only Greg were as good of a communicator as NeNe they wouldn’t be having these problems. *sigh*

Next week Fakedra prepares for the birth of a baby she doesn’t want to have, Cynthia plans a wedding to a man she doesn’t want to marry, and Sheree dances in front of people even though she hates dancing.
On the bright side, it looks as though Kandi’s hair has a taken a small step closer to normal.

There is a new account on Twitter if you want to follow @FakedraParks

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56 Responses to The Real Housewives Of Atlanta – Singers, Songwriters, and Super Babies

  1. Alicia says:

    You are too funny! I just rolled of the couch I was laughing so hard! And it hurt! These women are too much! But I keep coming back bc I love NeNe and Kim. Without these 2 there would be no show! Esp if there was no NeNe!
    Love your recaps!

    • Thank u. Hope u didn’t hurt yourself! Lol

    • Savannah111 says:

      Real City Housewife, I love your funny recaps, the biggest laugh I think I had was reading your New Jersey recap where Kim G was in them standing in front of Teresa house. I laughed so hard I was crying it was to funny.

      I have a question for you, whats your favorite House wife series and whos your favorite house wife?

      • Savannah111 says:

        I have a question how do you do a thumps up or down ?

      • As far as the shows themselves go, New York is my favorite, I find them the most relatable. But New Jersey is the best for all around entertainment; reading/writing blogs, twitter wars, never ending gossip and rumors. Hell, they were so entertaining I kept on writing recaps after the show ended! I love that your favorite blog was the one with Kim G, that was one of my favorites to write.
        Favorite Housewife… it depends.
        I’m in love with NeNe right now. I like anyone who calls it like it is, so obviously I love watching Bethenny and Lisa too.
        Jac is boring on the show but she is my favorite to interact with on twitter.
        Dina and Teresa are my favorites to write blogs about.
        Kelly is my favorite to laugh at (If you are ever bored, just look through her twitpics and read the comments people leave)

        • Savannah111 says:

          Your to funny I love it, your picks are the same as mine, I like New York the best but I’m like you NJ is fun to watch because of all the drama. I can’t wait for NJ’s third season with the additions thats been added with one being Teresa’s SIL Melissa I hope they show what happened at the reception for Melissa’s son where supposely there were a lot of fireworks.. Teresa and Joe have no shame…

        • Need a Hobby says:

          Gotta say RCH, you’ve had a lot of great stuff, but Kim G screaming in T’s driveway (using Kim’s crazy tweets) & T yelling back to get her “old lady ass” off her property is definitely among the most memorable. I still LOL thinking of it. Thing is, with those looney toons, it’s totally believable that something just like that could happen. 😀

      • aquamarinecandy-o83 says:

        Ditto!! I agree, that recap was THE BEST, esp with Kim G in the driveway and Teresa yelling out the window…LOL

  2. Lurkey Loo says:

    OK…it’s finally time for me to come out of the lurking closet! I’ve got to tell you I absolutely love your blogs. Have been lurking and reading for some time now…and yes…falling off whatever piece of furniture I was sitting on at the time. That’s not counting the multiple sprays of beverages that have graced my monitor when reading them too!! Great job! Will be joining the posters now I think, when time permits!

  3. babelony says:

    That’s exactly what I thought about Kandi’s song. There’s no way she could think that Kim could sing that. And I didn’t like the song either.

    Too funny @ NeNe’s comunication skills and how uncomfortable was that scene? Yikes!

    Kim is Kim. Most people don’t like her, but she reminds me of an old friend who could make me laugh like no other. She wasn’t someone to turn to in hard times, but I accepted that for the laffos she provided.

    • Kandi totally gave Kim that song to fuck with her. Kim doesn’t want to be challenged as an artist she just want to have a hit on itunes and perform at some clubs. It’s just fun for her she doesn’t take it seriously. I think Kandi is jealous because she works really hard and Kim just waltzes in totally sucking and having no clue what she’s doing and gets a hit. Kim’s song was a lot more popular than Kandi’s and that’s got to hurt. Then not getting paid for it was just salt in the wound.

      • babelony says:

        Yep! Can’t blame Kandi for being mad about the money, but she’s the business woman so she needs to take some of the responsibility for that. She should make it up by writing another Tardy for the Party instead of trying to humiliate Kim though.

        So who did Google Me? It wasn’t Kandi, was it? That’s got to piss her off too.

      • Oooh why the thumbs down? Because I said Kandi is jealous?
        Sorry, it’s what I think.
        I agree with babelony, Kandi is a business women, she should have known better then to do a song without getting anything in writing. And I don’t like two-facedness. She is clearly pissed at Kim, she should just TELL HER rather than do all this passive agressive stuff.

        • AngryOldMan says:

          Great call on Kandi’s passive-aggression. Watching 2 Real Housewives series a week has addled my brain. I can’t remember the words for concepts anymore and keep describing things instead of calling them by their names. Anyway, enough about my early onset Alzheimer’s……

          Kandi is definitely catching the “second season disease.” She was nice last year and close to being a fan fave. Now she’s getting nasty and bitchy and mean and smelling herself too much. If Kim weren’t so self-delusionally preoccupied, she’d be pissed at Kandi.

          • The only thing working in Kandi’s favor is the fact that most people really dis-like Kim so they are willing to excuse Kandi’s behavior. Sorta like NY s1. People excused a lot of Jill’s behavior because they didn’t like Alex and Simon. So Kandi might just get a pass from the majority. But this type of behavior really annoys me. Both in real life and on tv.
            I love it that you said Kim would be pissed if she weren’t so self-delusionally preoccupied. Lol. So true.
            And the other thing that annoys me is how stupid Kandi is being. I thought she was supposed to be some smart business woman. The smart thing to do would be to offer Kim an amazing song that she loves and that will be a hit like TFTP, let her listen to it and fall in love with it, let her play it for everyone and hear how much they all love it, and then tell her that she’s not getting the song unless she signs a contract. Simple. Everyone wins, everyone makes money. And with Kim, you could totally sneak some bonus money for yourself into the fine print and she’d never even notice – and then there is your revenge. Not only is Kandi being petty, she’s being stupid and that loses her major points with me.

            • housewifeaddict says:

              The whole Kandi – song thing was really nagging at me, but you nailed it. I think I’m just clouded because I adore Kandi so much, and want to think she’s got good intentions – and Kim’s singing is so bad she would have butchered any song.

              Yup jealous – I mean whoda guessed Kim would have a hit? I’m sure Kandi just did the song to have a storyline in her first season, thinking (as we all did) that anything Kim sang would be awful (which it was). But someone, somewhere, thought it was awful enough that it took off.

    • Tuzentswurth says:

      Yeah, hysterical, Kim doesn’t need to be challenged and Kandi knows it. Kim needs to learn how to carry a tune, duh. Very funny recap RCH. Made my dog look at me funny while I laughed at the computer screen. I don’t think she understands what reading is.
      Comments about Peter and Just for Men….hahahaha, how do you come up with all this stuff consistently? Make those T-shirts!

  4. Daisy says:

    I agree….Real City Housewife is awesome!! You should make T-shirts and sell them from this site. Why not make some money and get a little advo….I think you are that good. (I hope I am not speaking in ignorance and you’ve already done this….if so, where can I buy one?)

    I watched this episode and have to say….Fakedra is a pathological liar. Really. How is it that her family looks and acts so normal, and yet she looks and acts like someone that came from a cabbage? They must have just tolerated her being that way, so she never learned how to act. That is why I think she lies when the truth would be better. She knows she’s lacking, and she knows that no one will buy her little act in the real world…so she lies.

    I would love to hang out for 30 minutes with NeNe. I am from the South, and these women would not be in my group of friends, but that NeNe….everyone needs a little NeNe every once in a while. She reminds me of our housekeeper, Topsy. She even kind of looks like her. Topsy could always say something so profound and arrow-straight with just a few words.

    Kim is nerve grating because she tries to fit in by throwing in the word ‘bitch’ every 5 spoken words. She is trying too hard, but that is why trailer park trash is so entertaining to watch. The lengths they go to to hit that bottom.

  5. Tam5115 says:

    Ok, so here’s what I don’t get. If that idiot wants to lie about how pregnant she is, why say something as absurd as that your doctor is inducing before you’re full term? Why not keep your mouth shut and afterward claim you went into labor early?

    Kim just needs to be told the truth… she can’t sing! And that if she wants another auto tune hit, she’s going to be paying for it. Enough is enough, delusion is not your friend.

  6. Tuzentswurth says:

    OH YIPPEEE. I see there is also a BS blog…..Taylor no less. Bonanza of a day!

  7. Ok… people r freaking out over this video. What am I missing?

    Admittedly, they weren’t talking about Teresa’s feud with Melissa or Taylor’s lips or Kim’s singing so I had a bit of trouble paying attention.

    • Tam5115 says:

      You will never hear me speak of this again. Religion is man made and it has caused most of the world’s misery. Yet, I believe in something bigger than we are. Not of our religions, but of instinct. Since we crawled out of the sea, we recognized that there is something else. Now that video shows you the immensity of what we are part of, how can we be so arrogant as to believe we are it? It is no accident but we can not be the only ones.

      And that’s it… my daddy told me never to speak of religion or politics. So there. lol

      • Tuzentswurth says:

        Man created religion in his own image. We are that narcissistic. That video is amazing, not creepy. Thanks for sharing, RCH. Nice start to my day.

      • Oh, yeah, I got that. I thought I was missing something because I wasn’t understanding peoples reactions to it.
        Haha… if people think that video is amazing they should watch the zeitgeist films or Ancient Aliens. Now those will freak you out.
        And I like your advice from your daddy. 😉

  8. Periwinkle says:

    So many water bottles…..so few labels. Does Bravo actually pay someone to rip those things off?

  9. Jeana says:

    Sweet!!

    I want to get Kim on Rock Band where they BOO you if you’re not in tune/pitch! I would have to wear a depends b/c I know that I would pee all over myself!! I might also have to pull a Sheree and pull at that wig.

    Fakedra, I know too many OB docs and they wouldn’t induce a person 7 months early unless it was putting you and the baby in life threatening danger. ESPECIALLY, a sue happy lawyer! You wouldn’t be at work you would be on complete bed rest at home or in the hospital. Did you know that an OB doc can be sued in the States up to 18 years? Fakedra, I’m sure you know that!

  10. Distressed says:

    Great recap, this Fakedra is a gift from the gods. Of course Apollo was born at 30 pounds eight months premature because his Dad was Zeus. Happens all the time when a god posing as a swan impregnates a beautiful mortal woman posing as a beautiful woman. Everybody knows that.

    My personal take on her is that she is/was a lawyer that got involved in Reality TV as a means to make money; instead of representing lowlifes – she decided to become one herself. Better money. Do the math. They’re all making money from their association with the donkey show network that Bravo has become.

    I hope you’re right. I hope this foolishness will have real negative consequences for this lying bitch, but unfortunately I think Fakedra is beyond any shame or humility. She’ll just blame all the white canned food eating peasants out there in Kansas.

    Anyone catch how focused “the vessel of the chosen one” was on the racial composition of Kim’s 5th grade class? She obsessed.

    Also I loved Kim telling Lawrence, “good luck in Kansas.” What a moron. Incredible. RCH, you’re absolutely right. Kandi has a new toy and it seems like she has a good chance at making LawLaw a new one hit wonder. He has a fantastic voice, with the right production team he could have a pretty good hit.

    Thanks for another great recap.

    • AngryOldMan says:

      Thanks for pointing out Phaedra’s comments about Kim’s yearbook. As I recall, Phaedra defended her prior comments about white families and canned food in her blog by saying she’s definitely not racist. Hmm. At the very least she’s race-obsessed.

  11. aquamarinecandy-o83 says:

    Hilarious recap! Esp. love the recaps of Kim trying to sing the song in the studio and Kandi rolling her eyes…hehe

  12. AngryOldMan says:

    Hey – what’s up with Cynthia? I mean besides this whole “cold feet” thing, she seems pretty normal, rational, reasonable and personable. She doesn’t seem too self-involved, seems like a good mother who worked on a solid relationship with her daughter’s father and she treats those around her with respect.

    What’s her secret? And by that I mean, what the hell is wrong with her? Of all the women on the Real Housewives shows (and really all the people to have appeared on Bravo), she may very well be the only one I’d like to know personally. I know I’ll regret those words in a few weeks when we find out she’s got a shrine to herself in her closet and makes her sister sacrifice a goat to Beelzebub every third Tuesday.

    • Yes I know, there must be something majorly wrong with Cynthia. She appears to be normal, nice, and down to earth and that just can’t be possible. No way Bravo would allow someone like that to be on tv.

      • Distressed says:

        I’m thinking they’re going for the bridezilla moment. But if that’s Cynthia’s closet crazy then I’m not judging her harshly. A wedding can do strange things to anyone involved especially a skittish bride.

        Wait and see on Cynthia, so far I’m loving her.

    • Distressed says:

      I really like her too. And the stuff with the kid and Leon was fantastic. If she’s vain, I’m even cool with that. Look at her, she’s got good reason to be conceited. Empirically she’s a 10 and she probably works hard to keep that figure.

      There has to be something, though. RCH is right. She’d never be allowed on the show if she was a well-adjusted human woman. We’ll have to wait and see on Cynthia, but I’m loving her right now. Maybe she fooled them in the interview. They thought, model = head case, unclean guy with 5 kids and a wedding. Roger that. Everybody loves a wedding. So far we haven’t seen the bridezilla come out. If that’s all the crazy Cynthia has in her then I’m still cool with that. A wedding can do strange things to the best of us.

      To bad we didn’t get to see Fakedra’s wedding. I can’t wait to see Phaedra turn pea green with envy. It’ll be quite a contrast. A really stylish wedding juxtaposed to the mockery of the baby shower. Can. Not. Wait. For. The Reunion.

    • housewifeaddict says:

      And she ‘claims’ never to have watched the show before signing up. The ones that ‘claim’ they didn’t know how much drama the show requires are either stupid or lying. But her blogs keep promising more drama. Maybe it’s just the NeNe throwing a fit at her wedding and wanting her hair done and holding up the whole thing – or maybe something worth waiting for.
      And while she seems great on the surface – what’s up with Peter? He seems a little off – great snark on the beard. I getting a little tired of his ‘lectures’.

      • I don’t like Peter. I haven’t figured out why yet… but there is something.
        I really didn’t like the scene with them in the kitchen talking about marriage. He’s like pressuring her to get married but he hasn’t even proposed. Wtf? How un romantic. And he said he was going to surprise her after she clearly said she doesn’t like surprises… I don’t like this guy.

  13. AngryOldMan says:

    Please delete my empty comment, misclicked.

    I agree, I’m not fond of Peter, could that be Cynthia’s flaw? First, the beard. RCH nailed it, “Grecian formula” indeed. He’d look 15 years younger. Second, he called out NeNe at the Mother’s Day Inappropriate Sex Talk Brunch for no reason. Third, 4 kids with 3 or 4 women? So Phaedra’s an ass but she does have a point. Peter isn’t “unclean,” but he’s got issues with women. Fourth, if Need A Hobby’s intel is accurate, he lies to make himself seem more important.

    Something is up with that Peter.

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