The Real Housewives of Atlanta – Beef, Pickles, and Powdered Sugar: 3 things I Just Threw In The Garbage Because I Will Never Eat Them Again After This Episode

Kim goes to Kandi’s house to participate in her online radio show. Once she finally finds the correct door, she sits down and immediately Kandi wants to talk about Kim’s vajayjay and whether or not she has something called “beef curtains” (gag me now). Why on earth Kandi would want to talk about these things, or know if Kim has them or not is beyond my comprehension. After we all get a nice description of Kim’s lady parts, everyone accuses her of being an accomplice to cheating. Kandi is passive aggressively paying Kim back for keeping all that Tardy For The Party money she never got.

Fakedra wants to take pregnancy pictures but is too klassy to take a picture with her belly exposed, so she decides to deep throat a pickle instead. That’s how Southern Belle’s do it, didn’t you know?

WARNING: Please have a trash can, a glass of water, and some crackers prepared before continuing.

 

Sheree is still dating Dr. Ty-EewwwYukGross Mohamad. He is apparently homeless so he decided to cook her dinner at his friends house apartment. Not only does this guy not own a home, he can’t even borrow one.

He then proceeds to woo her by forcing her to work…
shoving food in her face…
and getting naked at the dinner table.

Sheree must be reeeeeally lonely to be putting up with this crap.

Kandi has an inappropriate scene with her young daughter. She made her sing (poorly) in front of the camera and talk about her relationship (or lack there of) with her father. This scene, in addition to the constant two faced-ness regarding the Kim situation is really changing my opinion of Kandi. That, and her hair… oh that hair!

Cynthia and NeNe go bra shopping. NeNe needs some new bras to sit in her drawer and take up space and Cynthia needs some lingerie for her bachelorette party. Yeah… that makes sense.

Kim takes Arianna to buy furniture for her bedroom. All Arianna wants is a picture of a chicken wing on the wall and a baseball chair. If she’s not gay, she is going to make some man very happy one day.

Cynthia plans a Mother’s Day lunch. Kim bails and uses Brielle being sick as an excuse – again. My guess is that Big Poppa showed up with a nice piece of jewelry and a romantic date planned and she ditched the kids with her assistant to go out with him.

The women all show up and eat their Mother’s Day lunch outside in the rain without the men or the kids… or Cynthia’s sister who was clearly there, but I guess was not invited to sit at the cool girls table. High school all over again…. sigh.

Fakedra isn’t sure how long she’s been pregnant and thinks it will be ok to force the baby out at 6 months. Apparently in her mangled mess of a brain getting pregnant before your wedding is a worse offense than intentionally giving birth to a premature baby. Like NeNe said, lawyers are supposed to be good liars. I feel bad for whoever has to go to court with her by their side.

All this time I thought you weren’t supposed to talk with your mouth full! Now I know that the classy Southern thing to do is stick your fingers up your nose and put your hand in front of your mouth. Thanks for the manners lesson Fakedra!

Kandi not only talks about dildo’s with her mom, but planned to buy her one for Mother’s Day! What – the – fuck?! That’s creepier than Sheree’s date.

Fakedra, in an attempt to add “disgusting” to her “ignorant bitch” title, describes how she uses powdered sugar during oral sex so that it mixes with her… (I don’t even want to say it)… “juices” to create a sweet syrup for Apollo. As if the pickle visual wasn’t enough, I really needed to hear this too Bravo? Seriously?!!

Yes NeNe. My thoughts exactly:

Fakedra bought herself a Gucci bag and made Apollo deliver it to her in front of the other women in an attempt to show off. No one was impressed.

Then Cynthia’s dad comes in, tells NeNe that her marriage is falling apart because she is lazy in the bedroom, and the show is over.

Overall, this episode was a total barf fest. Between beef curtains, Dr. Creepy’s exposed torso, Fakedras lips sucking on pickles, moms with dildo’s, and powdered sugar being put into the scary places nightmares are made of….. I need to go take a shower. Or get some therapy. I’m not sure which. But I am traumatized.

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75 Responses to The Real Housewives of Atlanta – Beef, Pickles, and Powdered Sugar: 3 things I Just Threw In The Garbage Because I Will Never Eat Them Again After This Episode

  1. MickeyMouth says:

    Great recap as always RCH. Yes, this was one of the more tasteless episodes of any of the franchhises. Even Kim’s stripper pole routine didn’t make me as queasy.

    Everytime they said the name of Kandi’s radio program, Kandi Coated Nights, I kept thinking did she name it after the sugar trick?

    • Savannah111 says:

      Loved your recap of this episode, OMG this fakedra drives me nuts I can’t stand her.. She really needs to give it up already everyone knows that she got pregnant before she got married, coming up with the nonsense about having this baby early is just a bunch of bullshit.. I don’t know if she is really the person we see on the screen or if it’s what she’s creating this person on the screen every week either way, I can’t stand her period.. There’s nothing thats Southern Belle about this crazy person. I would love to see her ass on a horse she claims to be quite the rider HA. I have to agree with Nene I hate to have her represent me in anything, she does herself no favors on this show when it comes to her business, I’m betting her actions on this show will cause her to lose business. I think she’s an Idiot and I’m amazed that she passed the bar I wonder how many times she had to take it to pass ..

  2. RHofWhatever says:

    Agreed! Total Barf-fest!!! Ugh
    The only redeeming thing about this episode were the NeNe-isms. Girl had me laughing out loud more than once 🙂 Loving her!

  3. Meg1964 says:

    Hahaha Love it! Thank you! And I agree – I’ll never eat those things again either!

  4. Waxdiva says:

    Great recap! Does anyone know what beef curtains are? Educate me.

  5. Sardonica says:

    I am so happy I do not watch this franchise and happier that you recap in such an amusing manner. Now ‘scuse me while I make an appt for that much needed and overdue lobotomy. I really need it after this disturbing post.

  6. Sardonica says:

    I mean…sugar? Maybe he will become diabetic and one day, oh well…nevermind

  7. KellitaM says:

    Great recap! I’ve actually never seen RHOA, and this post reinforced my resolve. I’ll never look at powdered sugar the same way again! Gag.

  8. TrillianAlice says:

    Great recap as always. It really was a disturbing episode from start to finish on so many levels. I cannot believe how much I did not know about certain things and truthfully I wish I didn’t hear about them. Nene was hysterical, though

  9. Alicia says:

    Love your recap, as usual!!! Very funny!!!
    I couldn’t even watch this episode, it was beyond disgusting. I am thinking of giving on on the Atlanta crew. Not interesting anymore. Is this just me? Do you agree?

    • I can’t give them up. I have to watch to see what crazy shit Fakedra will do next. NeNe’s commentary makes it all bearable.

      • Snarkella says:

        I still haven’t seen Atlanta Housewives because I’ve been too busy with my niece visiting, but can’t wait to watch this trash for myself. LOL. Apparently no one is sane on these shows. More fun for me!

  10. @twilighttwitti says:

    I just hope Apollo is smart enough to get a DNA test. There is no way Phaedra got pregnant after she married him. It has to be someone Phaedra knows from the office. She’s not picky enough to marry a man that spent time in prison but is picky enough not to have his baby. #FakedraneedsaDNAtest

    • I assumed that was how she got him to marry her. Remember she said “this baby was your idea”.
      She prob got pregnant and then threatened to abort if he didn’t marry her.
      I know a woman who did that. The guy didn’t really love her, but he married her so that she wouldn’t abort his baby.

      • Raquel Papel says:

        I can see her doing that. Apollo knows this is his baby, hiding the due date was her idea. She wants to appear like she was a virgin…lol…holy ghost loving virgin

        • Humbruh says:

          That bitch aint been a virgin since Family Ties was on NBC’s primetime line up.

        • Distressed says:

          You might be right, but then why go all Dr. Ruth at the brunch. Pop Rocks blow jobs? Powdered Sugar in the who-ha? She doesn’t have a problem showing us how advanced her ho game is. So why the crappy, no she didn’t even, lies about the baby’s due date and the doctor planning on inducing labor at 34 weeks?

          I think Apollo really isn’t the father.

      • Snarkella says:

        Wow. I’m pro-choice but that is sicker than the powdered sugar thing. There are some truly horrible people in this world.

    • Distressed says:

      I really agree here. She’s not fudging the due date for her family’s benefit. She has to lie about the baby for Apollo’s sake.

  11. bacasam says:

    Personally, currently confused what I believe regarding Kandi. Aware Bravo is REALLY into editing their own story so hoping that’s what’s up, but every week getting harder and harder to watch what they show about her life. Truthfully, have never have really been that into the Atlanta “wives,” but she was the one who kept me tuning in. So….I’ve now into a let’s see where it goes. Overall opinion is this season has been disappointing.

  12. RHofWhatever says:

    What I have been pondering is how Fakedra new so much about how the powdered sugar tasted and the texture. She REALLY got into describing it…..

  13. Need a Hobby says:

    Hiya, RCH! Good to see you. Hitting on all cylinders, as usual, LOL. I can’t remember if there were any food advertisers for that show, but NeNe kinda summed it up for many IMO.

    Cracked me up that Fakera (I like the sound of that….like one of those old Japanese sci fi movie monsters) let her fake oh so delicate & proper southern belle persona drop long enough to show off her expertise in the packing of various foodstuffs into various orifices. Bet her pastor parents are proud. First they find out from the show that she married a convicted felon, now they know why they couldn’t keep powdered sugar in the house when she was around.

    BTW, have you read Cynthia Bailey’s Bravo blog? Damn, she’s funny! (Now we know why she was following you on twitter before the show even hit the air….she’s got a sense of humor.)

    If you don’t mind, I’ll post pg 2 of her Bravo blog:

    “Things that made me giggle, cringe, or just left me confused:”

    1. The brunch turning into a cross between an episode of “Girls Gone Wild,” “The Food Network,” and “Sex and the City.”

    2. Being very pregnant, and not having any idea when your due date is. Not a clue. Is that show “Unsolved Mysteries” still on?

    3. The thought of any of our mothers (or any of us for that matter) getting our dildo on.

    4. Putting food products inside my “private area.” We are in a recession, and groceries cost too much money to keep my “private area” stocked in addition to my refrigerator.

    5. Having your unborn baby super early because it is sitting on your bladder. Well, where else is it supposed to sit? Noelle was born almost 9 pounds, and I think it’s safe to say she sat on my bladder and anywhere else she could find to sit on. When did this become an option?

    6. Peter announcing that Mr. Clean had arrived bearing Mother’s Day gifts. Oops, I mean gift. Have to agree with Sheree on this one. What rhymes with “wacky?”

    7. NeNe almost barfing at the thought of chowing down on powdered sugar mixed with a little va-jay-jay juice. Did I hear someone say “delicious?” I think I just threw up in my mouth.

    8. Is it just me, or would Dr. Muhammad look a lot better if he just shaved his head? Even if he was a billionaire, the hair still needs to go.

    9. Peter being a jerk for upsetting NeNe by being insensitive. Thanks Peter, that’s exactly what my relationship with NeNe needed. TENSION. Good looking out, babe.

    10. Never did figure out what “completing the full act” means. Sounds scary and very painful, maybe even illegal.

    11. Great baby advice to any new mom: Leave your child inside of you until he is ready to come out or at least until his due date. How brilliant is that? Thanks NeNe.

    12. I still don’t believe that I am a D bra size, even though the bras did fit.

    13. Kim was missed at the dinner table. Her input would have been welcomed, and no doubt hilarious.

    14. For the record. I do live in a re-gentrified neighborhood. I grew up in the hood or the ghetto (whatever you want to call it), and I love and respect all my fellow neighbors. People are people, no matter where they live, or how much money they make. Besides I love my house, and I could care less what kind of neighborhood it is in. But thanks for pointing that out, because I keep forgetting. Excuse me for not living next door from Usher and across the street from Luda.

    15. Question: Is it right to hate on people, and then get all self- righteous when that same hate is returned? Hmmmm. Something to ponder.
    http://www.bravotv.com/the-real-housewives-of-atlanta/season-3/blogs/cynthia-bailey/cynthias-social-network?page=0,1

    • Tuzentswurth says:

      re# 15…where was that quote when we needed it; when canned- fried- chicken-gate erupted?

      • Tuzentswurth says:

        Though, the error of this is , there was no hate, only humor in the canned-fried-chicken-gate post. I don’t hate Fakedra, she amuses me to no end!

    • AngryOldMan says:

      While this episode was supposed to be about Mothers (and seemingly how they got that way with all the sex talk), I thought the men were more interesting.

      What was up with Peter? I get why he’d be pissed off at Phaedra for her bs in the limo on the way to that sorry horse race. But why come out of left field talking smack about Nene? I did not get it. BUT, it was later in the day and he struck me as kind of tipsy. How much you wanna bet the producers egged him on? I think he’ll be edited into a villian before the season is out. And that’s sad cause I really like Cynthia.

      AND: Apollo. Pickle sucking. Prison. WTF?

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  15. housewifeaddict says:

    Great blog! I love the photos you capture. I’m on NeNe’s side on this one about the discussion at brunch. I feel a little guilty about a) not knowing what the heck they were talking about, and 2) being too prudish to want to hear about it on television. Maybe Kandi Coated Nights has Kandi thinking that ‘stuff” is okay to talk about in public – or with your girlfriends. They can’t blame this one on the editing.

    Interesting observation about Cynthia’s sister. I guess she’s just one of the assistants that stays off camera. I hope she’s okay with her supermodel sister getting all the attention.

    • Thanks! 🙂

      I don’t think I’m a prude, but some things I just wouldn’t feel comfortable talking about. Especially not on tv! Kandi and Fakedra are just gross. Do whatever you want in your bedroom – but I don’t need to hear about it!

      Oh, but I did hear a new term recently: DSL (it means dick sucking lips. Lol.) Fakedra definitely has those!

  16. WHOA says:

    Forget pickles, I get sick just looking at Fakedra f’d up mouth.

  17. Humbruh says:

    I just have 2 questions:

    1.) On what planet is it cute to take portraits with pickles in your mouth?

    2.) What straight man would ever allow themselves to be photographed sucking on a pickle?

  18. klmh says:

    Just loved your recap! LOL…

  19. klmh says:

    And Ben Wiener’s mother and father allow him to watch this stuff.

    This, Andy, is why 13 year olds should not be watching Real Housewives.

  20. Amber...Real Wife says:

    Great blog RCH! Thanks for the hit. 😉 I don’t think Kandi’s being two faced as much as being a business woman and trying to remain friends with Kim. She got jerked for helping a talentless whore and still she’s willing to help her again. She didn’t offer another song, Kim asked. Now she did offer the tour, I believe, in order to take advantage of Kim’s fans – HW’s fanatics, gays and lunatics.

    We all know Kim is a flake, and Kandi must know this by now. That may be the difference that we see in Kandi. Plus as we all know Kandi didn’t adhere to the adages of… Always get it in writing, Money is the root of all evil, Money can ruin a friendship, Never mix business with pleasure etc. etc.

  21. Miss Anthrope says:

    Ok….the pickles, the Gucci bag, the powdered sugar…fuck all that. What really blew my mind was the due date conversation.

    Did she really expect people to believe that ANY doctor would induce labor at 6 months?! Is she mental!? “Well it’s okay as long as everything is fully formed”. LOL! Someone needs to buy this bitch a copy of What to Expect When You’re Expecting! Because no baby is “fully formed” at 6 months old. I don’t even have kids and I know that. Either she is just that stupid and doesn’t know anything about the fetus growing inside of her, or she thinks everyone else on earth is a blithering moron. Maybe both? Either way, I feel so sorry for that baby. Not only is mommy a self absorbed twat, but she also doesn’t know the first damn thing about babies. She’s probably going to try feeding it pickles and pate by the time it’s a week old. Idiot.

    Obviously she was already pregnant when she got married and is too concerned with being a “classy southern belle” to just admit it. Personally, I would never have a child out of wedlock. But it’s not like thousands of other people don’t do it all the time. Hell, tons of celebrities do it now. Nobody even bats an eye at it. Just fess up and move on. You’re married now anyway. She made a much bigger ass of herself with that hilarious story about being induced at 6 months than she would have by just saying she was knocked up when she got hitched.

    SHUT UP! That is so STUPID!

    She’s willing to talk about how she swallows and puts powdered sugar on her cooch before oral on tv but she won’t tell the truth about when she got pregnant? These bitches really are foolish.

    Cynthia is quickly becoming a favorite of mine. She’s not particularly entertaining, but she has a really likable personality and is very beautiful.

    • Savannah111 says:

      YESSSSSSSS Thank you Miss Anthrope I agree with everything you said. The woman has lost her mind on this show, and she’s blowing the rest of ours with her nonsense. I don’t know if shes really the crazy bitch that we see or if shes creating her either way with someone that is supposed to be in the public spotlight as an attorney any normal person wouldn’t go near her. I don’t know if she has a private pratice or if she has partners, but I bet shes caused a lot of damage either way.. Most of housewives try to get business from their exposure on these shows I dont know what shes trying to do.. I cant believe no one has gone off on her yet, I know she;s pregnant but a person can only take so much she just keeps digging and digging. I expect the reunion to have a lot of fireworks.

    • AnnaM says:

      Can she not realize that anyone taking a good hard look at her can tell she is more than 6 months pregnant? I know everyones bodies are different, but good heavens my sis-in-law was smaller at 8 months and she had twins.

  22. Snarkella says:

    Thank you Miss Anthrope ! That was so good. LOL

  23. TheDesignDiva says:

    Great Recap and so LOVE the visuals you provide…It makes reading your recap so much more enjoyable than others…..
    I love the comments also…..they are priceless…
    This one was so wrong on many levels…..WHO TALKS LIKE THAT ON TV !!!!
    I know when my sisters and my Mother all get together we have those KIND of talks for the ‘humor” but we would NEVER do it on TV…….
    Well i guess to each their own..
    Poor Apollo……guess he didnt read the FINE print in that pre nup he signed where liver lips is allowed to make an ASS of him whenever and wherever she pleases….
    My dollar says he LEAVES and takes the kid in under a year after the “birth”..

    WATCH WHAT HAPPENS….You know the WHITE FAMILY will give her a run for the hills….
    Hugs and Peace
    Diva

  24. Distressed says:

    Nene is so back, loving her comments on everything especially Fakedra.

    I disagree with the consensus here in that I strongly suspect Apollo is not the father. She has to fudge the due date because he knows for sure they didn’t screw until way after the date of conception.

    If the lying was merely for the benefit of the family or the general public then why go on TV talking about Pop Rocks blow jobs and the merits of incorporating powdered sugar into your sex routine? Doesn’t make any sense. Nene is right – a professional liar like a lawyer who can’t come up with a convincing lie should tell you a great deal.

    Anyone read Fakedra’s last blog? Sounds like Fakedra is taking Joyce’s advice, to Nene, to not waste her life in marriage that can never make her happy.

    How can this woman be so devoid of any common sense or basic humanity? Her mother, the virtuous and beautiful original Southern Belle, beat the shit out of her on a daily basis:

    http://www.bravotv.com/the-real-housewives-of-atlanta/season-3/videos/phaedras-surprise-for-mom

    Pretty simple. Beatings do pay off later in life.

  25. Jersey says:

    Am I the only one that caught this: Fraudra is 38, Cynthia’s fiance asked Apollo how old he was when they were at the mother’s day lunch and he said 30. Now didn’t Fraudra say she met him in college???? As what? his babysitter? Any good lawyer should know that you need to get together and get your stories straight! I wonder if her clients are watching this show and heading for the hills

    • Distressed says:

      “Fraudra” love it. I’ve said it before and I’ll post it again. I don’t know what is more upsetting, the fact that she would lie this way or the implication that she thinks we’re so fucking stupid as to believe her bull.

  26. Tam5115 says:

    Good Lord! What a bunch of bullshit!

    I can’t believe they didn’t just call Fakedra on it at the time. There isn’t an obstetrician alive that would ever induce at 6 months, not unless the mother was dying at that minute. It’s such an absurd lie that she totally needs to be called on it.

    This is really the first season of Atlanta that I’ve actually watched. I’d seen an episode here and there in the past. I just got to say, I love NeNe! I don’t know what she did before that people didn’t like her, but I love her! She just cracks me up.

    • Tuzentswurth says:

      Hi Tam!!! 🙂

      • Tam5115 says:

        Hi Tuzentswurth!!!
        I know I’m a little scarce these days. Between family issues and the fact that Survivor is currently airing… I haven’t taken the time to keep up on the blogs or shows. I just watched the last two Atlanta episodes and a BH one last night off the DVR.

    • Tracy (w/out an 'E') aka mscarp says:

      I agree, and it’s been said that the baby was born in May. So how’d we get from a due date in August to the baby being born in May?! And as far as we astute viewres can tell, she looks pretty damned full-term, so… Anyone been able to find out the baby’s exact birthdate and birth weight, cuz that would definitely clear some things up. Some commenters have said no one can really find out anything about the baby, so I sincerely hope he/she was born healthy. If so, then maybe the secrecy concerns the fact that the baby was revealed at birth not to be half black/half black & white? Maybe it’s more half black/half Asian or the like and therefore clearly NOT Apollo’s? Inquiring snarky minds wanna know.

    • Distressed says:

      On Nene, everyone loved her in season 1 then she came off as a delusional, pretentious, lying bitch in season 2 with violent tendencies. Now in season 3 you can see the old Nene again. She’s kind of the Bethenny of Atlanta. “shut up that is so stupid, even girls from the hood don’t even know who they’re pregnant by know, honey, how far along they are.” Classic, Nene.

      Nene had trouble adjusting to her new stardom, I think. So far it looks like that adjustment has gone well and I’m loving her this season again.

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