The Real Housewives Of Atlanta – Willy Wonka And The Baby Shower

The show starts with NeNe visiting the plastic surgeon for a boob reduction, nose job, and stomach lipo. Since Greg has been neglecting her she chose to wear a sexy robe and go with full frontal nudity while showing the doctor her stomach. Unfortunately her attempts at seduction were unsuccessful. She did get a 10% discount though.

We meet Kim’s parents and it clarifies a lot of things. I don’t know why I thought they were like a nice old couple sitting in their house skipping over Bravo while channel surfing and feeling like total failures for the way their daughter turned out. They are just like her! The mom yells “Thank you Big Poppa!” for the wine, and the father is totally fine with Kim being back with him as long as he gets to use his pool. Oh, and Kim is Italian. Makes so much sense now. Sorry to my Italian friends out there, but I can’t look at you guys the same anymore. The Real Housewives has done more to damage the Italian American reputation than the Mafia ever did.

Kim wants to get Arriana baptised, but the church won’t do it because Kim is like the exact opposite of what a good Catholic should be. Her mom says they just want money and suggests Kim make a call to Big Poppa to take care of it.

In his interview Kim’s dad says that Kim is a class individual. Or he may have said crass… It was hard to tell. Crass definitely makes more sense.

Fakedra invites Cynthia to a Steeplechase so that they can get to know each other better. Then she spends ten minutes of interview time talking shit about Cynthia and models in general. Fakedra is not capable of saying nice things about anyone but herself.

Fakedra continues her shit talking in the limo. She explains (to the man who just told her he has 5 kids) that her husband is “clean” because he doesn’t have a bunch of children or any baby mammas (that she knows of) and goes on and on about how she is so holy and didn’t live in sin before the wedding (so that’s how she scammed him into marrying her) and how awful it would be to marry someone who already has children and baggage….
Who else can’t wait until Apollo divorces her and she becomes an “un clean” woman with baggage and a baby daddy?

Cynthia says her man was about 5 minutes from choking Fakedra. I wish he would have!! No jury would convict him after seeing this video.

Tammy Fay Baker and Willy Wonka?

Yep. Sounds about right. Good call Cynthia.

Fakedra is another “true equestrian” like Kelly and Mary. She rode a couple of times in college and that (of course) automatically entitles her to know everything about the sport (even though horse racing is a totally different sport) and proceeds to insult the professional riders who do this for a living and explain to the camera what they are doing wrong.

I don’t understand why they got all dressed up to stand on wet grass. They didn’t even have seats, they just stood next to the fence. When the OC ladies go to the races they have tables and champagne and waiters serving food.

Kandi is still talking shit in her interviews about Kim not paying her for Tardy For The Party. But when Kim comes and asks her to make another song happen for her, Kandi not only doesn’t bring up the money situation, she enthusiastically agrees and offers Kim to go on tour with her. Maybe Google Me was Kandi’s secret revenge?

Fakedra, not to be outdone in the ridiculous department by Teresa Giudice, decides to do a first dance at her baby shower. But she is forced to do the dance with Dwight because her husband is too normal to go along with this crazy shit.

It turns out that Sheree’s doctor boyfriend is not actually a real doctor, he is a “love doctor”. Ladies, if you have been wondering why successful black men are not interested in you, now you know – it’s because you’ve been opening the ketchup bottle all on your own. I don’t know how they do it down south, but I can’t remember the last time I saw a bottle of ketchup. Aren’t they all in those plastic squeeze things now?
But on the bright side, now I know that I’ve been unintentionally making my marriage better due to the fact that I am unable to open anything that has a lid on it. Even if I was the one who closed it.

NeNe is home from the hospital after her boob job, lipo, and nose job touch up. Kim cracked open a bottle of champagne, NeNe cracked open her bottle of pain pills and they had a little party in the living room.

In case any of you haven’t had the time to get a lap dance recently, let me inform you: bedazzled eyelids are the newest fashion trend in high class stripper wear. You want your very own sequins with adhesive backing? You can find them at your local sex store for about $6.99.

I was waiting for her head to start spinning around and for her to spew green slime out of her mouth, but it never happened. Maybe next episode.

Fakedra’s stylists clearly hate her as much as the rest of us do. She can claim that she had flowers in her hair until her face turns blue, but all I saw were large white christmas lights.

Fakedra is one woman who could really benefit from some botox on her upper lip.

NeNe’s thoughts on Fakedra:

Kim showed up to the baby shower extravaganza an hour late, without a hat, and wearing the complete opposite of a pastel colored tea dress. Awesome.

Lisa showed up too and added absolutely nothing to the show, as usual.

Fakedra does her first dance with Dwight and some ballerina back up dancers because, as an entertainment lawyer, she has a better appreciation for the arts than the average person who doesn’t know Bobby Brown.

The women were horrified by the grandiose display of embarrassment.

Hey check out my Fakedra impression!

I can’t belive she had BALLET music when she could have had me sing Tardy For The Party!! Bitch is CRAZY!


Read Fakedra’s Fake Ass Bravo Blog

This entry was posted in Recaps, The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

76 Responses to The Real Housewives Of Atlanta – Willy Wonka And The Baby Shower

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention #RHOA The Real Housewives Of Atlanta – Willy Wonka And The Baby Shower | --

  2. Snarkella says:

    Lol. I love you! I was just sitting here bored when your new blog appeared. I don’t even watch Atlanta but I’m going to start. I hope it’s really as funny as you make it seem.

    • Yeah Atl is actually pretty funny. Between NeNe and Cynthia you don’t even need my blog.

      • Need a Hobby says:

        Oh, don’t say that, RCH. We still need your very own special take on these folks. It’s like the aftergame wrap up. LOL. The Atlanta Ho’wives just give you better material to work with than some of the others.

        You heroically managed to spin gold out of the dross that was the DC RH show so kudos for that. The Atlanta HWs are like a feast after a long drought.

        And RHOBH is on a whole ‘nother level. I’m still enchanted with Lisa’s humble abode. It’s like a lilliputian municipality. I wonder if she issues her own postage stamps just for the holiday season. 😉

  3. MickeyMouth says:

    “Fakedra is not capable of saying nice things about anyone but herself.” – True That!

  4. Snarkella says:

    Oh, and who would have thought white rose buds could look so ugly? Thank you Phaedra. I love seeing common objects in a new light. Lol

  5. Waxdiva says:

    As always, your blog was great! Seriously… doesn’t Bravo have time to check out the people who appear on their shows? Didn’t donkeyface Sha-raaa do a quick check on her ‘doctor’ before their second date that would tell her that he’s a total fake? Whatever happened to Danny Provenzano and his mute sidekick?

    • Need a Hobby says:

      I’m surprised that so far Bravo hasn’t hooked up Sheree with a Bing commercial. They could show her actually looking up her “doctor” and then throwing a hissy when she learns what a fraud he is. I’d watch that. Better than Rachel (Zoe) and Rodger going online searching for another Starbucks.

      I know it’s an all for TV “relationship,” but still Sheree looks like a fool going on about that poser as if she would ever IRL give him the time of day. Especially after that first “date” at the mini mall, LOL

  6. Alicia says:

    Hysterical!!! Love the comment about the flowers in the hair!!!!
    Love it!!!

    • WindyCityWondering says:

      Even a flower girl in a wedding wouldn’t have worn those lightbulbs randoming attached to her head! But it did help deflect looking at her stripper/hooker/trashy eyelid glitter!

      • Need a Hobby says:

        The whole Fakedra effect was so OMG bloody awful, I didn’t notice that the buds looked like Christmas tree lights until RCH mentioned it. Now that’s all they look like to me, lol. I now imagine them blinking on & off. She’s so classy, ya know.

  7. Matt Martin says:

    Great job you had me cracking up!

  8. TrueLifeDiva says:

    I once had a bride request the Swarskies on her eyes and she had a rosebud wreath on her head. Must be related. She looked dumb too! Hilarious 🙂

  9. Miss Anthrope says:

    Watching Nene all drugged up was hysterical. That’s exactly how I act under anesthesia. After my first colonoscopy, the nurse woke me up and I said “DUDE! I GOT AN ANAL PROBE! LOLOLOLOL”. I was pretty popular that day. So I totally related to those scenes of her after the surgery.

    I don’t know wtf is going on with Kims parents. My father would kick my sloppy ass all over the place if I was dating a married man, and he sure as hell wouldn’t be drinking any wine the man bought, let alone taking a dip in the guys pool. It’s no wonder Kim has such poor morals.

    Phaedra….what. the. fuck.

    You know your shit is whack when Kim Zolciak thinks it’s over the top. Every single thing about that “baby shower” was beyond idiotic. The giant roses in her hair that I originally thought were some kind of bird eggs, the ballerinas, the dance, the hats. WTF? How was she not completely mortified? I would crawl under the table and cry if someone threw me a shower like that. I DEFINITELY wouldn’t plan it for myself. I didn’t think it was possible but this bitch beat Kim Zolciak for tackiest housewife of all time. That’s no small feat.

    • She beat Kim Z and she’s giving Teresa a run for her money.
      Teresa had a first dance with the baby, Fakedra had a first dance before the baby was even born! Can you imagine was the baptism is going to be like? And she’s using the “southern belle” excuse the same way Teresa uses the “Italian” excuse.
      She also lives in the same kind of denial that the Giuduice’s and Salahi’s live in. Her blogs prove that not only is she not embarrassed, she see’s absolutely nothing wrong with the way she is. Bravo sure knows how to pick em. Lol.

  10. Bella says:

    OMG…This is by far one of your funniest lol. Fakedra is absolutely ridiculous. How can someone claim to have such high standards yet wear that mess on their eyes? As we say in ATL, “Where they do that at?” !?! Fakedra needs a real reality check.

  11. Tracy says:

    This episode now confirms what I believed in the first place. When Bravo casts these shows they look for the most delusional, self-centered, egotistical women they can find.

    Oh, and off topic? I was on facebook and Andy Cohen is going to be on “The Women of SNL” Monday night doing a parody of three years of Real Housewives reunion shows.
    I’m gonna check it out.

  12. Pingback: The Real Housewives Of Atlanta – Willy Wonka And The Baby Shower | | Daily Reality Dose

  13. missmi says:

    Frankly, I have never heard of people begging to go to a baby shower. She kept referring to the fact that all these people are desperate to be there, just like her wedding. She actually said that people who were late should not expect to attend. WTF!!!!! Who behaves like that. Im surprised it wasnt at some secret location so the paparazzi couldnt come.

    • Distressed says:

      The entire thing was just so offensive on each and every level.

      Did all her guests know that she has nothing but contempt for them? Did she put Anthrax in the invitations? I’m sure they had better things to do then watch a grown woman “celebrating her achievements” by acting like a 5 year old and dressing like a freaking alien.

      Oh that’s right this was the Halloween show, she went as a grown-up.

    • Lol. Yeah I would like to meet the people who were begging to come, because it didn’t look like the people who were invited even wanted to be there. If this is what her ego was like back then, can you just imagine now that she’s going to be famous? Poor Apollo. We should set up a “Save Apollo fund” to help him out with food, shelter, and counseling once he finally gets away from her.

      • Jennifer says:

        Yes, begging to get in… telling Dwight to turn them away. Hello Fakedra – Kim just waltzed herself right in an hour late – and there were still seats. How do you spell delusional? Oh, I know F-A-K-E-D-R-A. I think it was more like people begging to be let out.

  14. WindyCityWondering says:

    Truly, seriously, wtf – Fakedra was raised by ministers? Did a UFO abduct her and return her as a southern belle? This woman is the picture in the dictionary next to Hot Altanta Mess! Rosebuds on steroids? Rhinstones on her eyelids? Hats and Gloves at a baby shower? Her husband is too manly to participate in this bougieghetto circus? But what is really creepy…..Fakedra fantasy of a baby shower! Happy Halloween to all!

  15. Distressed says:

    I agree entirely here and need to echo the comments on this blog. It’s as if Bravo gives them a shrink evaluation and if they don’t fail spectacularly then no dice on the casting. Fakedra could be the absolute worst Real of all time. Recall that Kim was the voice of reason in this episode, “sit in a rocking chair open your presents and eat some cake,” done. I never thought that could ever happen.

    Anyone see the previews, something ain’t adding up with Fakedra’s timeline.

    Doctors do not plan to induce labor in women at 34 weeks unless you’re half dead from complications. Who’s her doctor, Tiy-E? Sounds about right.

    So she’s not even pregnant by her husband because of course they never lived in sin or had any sex before marriage. I don’t know what’s more upsetting the fact that she would be such a hypocrite or the fact that she thinks we’re so fucking stupid as to buy any of her bullshit.

    RCH, thanks for another inspired blog.

    • Distressed says:

      Also, I think the Nene I loved to love, season 1, is back in full force. Welcome back, Nene. You were missed.

    • WindyCityWondering says:

      We obviously know nothing about birthing babies or simple math!
      OMG, Fakedra appears to be the Virgin Mary of the Southern Belles! Nothing she said at that luncheon registered as truth with any of the women sitting there…to profess to be so educated and yet not know what her due date is or what to expect??? My wish is for Apollo to take that little baby and run far, far away from that freak of a wife.

      • Need a Hobby says:

        My theory is that Apollo was paroled into Fakedra’s custody after serving 6 years of an 18 year sentence as a continuation of his punishment while sparing the taxpayers the cost of his upkeep.

    • jezzibel says:

      That was a definante if-looks-could-kill look she threw at NeNe when she said “then Keep it in”.

    • Need a Hobby says:

      I know…’s really bad when Kim Z is the voice of reason in a scene. I was shocked when she basically had the same reaction I had while watching that jacked up “baby shower.” It wasn’t a baby shower, it was a “celebration” of Fakedra and it looked like that the attendees had been either blackmailed or paid to be there. Bet they had a casting call for extras and that’s how Bravo filled up the place.

      • Distressed says:

        Absolutely, the invitation reads something like, “if you’d like to appear on the Bravo TV show then please come …. ”

        But did you see how everyone was fanning themselves? There wasn’t even any goddamn air-conditioning in the room. In Atlanta? AC is a religion in the south. An expensive party like this, and you ask your guests to dress up in hats and gloves and hose? Dwight supposedly said that some people had been waiting hours for her entrance. In a sweltering box of a banquet hall, the kind you could find in the nearest discount rate Motel 6. Classy, Fakedra.

        Man did Dwight ever pick the wrong horse’s ass to kiss in this race. He should have stuck with Nene. No offense to Nene, I’m loving her again this season.

  16. Yesterday I tweeted this:
    PutYourHairUp: Is @PhaedraParks really an entertainment lawyer, or a criminal lawyer who represents criminals in the entertainment industry? Just curious.

    Fakedra tweeted back:
    PhaedraParks: @PutYourHairUp you can google and youtube me for more info. There is plenty of articles from ’00-present.

    I replied:
    PutYourHairUp: @PhaedraParks It would have taken you less words to just answer my question.

    • jezzibel says:

      bad idea her telling you to dig around about her…..I’m waiting for you to uncover some HUUGGEEE dirt on her.

      • Distressed says:

        It’s already started, reposting a link here to a blind item that might be about Ms. Fabulous.

        And next week she’s going to be on the TV fudging the date of conception. If she really never slept with Apollo before the wedding like she said on tape then her baby can’t really be his. Can it? I don’t know. Something ain’t right.

        • Need a Hobby says:

          This is a kicker…..apparently Fakedra never informed her family about her hubby’s “unfortunate incarceration.” (That phrase used in homage to the show “Designing Women.” It’s how Anthony referred to his time in the slammer.)

          They found out from the media:

          Ain’t that something?

          • Distressed says:

            Fantastic link, no I mean wow.

            They didn’t know he was a con until AFTER THE WEDDING? When they read the damn blogs about the show? They must be spitting nails now boy oh boy.

            Couple points to add to your post here.

            Notice how they never mention the parents names and that they’re a politically connected family. That means something, dunno what. But this is politics. Dwight claimed “the Governor” of Georgia, presumably, attended the wedding. Did he know that he was witnessing the vows of a friend’s daughter and a current parole? This is bad. really bad.

            And she always turns it around to be a sob story about Apollo paying his debt to society and the triumph of healing and love. Malcolm X this guy ain’t.

            She really is some piece of work.

          • crazysweet says:

            the one thing this article proves to me is that I knew that bitch had her lips done! look how much thinner they are in this old pic. int he show they are unnatural and don’t move right!!!

          • Tracy (w/out an 'E') aka mscarp says:

            OMG thank you for the Designing Women reference! Seeing as Fakedra’s a classy Southern lady, I am quite certain she refers to his white collar-crime stay in the pen as his “unfortunate incarceration”.

    • Distressed says:

      Next time ask her if she is in fact an “industry hoe” as reported in this blog.

      They also report that Parks is “known for representing and co-producing Tiny and Toya’s Bet Reality Show” so she’s one of these total scumbag reality TV show producers to boot.

  17. Fashion42 says:

    Hahahaa you capture Fakedras most stunning moments with your screen shots. She constantly looks like she’s sniffing sh*t on her upper lip. Not a flattering look…

    • WindyCityWondering says:

      She really does appear to be smelling something very unpleasant alot of the time or just trying to perfect the Elvis sneer – either way she looks constipated!

  18. psol says:

    Great blog!

  19. Need a Hobby says:

    From an article about her wedding:

    The wedding party consisted of Phaedra’s best friends Kysha Cameron (V-103′s Ryan Cameron’s wife) and video vixen/exotic dancer Whyte Chocolate were the matron and maid of honor. Grammy winning producer songwriter Manuel Seal (Usher, Mariah Carey, Mary J Blige, TLC) and DJ Nabs provided the musical entertainment.

    There were also judges from every court in the state of Georgia including Lt. Gov Mark Taylor, Supreme Ct Justices Robert Benham, Carol Hunstein and Court of Appeals Judge Anne Barnes. I also spotted Mz. Shynecka and model/actress Veronica Best.

    Read more:

    Rappers, exotic dancers, judges & politicians, oh my.

    (having trouble posting? weird.)

  20. housewifeaddict says:

    Did anyone notice the brown house slippers she’s wearing at her baby shower. This woman is beyond HILARiOUS. But I suppose she had to do something to get on the show, and I find this oh so much more amusing that than Kim G’s antics to be picked as a housewife.

    • Need a Hobby says:

      Yeah, I was like, huh? But by then, it was sensory overload so it didn’t have quite have the impact it would have had at some less surreal fancy ass disaster. It was just one more thing in a series of bizarre choices.

  21. Need a Hobby says:

    A pic of Fakedra’s wedding cake. Click on the pic to see it enlarged for a better appreciation of it’s sheer stupifyingly WTFness:

  22. Sarah310 says:

    Hey! Kelly isn’t a terrible rider for only learning to ride 5 or 6 years ago!! She’s a beginner and I don’t think she denies that?? Unless I missed something. She’s a lot better than all the women I’ve seen who attempt to ride at an later age.
    There is no way FAKEDRA knows anything about steeplechase unless she was once a great cross country rider which I doubt. I have found that the people who never ride are the ones who are the most critical. In the US the steeplechase world is not connected with the horse racing conglomerate. Steeplechase is a brutal tough “sport” and I have seen 5-6 horses drop dead immediately after in my years going to the VA Gold Cup. It’s not something I support as a horse lover.
    Fakedra is too heavy to ride. I sure as hell wouldn’t let her ride any of our horses.

    • Kelly calls herself an equestrian in her bio. She rides for fun in the summer. That’s why it annoys me.

      • crazysweet says:

        agreed, I dance and when i go to showcases I generally feel support and admire my fellow dancers because I know how difficult it is even just to get past the nerves let alone the dance. I find that the people who claim to be belly dancers are typically the most critical, yet I’ve never seen them perform or in practice.

        • Tracy (w/out an 'E') aka mscarp says:

          Kelly is terrible because she’s not an equestrian, she’s a horseback rider. Big difference. It’s creepy.

  23. crazysweet says:

    can anyone tell me why in the hell these women kiss Kim’s ass so badly?
    I mean seriously…Kandi talks her shit and rightly so then agrees to do another song and go on tour? Nene “there will never be a Kim and Nene….NEVER!” Leaks royally kisses her ass. Fakedra let her come in and hour late w/o “southern style” required then ran over to the table to say hi and chat till they yanked her away. Sheree (whom we’ve seen in only a few scenes ALL of them contrived and filled with ‘actors”) kissed her ass at Kandi’s show. and I really don’t count the girl who’s not Fakedra yet….but honestly wtf is the deal?? I’m so confused.

  24. Mrs.Wildman says:

    Fakedra’s rosebud Christmas light display actually reminded me of devil horns on first glance. Or maybe that was just her personality giving that perception.

    On a different note-while I was cleaning the house the other weekend I was watching a special on the blingest birthdays of my super sweet 16 on MTV (don’t judge-had to watch something!) anyway there was a girl named Alison in Atlanta having her birthday and she went to meet with a party planner who turned out to be none other than mr. Dwight (willy wonka) himself! It was for a party at the restaurant Justin-hilarious. Obviously filmed pre-RHOA.

  25. Pest control lady says:

    Great blog! You’ve done it again. How Fakedra can show her face in public is beyond me! I would be mortified!! Unfortunately, she isn’t.

  26. Tracy (w/out an 'E') aka mscarp says:

    Whoa. Did y’all see this? Janet Jackson apparently dressed up as Dwight for Halloween. Who knew she was a fan?!

  27. jezzibel says:

    I just noticed Kim and her dad are almost the same shade of oompa loompa orange

  28. Comanche_Black says:

    I’m a little late to this game but I have to say, this woman kills me. She thinks she is Scarlett O’Hara. I almost guarentee she’ll be pulling down curtains to find something to wear a’la Carol Burnett. As has been stated, any woman that says she is classy, a Southern Belle and the one that really kills me for some reason, a true equestrian, probably isn’t. As my Belle momma has stated, “Classy is what your friends call you behind your back, not what you have to proclaim to anybody.” The same is true for all the other monikers she has claimed. I would love to see her saddle her own horse and muck out a stall. Or shoe a horse. She probably just likes to wear breeches and riding boots. What a fronting freak. I am glad she has education, but it doesn’t mean she has any sense. Her husband is the only saving grace that baby will have. She certainly doesn’t seem equipped to handle a child. She is too vain, selfish and silly to bring up a child.

  29. AngryOldMan says:

    Just a couple quick comments:

    1) I thought this episode was very well edited. The cut the interviews to just snarky reaction shots – kept things moving well. I hope that’s how they’ll edit the rest of the shows.

    2) I think I like Cynthia…..for now. Her pained “noooooooo” reaction to Phaedra’s “last-minute flowers stuck in hair” look was classic. I watched it 10 minutes. If Cynthia keeps up the normalish, down to earth character despite being a gorgeous model, she’s a winner. And more of her sister please.

    3) Anyone else think Bravo is overloading the Real Housewives franchise? Once a week is enough. I used to watch the Watch What Happens trainwreck sometimes to get more. But now, with 2 shows a week and no breaks between runs, I get confused. And I’ve got no anticipation for the next episodes.

  30. Jennifer says:

    I totally expected that Kim’s parents would be full on white trash, straight from the park. To my suprise – 1. They weren’t full on, and 2. were actually still married. But then reality set in and her dad seems to condone her gold-digging relationship with a married man and then the camera caught her mom with ice-cubes in her wine that she diluted with Kool-aid. Ok, so maybe Big Poppa has helped them ‘move on up’ and out of the park too. Her mom probably had a can of spam in her purse for a snack later.

  31. Squirrels says:

    Without a doubt, “Hey check out my Fakedra impression! ” is the best of the set. lmao.

  32. Matt Martin says:

    you continue to crack me up! well written from your point of view xoxo i can respect it!

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