The show opens and Kim is packing for the gay party in Palm Springs.
Kim, insightful as ever, realizes that she owns a lot of black clothing and ponders if that must mean that she’s depressed. I own a lot of red clothes, does that mean I’m angry?
NeNe and her younger son discuss the rumors that Brice is in a gang. NeNe says that Brice couldn’t possibly be a gang member because he’s not strong and girls can beat him up. Don’t worry NeNe, when you join a gang they give you guns, you don’t have to be strong.
I’m sure Brice isn’t in a real gang. I mean, I know it’s hard not to get caught up out there on the mean suburban streets of those gated communities, but I’m sure NeNe raised him better than that.
Although… I did see on HLN that the legal definition of a gang is basically like 3 or more kids doing something illegal together, so yeah, he might actually be a gang member according to Georgia state law.
Sheree and Dwight meet to discuss the $30,000 worth of photocopies he made for her fashion show. Sheree argues that there is no way Dwight has $30,000, because if he did he would have fixed his nose so that he could breathe properly.
Much like with NeNe, the situation was left with nothing actually being resolved.
Dwight better keep his butchered nose nice and far up Phaedra’s ass if he wants to keep his spot on this show.
Kim and her assistant Sweetie arrive in Palm Springs and rent a yellow Lambo. As they drive through the desert they wonder what those big white spinny things are. Do they make snow? Are they big fans cooling down the highway? It’s a mystery.
Kim finally arrives at the hotel where Kandi is waiting for her. A limo pulls up behind Kim’s car carrying her luggage. Kandi says that having a single on iTunes has caused Kim to think she’s Lady Gaga. I don’t think that’s true at all.
Cynthia is agonizing over whether or not she should marry her boyfriend of 3 years. Um, hello?! You have a house together and he is helping you raise your daughter and you’re not sure if you want to marry him?? She’s annoying.
Her boyfriend is pretty annoying too though. You don’t give a woman an ultimatum. You give her a ring, set the date, and send out the invitations. No wonder he’s almost 50 and still not married.
Fakedra explains that Apollo is a white collar criminal which is not as bad as being a blue collar criminal. Similar to Martha Stewart, he was also in one of those cushy, high class federal prisons with a bunch of rich white folks and no shower rape. It’s not like he did real time in a state prison, so he’s practically not even a criminal.
Fakedra doesn’t want her child to grow up to be like his father, so she is going to beat him to make sure he turns out right. Apollo thinks child abuse is probably a bad idea, but she has the money and the pre-nup, so she makes the rules. I will be taking bets in the comments section on how much longer this marriage lasts. 50 bucks says less than 12 months.
Sheree goes to visit a daughter I never knew she had. The visit was pretty uneventful. Sheree exclaimed how small and cramped everything was, then made her daughter promise not to make her a grandmother just yet.
Kim and Kandi partied with the gays in Palm Springs. The men all thought Kim was in drag, she thought the guys were hitting on her because they were straight. It was one big confusing mess when they got back to the hotel room.
The next day Kim goes to dance practice. The choreographer wants to teach her how to dance, but first he had to teach her the basics like covering your vajayjay, and not sitting with your legs spread eagle in a mini skirt. It was a long day.
Kandi wants to know what Kim’s goal is as an artist. Kandi, Kandi, Kandi…. Kim doesn’t want to be an “artist”. She just wants to ride around in limos, be pampered by hair and makeup people, dance around on a stage, and get tons of love and attention from strangers.
Fakedra and Apollo have an older couple from the church over for dinner and some mentoring. What they really need is some serious heavy duty couples counseling, but Fakedra doesn’t like to be told she’s wrong, so she prefers to take advice from people she can intimidate into not arguing with her.
Apollo isn’t happy with his food. Fakedra explains that due to Apollo’s unfortunate upbringing in a white household, he prefers to eat things that come from cans. Cans! Can you believe it?! Crazy ass white folks. Black people don’t do crazy things like eat food out of cans because everyone knows you can’t put fried chicken in a can. (Don’t hate me. She started it.)
Apollo says that his love language is spending time together and getting to know more about each other. Awww. How sweet. Fakedra doesn’t like that. Why the hell would she want his time when she could have presents instead? She even makes the present buying easy for him. He doesn’t have to go through the trouble of actually picking things out for her, all he has to do is call one of her stylists or personal shoppers and they will tell him exactly which pair of $3,000 shoes to buy her. See how nice she is?
I think Fakedra just might be the ultimate villain housewife. She has the “Ain’t I a classy Southern Belle?” attitude of Teresa, the “buy me stuff!!” attitude of Jill Zarin, and the racist attitude of Stacie – only worse. She has the worst qualities of the most awful housewives all rolled into one. Congratulations Fakedra, you managed to make it to the top of the most hated list in a mere 3 episodes. That has to be some kind of record. Even Jill Zarin and Teresa Giudice were liked in their first seasons.