We start with the introductions as usual. Maybe my memory is bad, but I don’t remember any of the other reunion introductions being so freaking boring. Even the set and the couches are boring.
The only thing Stacie was missing was some bifocals and a rocking chair. Michaele’s hair is a hot mess. I suppose she couldn’t find anyone in DC to do her hair on credit and had to do it herself. Plum is not a good color on her either. But at least she looks comfortable.
Andy wants to know who is a democrat and who is a republican and who they all voted for. It’s like he’s purposely trying to make the women appear even more boring than they actually are.
Right away Michaele’s illness is brought up. Lynda says “her initials are MS and the rest is BS.” I wonder how long it took her to come up with that line. But I like the observation about her initials. Michaele thinks that instead of blessing her property, Lynda needs to bless herself within. I like Michaele’s deflection tactics. Every time someone calls bullshit on her it’s because they have a problem and they are full of hate and anger. Andy asked if anyone believes that Michaele has MS… Silence. Hate silence.
Cat admits to slurring her words, but she doesn’t care. Bullocks means balls. Duh. The Harvard grad was surprised to find out what it meant. Um, she was at the winery the day Cat was screaming it… If she didn’t know what it meant, why the hell didn’t she ask? Everything Stacie does annoys me.
Stacie is asked if she thinks Cat is racist. Stacie says she doesn’t understand why Cat keeps calling herself racist or why she wants to own that. Oooo damn, looks like she learned that level 4 manipulation move from Michaele.
Stacie wants to make it clear that she never called Cat a racist. She simply stated the fact that Cat is clearly uncomfortable around black people, believes in segregation, and has white sheets hanging in her closet. But she never used the “r” word. Ever.
Then a viewer called Cat a racist for using the term “colored” and Stacie jumps in and says “Yeah Cat that was bad!” But Stacie would never use the “r” word. She was simply agreeing with the viewer who called her a racist, that’s all. People just love putting words in her mouth for no reason.
Andy asks Mary about her integrated salons comment. Mary is so irrelevant that I forgot she was even there until this moment. She says it was cringe worthy and didn’t try to defend it. I like honesty. Stacie doesn’t have a problem with Mary’s statements because Mary voted for Obama and doesn’t hate Tyra. However, Stacie does have a problem with Mary getting all “jive” when talking to black people. But Mary explains that she’s a mimic, that’s just what she does.
Stacie found her birth father and is going to Nigeria to visit him. He is very excited to meet her and receive the American dollars that she and Jason have already agreed to pay him. The Nigerian marriage scam is not as widely publicized as the lottery scam and Stacie fell for it hook, line, and sinker. She explains that Jason found her father after he crashed the Embassy by sneaking in with the pizza boy. Looks like manipulation isn’t the only thing the Turners have been learning from the Salahi’s.
Next the discussion moves to Erika. Stacie defends her by claiming she is outspoken and quick-witted and that her and Cat have had a little mean girl joke going.
I don’t think Cat was in on the joke.
Lynda calls Erika unstable. I think you all know that I am not a fan of Lynda’s, but I’m really liking her at the reunion. Stacie says that Erika didn’t just go from 0 to 60. Everyone on the other couch says that’s exactly what Erika did.
I think this is just another example of Stacie being a two faced pot stirrer. She clearly doesn’t like Cat, but she didn’t want to be the one to start drama so she invited her friend Erika to do the dirty work. Michaele says that Cat and dish it but she can’t take it. That is true about Cat. But I didn’t see her dish anything to Erika.
Michaele says that Cat makes people cry. Then to prove her point she starts crying. It’s a tear-less cry. An unfortunate side effect of MS.
Michaele then switches from victim to mean girl and says “If you had love in your heart your husband would come back to you” and “At least I’m married Cat, and I have someone who loves me.” Wow. Now that’s the Michaele I want to watch on tv. Fuck love and sunshine. Imagine how much more interesting the winery episode would have been if Michaele had been in bitch mode.
Next Andy wants to talk about Mary’s closet again. Ugh… this woman really has nothing else to talk about??
Actually she does have one other thing to talk about: wine.
Mary totally reads my blog. (Hi Mary!!) She defends the fact that she filled her wine glass all the way up to the rim before stomping out of the winery and claims that she’s not on any drugs. That glazed over half coma she’s always in is just natural.
Lynda has no problem admitting her drug use. She used to be a total pot head until she realized that you can actually go to jail for it. So now she switched to alcohol and my personal favorite little helper: Xanax! I’m starting to forget why I disliked Lynda so much during the show. So far she’s been great on the reunion. She explains that she needs Xanax to balance out her Concerta otherwise she might flip a table. I say someone needs to hide her Xanax and slip an extra Concerta into her wine glass. Combine that with Michaele’s new found mean streak and we just might have a show worth watching on our hands here.
Andy wants to know if Michaele was actually a cheerleader or not. She talks for 5 straight minutes without answering the question. First she kinda admits that she wasn’t really entirely exactly a cheerleader per say, but then she claims that she was on the roster and she has the roster with her name on it as proof. But she couldn’t explain why she didn’t provide the roster to Diane Diamond when she was writing the book. Then she says she was only a part time cheerleader. Then she sorta admits maybe she wasn’t really a cheerleader, but the alumni association told her to say that she was and she was just following orders. She finally finished her ramblings by saying that she definitely had some involvement with the cheerleading association and isn’t sure whether or not that makes her a cheerleader.
One of the viewers wants to know if Michaele ever goes anywhere without her husband and she starts tearless crying again. Um… anyone else think she was laying the foundation for a future “emotional abuse” claim, just incase Tareq ever makes any real money and she has an opportunity to take half?
Andy decides to bring Tareq out and Lynda’s all like “Nooo Indy, no way Indyyyyy. Not unless I can have my 6 foot tall body guard Indyyy.” Oh shut up Lynda! Now I remember why I can’t stand her.
Next week Tareq joins the reunion and all the women bring their husbands out to protect them. Except for Cat. She’s all alone because she has no love in her heart.