The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – Pay Attention Bravo Housewives: This Is How It’s Done

Woo Hoo Beverly Hills is finally here!

Fuck fruit. These bitches hold diamonds.


It may look like I have it all, but I want more [plastic surgery.]

In Beverly Hills it’s who you know. And I know everyone [except a decent plastic surgeon.]

Money is what I have, not who I am. [But I AM money. Google me bitches.]

I was a child star, but now my most important roll is being a mother [because it’s the only roll I can get.]

In a town full of phonies I’m not afraid to be me [or a Demi Moore look-a-like. Whatever.]

It’s time for me to come out of my husbands shadow and shine [because if I were to remain in his shadow now that we’ve broken up it would technically be stalking.]

I love how none of them have any family in their backgrounds. I guess they didn’t want to share the spotlight. 

Lisa is British and only has sex with her husband on Christmas and his birthday. Since he’s still around, I’m guessing they have an open marriage? Lisa loves her fluffy little dog.

Her husband also has two fluffy little dogs. Picachu and Lollypop. I love it!

Lisa is a sugar mamma to a much younger man who lives in her basement. He is on call 24/7 except for Christmas and her husband’s birthday.

Adrienne lives across the street from Lisa. She is part owner of The Maloof Companies which is a family business that owns all kinds of cool things like basketball teams and casinos.  I’m still not sure if she actually works for a living or if she “owns” these businesses the way Jill “owns” Zarin fabrics. She says that her and her husband keep all work related things separate (as though she has any choice in the matter). I’m sure her father had an iron clad pre-nup drawn up before the wedding as well.

Adrienne met president Obama and her husband Paul could have gone with her but chose not to because as a republican, he is not a fan.
In related news, Stacie had to be rushed to a DC hospital Thursday evening after going into an extreme state of shock.

Adrienne is friends with Taylor who’s face appears to be melting. Taylor says that ever since she was small she’s had a feeling that “there was something really big for her in her life”. Apparently that big thing turned out to be her lips. We need to find out who did that to her face so we can warn other women. Someone should really create a facebook page or something. I’m just waiting for her lips to leak down her chin and drop onto the floor.

Omg! It was Adrienne’s husband who did that to her! Oh no…. Good thing Adrienne is loaded so they’ll still get to keep their amazing home once he loses his license to practice medicine.

WTF!!!

Taylor says that she has to get tons of plastic surgery to keep her husband from leaving her for a 20 year old. She also makes and saves her own money just in case he isn’t impressed by the plastic surgery and leaves her for a 20 year old anyway. Taylor doesn’t need a surgeon, she needs a therapist. And I don’t like Russell.

Camille Grammer has been borrowing Mary’s happy pills. She half slurs, half mumbles, and lets her sentences trail off. But luckily all that plastic surgery keeps her eyes wide open so she never gets that dopey look that Mary always has.

Camille claims to be a dancer. But I don’t know what the hell she was doing in this video… maybe that’s how people danced in the 80’s?

When Kelsey came on the screen the woman who was recording the show started yelling to her husband to come in the room because the man from the show he used to watch is on. Lol. Shout out to Amy!

Kim clings to her “child star” days for dear life. How many times do you think her friends and family have had to listen to her talk about being a child star? She says she gracefully walked away from fame to become a mother. But judging by the fact that she is on this show and obsessing over her childhood in front of the camera, I think it’s safe to say that she has been trying to claw her way back into the spotlight ever since the moment she left it. Personally, I’ve never heard of Kim or Witch Mountain.

She says that her mom gave her amazing advice; “Don’t make your whole life about your kids”. Seems reasonable to me. But Kim chose to ignore that advice and follow in her mothers footsteps by making her life all about her kids. I guess it’s ok to do that when they’re young. But her kids are all grown up now.

Kim then tells some totally bullshit story about how she once went out to eat with her niece Paris and all the paparazzi were calling her name and calling her an icon and they told Paris that her aunt was an icon long before she was. And she had to tell Paris “that’s right, I’m the original icon“.
Um…. Aren’t paparazzi mostly young guys in their 20’s? I don’t think the average paparazzo is old enough to know who Kim is. Her scenes are uncomfortable to watch and I feel embarrassed for her.

Kyle is Kim’s younger sister, but acts more like her mother. Kim tells Kyle that she might want to have another baby. Kyle asks “Don’t you need a husband first?” I don’t know… I’m thinking you might need a time machine first.

Kyle was a child actress too, but she doesn’t seem as hung up on it as Kim is. She says she works in between having children, and every time someone pisses her off in the business she just goes and has another child. Um…. ok, that was a weird thing to say. But over all I like Kyle.

Kyle’s husband is a big time Dr. Phil fan and says that he lives by the philosophy that he’d rather be happy than be right. During dinner they make a deal that for every hour he gets to play of golf, she gets to spend a thousand dollars. So basically Kyle is always right and she gets paid if her husband plays golf. I think this may be the world’s best husband right here:

Now that all the women have had their introductions, Adrienne plans a little get together so everyone can get to know each other.
They’re just going to watch some sports, nothing fancy.
So they all hop on a private jet stocked with champagne in crystal glasses to go sit court side and watch the Kings play the Lakers in Sacramento.

After the plane ride they go for dinner. They make fun of Lisa because her dogs feet never touch the ground. Kyle does a good English accent which Lisa swears sounds nothing like her. Kyle and Lisa are pretty funny together. Camille is funny in a “laughing at you, not with you” sort of way. Adrienne is cool and seems pretty grounded despite growing up with so much freaking money. Taylor tries waaaay too hard. She seems like the type that would let the other women torture her just to be allowed to sit at the popular table. I like this group of women, they are all a lot of fun. Except for Kim.

She can go play with Kelly in the Hamptons for all I care.

The women had a good time at the game. They danced…

and cheered for the other team…

Kim acted like an anti-social weirdo. I’ve had friends like Kim, and while I was watching this scene I just knew she was going to fight with Kyle later about not sitting next to her at the game.

And what do you know: Kim is upset that Kyle didn’t sit next to her during the game.
If Kim says “child actress” one more time I’m gonna make a mean photoshop of her.

That’s it for this week. I think this show is great, but they could really do without Kim and her constant whining. The previews for the rest of the season look really good too. Unlike the other franchises that always start slow, this one was good in the first 5 minutes. I think they can survive without a ton of drama because even when nothing is happening it’s fun to gawk at their amazing homes, private planes, and Taylors face. What did you guys think? Do you love this show? Are you as annoyed by Kim as I am?

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169 Responses to The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – Pay Attention Bravo Housewives: This Is How It’s Done

  1. Lina says:

    Sorry but I really could not watch past the first scene… it’s on my DVR and I still won’t watch it. Watching Taylor’s lips spread from one side of her cheek to the other was totally distracting and a BIG turn off. What a bunch of plastic this group is. I have a feeling that every single one of these ladies has had plastic surgery. They should be the faces of “why you should not get plastic surgery” campaign. Enough said… I will not be watching this show.

    • Sardonica says:

      Lina…This is why you watch the series. The freakshow element is an integral part of the entertainment. I hope you throw back a few glasses of wine and give it another try. The first time one shoots up heroin they vomit. Next time they are hooked!

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  3. Need a Hobby says:

    Wow, you made another batch. Cool. 😀

    Holy shite! I haven’t seen the show yet but a couple of the pics you posted are downright scary. The woman with the scary face had the plastic surgery done by Adrienne’s husband?? And they’re on a TV show, admitting it?? Do they think that’s like good advertising??? Are they nuts?

    She thinks looking like that is how to keep her husband? Maybe if he’s like a major horror film fanatic. Or visually impaired. Or already has a 20 yr old or more on the side. (My bet.) I’ve seen corpses that look more “lifelike.”

    Wowsa.

    • WindyCityWondering says:

      Taylor is scary looking – she looks like Skeletor (sorry he is my favorite cartoon creepy guy) more of a skull than a face. Her lips look like two slugs. Her cheeks look like she has lincoln logs implants. And those injections were supposed to do what??? And who’s husband invests $10 million in another woman’s business? IMO, he has already found her replacement!

      • tuzentswurth says:

        That is a great recap of Taylor’s face! Do these woman (sorry, couldn’t resist) look in a mirror and actually think that they have improved themselves? My God, she’s still relatively young but looks like a freak! You couldn’t tell an age difference between Taylor and Joan Rivers, and Joan is in her 70’s. What is she thinking!?!?!??

      • bubbles says:

        I had trouble watching Taylor getting those injections. What is going on when women think that mutilating their faces makes them beautiful? She looks like a freak. I agree that Taylor needs a therapist.

      • glued2it says:

        yes, the cheeks! I had to say something about them almost immediately before getting to these comments. So GLAD I’m not the only one who is bothered by those CHeeKS.

  4. Shari says:

    WTH is that on Taylor’s temple?

    • Need a Hobby says:

      Either an unborn cojoined twin or an injection site from a procedure. I’m thinking it’s the latter.

    • Lol. I don’t know. He injected her with something and that’s what happened! She wanted a temple revision or something….

      • Eve says:

        Your wrap ups are the highlight of my week.

        They are all so deliciously revolting, frankly almost too revolting, Taylor is almost impossible to watch.

        Could you research those lips and let us know what went wrong? Does Taylor understand how ugly she looks?

    • boston02127 says:

      Her brain leaking out.

    • Sardonica says:

      See? More fodder for the sci-fi version you are going to work on. Think of the movie Alien. Teresa pops out at some point. Work on those Photoshop skills. Tuz, notice my postive attitude in forcing RCH to do my bidding per sci-fi blog entry? I am crossing my fingers and casting a fumbala spell over the Pinot Grigio bottles right now

      • tuzentswurth says:

        OMG, Sardonica you’ve gone to the dark side. Mickey might be the one to do a photoshop of T popping out of the side of Taylor’s head! Poor RCH, with all these shows going at once I hope she doesn’t have a breakdown and stop cookin up the crack to feed our pathetic addictions.

        • Yes, photoshops are low on the priority list at the moment. Maybe Mickey can do it? Photo re caps are so freaking time consuming and I need to do 3 this week. Why can’t I have a smart computer that comprehends my comments and finds the appropriate screen shot for me? Like, seriously, it’s 2010, I feel like I’m living in the dark ages. I’m thinking of hiring a personal assistant to grab the screen shots after I write the recap. Would that be crazy? To hire an assistant for my blog? I think these Housewives are a negative influence. I’m actually reasoning with myself saying “well Kim has an assistant to answer her cell phone and pour her wine, so why can’t I have one too?” I mean, that makes sense, right? If Kim Z has a personal assistant, surely I should have one as well. It’s only logical.
          I actually went so far as to browse the online resumes.
          That’s where I learned that personal assistants advertise services such as doing every-single-fucking-thing for you so you don’t even have to get out of bed. Now all I need to do is convince Mr. RCH that I actually need an assistant for an actual realistic reason that doesn’t make him burst out laughing.

          Any ideas?

  5. Tracy says:

    I’m with you, Kim is extremely annoying and if you saw her on Watch What Happens she makes me think she’s on something because she was slurring her words! All in all I loved it! You are completely right, these women show the other franchises how it should be done! You were SOOO on point about them holding diamonds and how their families are not highlighted in the background. Make no mistake, it’s all about them! Can’t wait to see what happens.

    P.S. Another great recap!

    • Sangfroid says:

      I don’t know, to me, Kim seems terrified, as if she might have agoraphobia and is being forced to leave the comfort and security of her home. Her children appear to be a replacement for the friends and social life she did not have as a child. Perhaps she even uses them as a shield, an excuse not to go out and fend for herself.
      She is brimming with social anxiety and should not have agreed to do this show. It will do her more harm than good.
      Kyle also seems to have a strange relationship to having children. She does it whenever she is rejected by Hollywood? So is she replacing the movie industries rejection with the unconditional love of an infant?

      • Sardonica says:

        Yes, I am sure the way to overcome agoraphobia is to sign on a reality show. Good for Kim. Face your fears for dollars and fame. Healthy.
        Isn’t it normal to pop out child when stressed? Look at the old woman in the show… I think her house was a Manolo?

        • Sardonica says:

          shoe, not show..I am soooooo neurotic, help me Sangfroid
          On another note. I am avoiding other typoing / grammar / issues 😉

          • Sangfroid says:

            But you are oh so fabulous Sardonica!
            I know the typos and grammar issues are so I won’t feel so very alone in my awkward articulations. It’s a lovely trailer park what with the old lady living in the Manolo right next to the double wide with the wino and ever present holiday decor. I just wish her children wouldn’t pelt me with shoes as I stumble in from a botox and pinot party.

            • Sardonica says:

              Sangfroid… I am having a Botox Tupperware party in my trailer park next week. Why only preserve the leftover food ?
              Tracy…I LOVE when any of the housewives slur. They are my role models. The rain in ssspainth fallths mainthly in the plainths.

  6. karenne says:

    they are entertaining….in a new kind of way.

    I’ve had botox and injections and I never got HUGE LUMPS like that….but then again, did you see how her forehead looked later? it does NOT MOVE. But the lips….ewwww
    time to get those removed!!!! if Lisa Rinna can do it….and admit how gross it was..then get those suckers removed!

    I feel sorry for Kim. She is in PAIN. From what? who knows? but I bet we will find out.
    her sister kyle…not nice telling “all of us” that as her mom laying dying…she requested the little sister watch out for the older sister.
    maybe….Kim has medical issues, like serotonin problems?

    I hate how Andy kissed their ass’s and did you notice though, how every time a certain housewife made an ass of herself….he didnt pounce on her…he was nice and smiled…
    and then moved on.
    so nice, but to the rest of them….Andy seemed like the help.

    OH…but sweet relief after those awful DC women……each and every one of them.
    fake, but ugly
    I like fake women, to look like the ones in Beverly Hills…dont you?

  7. Waxdiva says:

    Poor Taylor “Blowfish” Armstrong! Her husband, Russell Armstrong, filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy back in October of ’05, this according to docs filed in U.S. Bankruptcy Court. The problem was simple … Armstrong, an investor, said he had less than $50,000 in assets and debt somewhere between 1 and 10 million bucks. More to read:

    http://deathby1000papercuts.com/2010/10/real-housewives-of-beverly-hills-taylor-armstrongs-hubby-filed-chapter-seven-in-05/

    • MickeyMouth says:

      I read that the other day and thought here we go another Bravo housewife in financial trouble. On the bright side, if Russell is broke maybe Taylor can stop worrying about the 20 year olds.

      • Waxdiva says:

        IMO, she’s headed for divorce now. Her husband didn’t seem that interested in her and a woman’s intuition is usually right. He won’t go for a younger wife, but a richer one. What struck me was her home tour video. Not once did she mention her husband (just like Dina); she and her daughter snuggle in bed, play together…

        • MickeyMouth says:

          Her face says it all. That is not a happy woman.

          • Sardonica says:

            Her face says it all. Lawsuit!

            I have to get outta here. Always runnign late when I check into this nutty little fruitcake bakery. I feel like a serial hit and run poster. Not enough time for this cat to bat about the BH little mousies

    • RHofWhatever says:

      Blowfish – LMAO! Good one ! 🙂

    • I think it’s a really bad sign when a husband can’t act interested in his wife on camera. The “little company” comment was a dig. I know that even if my husband and I were in the middle of a huge fight, even if we had just been screaming at each other 5 minutes earlier, if we had to go on camera he would act loving and nice and not put our problems out there for the world to see.
      If you are sick of your wife, fine, but don’t disrespect the mother of your children on national television. Guys like him, Tamra’s husband, Jeanna’s husband, Cat’s husband, and Joe really bother me.
      I don’t care how mad you are at your spouse, there are certain thing that you just shouldn’t do or say in public – and especially not on camera.
      I think that’s one thing that prevents me from totally hating Tareq and Jason. I’m not crazy about them as people, but it’s clear that they both really love their wives. I actually dislike Stacie and Jason even more than Tareq and Michaele. But I love the relationship they have with each other.

      • Amber...Real Wife says:

        RCH says “I don’t care how mad you are at your spouse, there are certain thing that you just shouldn’t do or say in public – and especially not on camera.”

        You are preaching to the choir sister! LOL Husbands have to know that to disrespect their wives on camera is the worst crime ever! Even if there was a fight two seconds ago, they better make nice, smile and pose for that picture, as if their lives may depend on it! 🙂

    • Squirrels says:

      Aha. So that’s what happened to that (cough, sputter) major investment in some woman’s company?

  8. captaincarebear says:

    My husband watched. His words were, “Why are you so addicted to this garbage?” It’s like a train wreck, I can’t turn away. He couldn’t believe these women were my age. Over and over and over he kept saying “ewww” whenever there was a close-up of their faces and “why are they so contorted?” I guess they live in that world for so long they don’t even realize how strange they look. It seems normal to them. All that money and yet all those insecurities. Kinda sad. But I’ll still watch. Love a good train wreck. And yes I agree with your hilarious as usual posts.

    • boxergirl says:

      Captaincarebear….Just what my husband said, but he didn’t use the word garbage!! He always says to me when I am watching one these shows jokingly “don’t you have any pride-only morons watch these shows”and I said I love being a moron! Kidding aside, these shows really are pure entertainment and RCH is such a hoot along with all the replies which is more entertaining than the actual shows.

      • tuzentswurth says:

        You just tell hubs there that, No, we don’t have any pride and we are very proud of that, there are loads of us and we have a very happy little moron enclave here. Just don’t tell him this is reality crack and we are hopelessly addicted.

  9. RHofWhatever says:

    I watched and was waiting to see what you had to say about this group, because EVERY scene had somekind of WTH/OMG moment to walk away from. It was like the Matrix – you could watch it over and over and find more hidden meaning and gems to walk away with. My Moments:
    WTH & OMG – Taylors lips
    WTH – Kim (more Who the Hell?) and her selfish, childish, ridiculious snivelling about being this unknown actress hiding behind the badge of honor of obsessively raising her kids. this one has REAL issues with livign in the REAL world. I go on record with not liking Kim.
    OMG – Lisa’s husband is straight and he has TWO little moppets named LOLLIPOP & PICACHO!
    WTH – Kyle’s narcissistic (they all are, but her’s is the coy “no I’m not” but then bitch slaps you when you least expect it) moments of having another kid when she doesn’t get her way in the Biz, or cheering for the other team so in your face while sitting courtside w. the owner of the hometeam!?
    OMG – Kyle’s husband…hotty with brains to match! YUM!
    WTH – Camille – Her serogate comment on the plane. It was easier to have someone else go through it all…I thought she couldn’t get preggo, and that’s why they had the kids this way…Please don’t let her be THIS vain. Also, the comment about being a hands-on mom with FOUR nannies to GROWN children!
    WTH – Taylors husband and the dynamics they have, the self-depreciating comments about it, the struggle to retain the bottle of youth for HIM! When they were eating together and in voice over she said she had a startup company, then she asks him about a $10 MILLION investment into another “little” (I hate him) company. You know she was wondering why he couldn’t invest more in hers. Seems like she was the typical seen not heard trophy wife that is getting her ass dumped as soon as the finances will work out in his favor….and she knows it.
    Adrienne – Love this business bitch!! 🙂
    There were SO MANY more like I said….I am going to LOVE this group!!!

  10. Snappy says:

    Some crazy biotches for sure! Lots of drama and even if there isn’t any they are mesmerizing to watch just because of all the weird shit they’ve done to their faces. I’m in on this one 😉

    • I could really stare at Taylors face all day. I’m so in aw. It’s like seeing an alien species for the first time.
      None of the other women look nearly as bad. BUT… I saw a few of them on Joy Behar yesterday, and Camille and Kyle did not look nearly as good under the studio lights as they did on the show.

      • AngryOldMan says:

        I watch on DVR but what should have taken 40 minutes (fast forwarding through commercials) took almost 90 minutes because I was mesmerized by Taylor’s face. I paused and stared every time she came on. I can’t figure out if she used to be man or likes to doctor-hop.

  11. Amber...Real Wife says:

    I found all of the women entertaining. Especially Lisa and Adrienne. It was great to see a “Brit” with dry humor, who wasn’t rude or obnoxious. LISA was very lovely, funny and snarky when necessary, but all in all a pleasure to watch. Unlike the ugly cow/sow known as Cat OMamess. ADRIENNE was a powerhouse, in business and in self-defense. I guess no one will ever attack her on RodeoDr. and get away with it. If TSalami threw a drink on her, he’d be wearing his balls for earrings! I love it! This is one lady who will not be pushed around.

    CAMILLE, well she really married up. “If you got it…flaunt it!”. And she does. TAYLOR, needs to drop that hubby and get some passion in her life. To live in fear, be it real or imagined will definitely make her sick. If she fears he’ll leave her, WHY a 20yr old. Is this a past fling of his? The age difference would be jarring as he seems to be in his late 4os, not unheard of, but a little shocking. Why so age specific?

    KIM is sad and lonely. Also a bit delusional. A kid at her age and no man in sight. What does she have Rent-A-Sperm on speed dial or something? She also is the most normal (WHAAAT?) looking of the bunch. By that I mean she’s got lines, wrinkles and creases all over. You can see her worry and look sad. She CAN make expressions which i’m sure we’ll see alot of. KYLE seems to be the queen bitch. She is the hub that connects all of these women. Not the richest one, but certainly the most talkative and outgoing one. She runs her sister’s life, much to Kim’s chagrin and delight. She’s taken the mother role in Kim’s life. And, from the look of future clips, will spank her like her child. YIKES.

  12. Waxdiva says:

    McHale’s mother expresses her opinion re the other RHODC. She’s as delusional as McHale:

    http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/10/exclusive-gatecrasher-michaele-salahis-mom-calls-other-dc-housewives-bullies

    • tuzentswurth says:

      Good grief, Michaele’s teeth (again). It is like she stuck two big white chiclets on her front teeth. They are really bad crowns that don’t fit nor match the color of her other teeth. Look in the mirror Michaele!

  13. SavingGrace says:

    Kim is the new Kelly. The woman has more issues than Playboy magazine.

    Speaking of Playboy, I think I remember Cammie was a Playboy Model. Which means Hefner did not like her Playmate Photo Shoot and rejected her for centerfold but her pics made into the Girls of Summer or whatever Newstand Edition they deemed she fit. Does anyone know her maiden name?

    I cant feel bad for some that had a surrogate to birth her own children so she wouldnt “ruin’ her figure. The other women are as rich or richer and they birthed their own children. The four rotating nannies are too much. Not a fan.

    Oh Taylor, I think she will interesting to watch. So priviledged, so insecure.

    Love how RCH injected Stacie from RHODC into the recap — too funny!

    • Waxdiva says:

      Camille Donatacci.

    • tuzentswurth says:

      I read somewhere too that she was in Playboy. If she keeps up with the pole dancing, I’m gonna puke. She claims she is or was a dancer (on MTV). There is a difference between a professional dancer and an MTV pole dancer wannabe. Plus, she’s older now and has two kids (I mean somebody else had and has 2 kids). Quit the creepy dancing already, it’s Danielle like.

  14. KellitaM says:

    Great and funny recap!

    I feel a little sorry for Kim. I grew up watching her in the Disney movies and loved her. She seems lost and lonely, now, and overshadowed by her more outgoing, vivacious little sis who seems to have a good marriage. I take it Kim was close to her mom, and may be still grieving her death. I can’t quite figure her out and look forward to seeing how her life plays out in this series.

    Camille, with the 4 nannies for 2 kids, I didn’t so much like. She has to ask her nanny how her little sick boy is doing? She can’t go check on him herself? What was that??

    • It bothered me too when she asked the nannie how her son was doing. You shouldn’t have to ask someone else if your son is feeling better. Wasn’t he upstairs? She couldn’t just go check?
      Also, those girls seemed young. I don’t think any of them are educated in child care or psychology or anything like that. What qualifies them to be a nannie? I never understand mothers that hire young untrained women who have never had their own children as nannies. I have a girlfriend who does that. She’s had issues with them stealing from her or hitting her child. She just fires them and hires another young inexperienced girl… I don’t get it.
      Why couldn’t Camile just couldn’t find one full time nanny/housekeeper like Rosie from NY. All her nannies look like they probably want to be actresses and are only putting up with that job because they think knowing people like the Grammers with help them in their careers.

      • debbie says:

        RCH
        Perfect recap…I may show this one to my husband (who claims he never watches..yet he knows who everyone is).
        I think I’ll enjoy these HW’s. Like you Kyle is my favorite. There’s one little thing ..I think your description of Golfing for Dollars was backwards. For every thousand dollars Kyle spends, hubby gets to play an hour of golf.. Might work out better for her:-).
        Also, I think on WWHL, Camille was asked about the Nannies and what they were paid.. Each Nanny gets 50-75k a year. Not bad for a young girl. Way to keep the BH economy rocking (on a small scale) and not just the cradles..

    • kelsey grammer said on one of the news shows years ago that Camille was physically incapable of carrying a pregnancy to term.
      I read on another site someone said it was IBS-(irritable bowel syndrome)
      i have never heard of such athing. anyway, that’s my 2 cents.

    • Sardonica says:

      Yea, I also feel sorry for Kim. She seems fragile and was a child star. I remember her in Witch Mountain. It seems to me Bravo is making her ‘the crazy’ this go round. Not that she isn’t crazy but she seems to be easy pickins and so far she hasn’t had the Kelly effect on me… once again…so far

      • bubbles says:

        I thought the same thing. Kim will be the outcast. Hopefully her sister won’t join in. I grew up watching Kim in the 70s on Nanny and the Professor and Escape from Witch Mountain.

  15. Sarah310 says:

    Hate to sound snobby but the homes are hideously decorated. I’m borderline obsessed with interior design and a large faux floral arrangement doesn’t cut it. If you are talking about the Maloofs, this woman is the real deal. She works and constantly self promotes, the brother was on entourage last year, they constantly self promote and they work HARD. She puts all the housewives who sit on their asses all day long and never work to shame.
    Are talking about some truly impressive BH women? NO. The thing about BH which I wish they had show there are some truly impressive women who live here who had lived amazing lives, did they pick those? Just the Maloof gal.
    If you are comparing to other housewives, it’s Maloof, Jill Zarin and Kelly who had LEGIT real estate. I know everyone here hates Kelly but she has some major real estate under her belt. Jill Zarin is strangely loaded as well, she flies private all over the world.
    This show doesn’t impress me, I think they all need makeovers, their extensions and face lifts and horrible clothes are so dated and tacky. That’s not the LA I see on a daily basis.
    Anyway call me a hater but there are some true big guns they could have cast on the show, but they didn’t get them.
    Kamille or however you spell it is a lost woman. She didn’t give birth to her own children nor does she raise them. Oh well to each her own.
    The Kim gal is sad, I hope she finds her way.
    Funny enough, the older lady with the dog looks like my grandma, seriously. So shout out to her.

    • I liked Kyle’s house. Pretty simple, not a lot of “stuff” everywhere. That’s more my style than the other houses.
      Lisa’s home is not my style at all, but I think it fits with her personality.
      I didn’t watch the home tours online, and we didn’t get to see Taylor or Adrienne’s house on the show.
      We didn’t get to see a lot of Camille’s house either, but the outside looks gorgeous and I loved the brick wall and the copper pots in the kitchen.

    • Miss Anthrope says:

      I think there’s really only a few housewives PERIOD who have a hefty sum of disposable income. Maloof certainly qualifies, but how much of that family empire belongs to her? Does anyone know?

      99.9% of the OC cast is broke as all hell. Atlanta and New Jersey are a joke in regards to finances. Caroline probably has the most money out of any of the NJ chicks and I would not exactly call her “loaded”. The DC ladies didn’t even really try to sell themselves as being deliriously wealthy, with the exception of maybe Michaele. I wonder what the financial criteria is for being a RHW. 11 mil in debt is clearly acceptable, so long as you behave as if you’re a Rockefeller?

    • mscarp says:

      Maybe, but didn’t the Zarins sell their house in the Hamptons? Oh, she spun it like they were trying to stay ahead of the tanking economy, but “knowing” her I remain skeptical.

  16. Distressed says:

    Fantastic recap, you had me at “fuck fruit” and it only got better from there. Looking forward to this crew, especially your recaps.

    I think Taylor and Kim are running for most pathetic HW ever. Clearly Kim is off to an early lead with that story about Paris, but Taylor is a very close second. The face says it all. I do admire her honesty though. It must be hard to admit to millions of people that you married a man for his money shortly before he filed bankruptcy who will more than likely dump you for a more attractive younger woman by the time the show finishes, the actual show you’re watching I mean and not the run of the series.

    I didn’t really have a huge problem with the others including Camille, Taylor and Kim just really stood out as totally pathetic. And that’s even with Camille being so vain she had two surrogates carry two kids who have then been raised by four nannies their whole lives.

    Oh and Taylor moved to Beverly Hills seven years ago. She’s from Oklahoma. Her background is in “sales,” never could have guessed.

    http://www.wetpaint.com/real-housewives-of-beverly-hills/cast/taylor-armstrong

    • Miss Anthrope says:

      I was kind of saddened by Taylors anticipation of her husband leaving her for a younger, prettier woman. Not just because she obviously married for money, but because she must be so deeply insecure that that is okay with her. That’s no way to live and it has got to be pretty lonely deep down.

      But hey, I’m still gonna snark on her “til your cooch falls off”.

  17. bacasam says:

    I have been struggling on this one, jury still out for me -like/dislike. But thanks for the recap, it has helped me sort out somewhat. Of course, all those plastic faces. As one who is older and have been wanting to get enough $ together to turn back the hand of time, it definitely makes me think, Yikes, maybe not.
    Camille bothers, bothers, bothers me. It is so infuriating to have someone so vain about pregancy (one of the greatest gifts in life is giving birth) and then afterwards no motherly instincts for individual caring for these gifts. In my opinion, she is quite close to the child abuse scale, emotional depreviation of those 2 babes. So, I’ll keep on and we’ll see.

    • Sarah310 says:

      She really bothers me too. I am not a mother but I fail to see the point in having children if you don’t want to give birth and you don’t want to raise them!!!! I had a nanny growing up only because my parents are physicians but I had ONE. It’s laughable a woman with no job needs 4 nannies. That kind of stuff rubs me the wrong way.

      • Daisy says:

        I agree. This was the saddest thing I have ever heard. As a mother of two girls, the way she talks about mothering breaks my heart. I don’t like her at all.

        I imagine Mother’s Day is incredibly difficult for her ‘children’.

        • tuzentswurth says:

          I don’t understand why Mother’s Day should be difficult for the children. They are perfectly capable of finding one of the four nannies and having said nanny convey their wishes for a lovely day to mummy. What’s the prob?

    • Miss Anthrope says:

      I think women should always make their own choices in regards to pregnancy (breastfeeding, abortion, etc) but I can’t help but agree with you to an extent. When she said she used a surrogate in that totally uppity way, I almost fuckin barfed. Why even have children? I know several women who were seriously uncomfortable and sick throughout their pregnancies but I still highly doubt they would forgo that experience if given the opportunity to do it over again with a surrogate. That sort of medical technology was not made available so that vain assholes like Camille Grammer could continue to fit into a size 0 dress. Why would you want to see another woman carry your child unless you had absolutely no other option? It’s so weird that I can barely wrap my head around it.

      On top of that, she’s got 4 fucking nannies for 2 kids?! This chick wants no part of being a mother. And granted, I get that. I choose not to have children either. But I’m not out there injecting my eggs into someone elses womb just to ensure that I get a big chunk of that Frasier Crane pie when the inevitable divorce hits.

    • WindyCityWondering says:

      Read on another blog that Camille was advised not to get pregnant because of a pre existing condition. I can understand that. But I can’t understand four nannies (who look to young to be anything other than a babysitter) – even in rotation! Maybe it was because of Kelsey demanding that she be at his beck and call?? What a sad childhood when your mother can’t be bothered to check on her sick son….

      • mscarp says:

        I honestly think that Camille only had the children as a means of getting more money from Grammer when their inevitable divorce occurred. She is clearly vain to the point of using a surrogate to carry the children so as to maintain her figure, prevent stretch marks, etc. Then once they are born, she remains emotionally detached from them. I mean saying in one breath that she is still a good mother and cares about her children, then asking the nanny and daughter how the son was feeling after having been sick!! WTF?! Really, Seth? Now whether this is a result of her own lack of motherly instincts or the fact that having 4 nannies to care for your children leaves little time for you yourself to bond with them , I have no idea. All I know is I found her to be incredibly shallow and unappealing. Having said that, she is my newest “love to hate” housewife!

        • Miss Anthrope says:

          Very well said. I don’t know what “pre existing condition” she could have had. I mean, the lady puts it right out there that she’s got IBS, so I can’t imagine she’d keep a SERIOUS and probably less embarrassing condition a secret. And just look at her….is there really any doubt that she’s a gold digger?

        • tuzentswurth says:

          Camille’s definition of being a bad mother would be NOT asking how her sick son was. She thought she was showing what a wonderful caring mom she is…….warmed my heart. This one is a looney for sure.

  18. boston02127 says:

    Kim seems so meek that I almost afraid to pick on her. (almost) I can’t stand Taylor already. She’s too insecure and those lips of hers are horrifying. There so big she can probably whisper in her own ear.

  19. Tracy says:

    I agree with the poster who said that even if you dislike Jason and Tareq you admire the love they have for their wives.

    ’nuff said.

    • WindyCityWondering says:

      Is it really love or is it the siren call of camera time? Both delight on being the center of the scene! While I thought Alex lent some fun to RHONY, neither of these DC hubbies add any interest for me. And isn’t it supposed to be housewives not househubbies?!

  20. Tracy says:

    Oops sorry! The “poster” that made the astute comment was the moderator of the site!

    P.S. Your commentary was on point. Brava.

  21. tuzentswurth says:

    A delightful recap, thank you for the great entertainment RCH. You had me, too at “fuck fruit”.
    Now, my tuzentswurth:
    LISA- like her, loads of money but smart and down to earth. Nice hubs and darling dogs.
    ADRIENNE- like her, loads of money, a hard worker, smart, tough, down to earth. Andy will continue to grovel to these ladies b/c this one alone could make him disappear and never have a career again. You can see the difference in being raised well in a wealthy family (and having a brain) in Lisa and Andrienne, confident and secure.
    TAYLOR- (Shana?) Sad, insecure, broke-ass poser with a “management consulting firm”, code for…..broke-ass poser. Face is bizarre, that alone could make her hubs run away but no loss b/c he is a jerk, so win-win.
    CAMILLE- small-time gal who thought she hit it big, loved to flaunt it, star power hubs that pays people to bear and raise your offspring, but oh honey, easy come, easy go. Did you really think you would be the one he’d stay with forever? Not likely, how’d it work out for you?
    KYLE- I think Amber…Real Wife got it right above, queen bitch, kind of nice but needs to feel elevated “above” others. Condescending to her sis.
    KIM- Flat out drug and/or alcohol problem. Own it, get help. You’re not doing your kids any favors nor being a great mom. I know she loves her kids so she needs to get help. She is going to be the KKB, or as RCH predicted in her “New Crack to Feed Your Addiction” blog,…. the fugazi. Watch out for this poor lady to go off the rails….reality TV, not a good place for her mental health. Detox now!

    • tuzentswurth says:

      Side note, since I’ve been surfing…..it has probably worked out well for Camille. Apparently there was no pre-nup, so hiring someone to have a couple of offspring for you was a well thought out move. Kudos, I’ll give her credit for brains, scheming and pre-planning. Taylor, take note.

      • Miss Anthrope says:

        Agreed. It was certainly Kelsey who got screwed in the end of that marriage. Not that I’m surprised. He’s got “sucker for a young ex porn star” written all over him.

        It really doesn’t take a genius to see what women like Camille see in men like Kelsey Grammer. There would be no Camille and Kelsey if it hadn’t been for the hit sitcom paycheck.

    • mscarp says:

      I am (impatiently) waiting for my Oklahoman spies to email me the before pics of Taylor/Shana, however I don’t think they are quite grasping the important nature of the intel they possess. It’s true there are 2 pics of her on the bravotv site from her high school days, but I am hopeful to see more. I am also trying to get to the bottom of the name change, which in truth could be just that she thought Shana sounded too much like a porn star/stripper name and decided to go by her middle name? Yes, could be, but I prefer to think she was trying to conceal her true previous identity where she was actually pretty with a normal mouth, forehead, and temple. I feel she knows the facade is crumbling; her desperation is palpable.

  22. crazysweet says:

    hey guess what I’m watching on TMC right now? return from witch mountain! lolol
    (for real…no sarcasm) 🙂
    so honestly all these ladies are pill poppers and head cases….especially Kamille and Kim. Kim’s on a lot of stuff. I had a friend exactly like that and she basically took anything she could to numb and forget her life but still function. lived in the past and pretended she was relevant.
    every dog has his day and we’ll watch all this unfold. But I do agree that THIS is what Bravo had in mind when they began this series in OC way back when.
    money-drama-backstabbing-spending-extravagance-plastic surgery-bubble
    the only thing that’s real is the threat that each of them live with a younger hotter version of themselves taking their place.
    maloof-doesn’t matter she came with the goods she’ll replace nassif in a NY minute!
    lisa-doesn’t matter she’s already got a younger hotter version of her husband living with her and guaranteed no pre-nup.
    kyle-matters a great deal but as long as she keeps popping out those babies she’ll hold the reigns tight.
    kamille-not only does it matter it’s manifested!! oops.
    taylor-MATTERS MATTERS MATTERS MATTERS AND i’M TOTALLY FUCKED WHEN IT HAPPENS!!! (needs a lesson from kamille on the art of gold digging)
    kim-way too late to matter, in fact it’s happened 3 times!

  23. Daisy says:

    I’ve been a lurker for a while and have found that over the past month, I never go to bed without reading this site. You guys are awesome (especially you RCH), and I love, love, love that snark is expected and appreciated. I missed the BH opener, but I’d almost rather read the recaps and comments than waste the time watching unless I know it’s going to be good.

    I’ll try to watch this show, but I’ll need champagne with it if they are going to be showing Taylor close up. I really hate that she is putting her problems out there like that, especially her face.

  24. momsthoughts says:

    What do you mean you dont know Return to Witch Mountain – did they not have Disney when you were growing up? And I LIVED for Nanny and the Professor. I LOVED that show. LOVED it. Almost as much as “The Courtship of Eddie’s Father”. But what show was her sister in? How is she a child star if I don’t know who she is?

    I love all of them for the shallow rich psychotic plastic bitches they are! Yay! so much better than DC – Think Cat would move to BH?

  25. tuzentswurth says:

    If I had Vanderpumpernickel money, I’d put an elevator in the house, screw the silver staircase. No way I’d waste my time running all those stairs because then I’d be too tired to lift that giant wineglass. Also, running up and down that endless staircase would cut into my “being elegant” time.

  26. Alicia says:

    Love this show!!! Now THIS is what I am talking about!! A lot of money, too much plastic surgery, and a whole lot of bitchiness! Gonna be a great season!!

    Love your recaps even more!!!! You ROCK!!!!

    Also, correct me if I am wrong….. But dont you have to be a WIFE to be a Housewife??? (Kim, Kelly, Kim and Sheree ATL, etc….) it is Real Housewives!!! Not Real HouseMoms!!!

    • WindyCityWondering says:

      Good point – not all of the franchise ladies are mothers or wives – maybe it should be Real Media Whore of (insert location of choice)!

  27. tuzentswurth says:

    RCH, Where have your non- housewife blogs gone?

  28. Tam5115 says:

    I’ve only seen a little bit of the show, had my daughter in town this weekend. But it’s on my DVR so I’ll be watching soon.

    What I did see made me feel kind of bad for Kim. There is a definite feeling of loneliness and desperation there. I thought that was the whole reason about saying she might have another baby… her kids are growing up, she fears losing them (thus the need for them to have rooms in her new house) and she will be left with no purpose at all. She’s hanging on to her past as hard as she can.

    Need to watch before I can comment on anything else.

    • Kim is the kind of woman who would make a good sister wife.

    • Miss Anthrope says:

      Yeah, part of me also felt bad for Kim. She seems a bit socially inept, or perhaps just very insecure.

      I didn’t grow up in the era of which she was a child star, but from what I’ve read around this here internetz, it seems that people look back on her career fondly. It would (will) be a damn shame if she manages to tarnish that reputation by having a meltdown on this show.

      • Tam5115 says:

        I definitely look back on her career fondly. She was absolutely one of my favorite Disney stars back then. I remember being so envious of her hair, it was gorgeous! She was a very good looking little girl, and talented.

        No Deposit No Return is probably my favorite.

      • WindyCityWondering says:

        Did she forget how to act? Guessing we have to have the token crazy, needy, dilusional digbat in each franchise! Kim is another Kelly…Micheale……zzzzzzzzz! If I want to see a self centered, what about me, tantrum thrower I can watch some little diva melt down at the grocery store.

  29. Jenn says:

    This show looks somewhat familiar….OMG…I believer it was a movie called The First Wives Club! For real though I think these chicks are going to bring it because they have the kiss my ass attitude down pat!

  30. Miss Anthrope says:

    Good Lord.

    Taylor and Adrienne have some of the most unfortunate plastic surgery faces I have EVER seen. Tara Reids botched lipo looks better than Adriennes face. I can’t even figure out what she’s had done. A complete face transplant maybe? Fuckkkkkkk it’s awful. Why Taylor would let Adriennes husband work on her face after seeing what Adrienne looks like really escapes me. I’d be finding any excuse in the book to avoid letting that man near me with a scalpel. I can;t be the only one who thinks Adrienne actually looks a bit like Jocelyn Wildenstein, can I?

    Kim Richards seems totally insecure and socially inept. Not that I totally blame her for not wanting to hang around and chat up Taylor at an NBA game. Perhaps she was scared that Taylors lips might actually begin to melt mid-conversation?

    Camille is exactly how I imagined she’d be. Can’t stand her already even though she hasn’t actually done anything yet that is worthy of my hatred. I just have the feeling that she’s going to be “that one”…and I know you all get what I mean by that.

    Lisa actually named her daughter Pandora. How many derogatory jokes do you think have been made about her “box” over the years? So unfortunate.

    I’m looking forward to watching the Richards sisters tear eachothers hair out.

    • WindyCityWondering says:

      Sister on sister drama – they will bring it!

    • bravofanfromday1 says:

      O!M!G! Taylor’s plastic surgery is beyond weird. She is going to turn into the cat lady eventually. It’s a good thing that doctor is as talented as he is or she would already be there.

      • Sangfroid says:

        Jocelyn Wildenstein? Yes, I think Taylor is well on her way.
        Money seems to have a strange power over these women’s mirrors.

    • Sara says:

      YES!! Couldn’t agree with you more! Adrienne looks like a man in drag !-ewww!! Finally someone else notices! Yes, Taylor looks like she should be in the wax museum but so does fugly Adrienne! I live in L.A. & sadly.. that’s a common look!!!!:o So they may not realize how horrible they appear! Great recap as always!!!! 🙂

  31. well, I don’t know, but was I the only one HORRIFIED at the the way Kyle acted at the game??? Cheering like an effin moron for the Lakers when she is sitting next to the OWNER of the opposing team!! That was the most selfish, stupid, WTF, thing i have ever seen. so classless, she should never be expected to be invited to any event again.
    She lost me FOREVER. Clearly she thinks she is “oh-so-cool” aaaarrrrrgggghhhh!
    so stupidly classless.

    • crazysweet says:

      sorry but Lakers fans run DEEP! it’s a legacy in LA. I’m not a BBall fan…I’m a hockey fan and I LOVE my Kings! even if you tok me to any other team in the owners bbox (of which I have done…not the owners but the lawyers who sit in the owners box…) and I must ALWAYS cheer my Kings!

  32. Northeastgurl says:

    Theresa who?

  33. RCH….i left you a note in the postings “the death of Dwight”
    something Ive been holding in for awhile(nothing bad, i swear).
    Its so late, but there was some stuff i really needed to unload.
    Thanks for such a fun site.

  34. ilovelynn says:

    love, love, love this show! watched it with my mouth open the entire time! what kind of mother has to ask the nanny if her son is feeling better? at first I thought she was talking about the NANNY’S son! also, did you see the look on camille’s face when kelsey walked in the room and her little girl immediately ran from her and into his arms? hmmmm.
    so far my favorite is Lisa. very funny (love the husband with the dogs, too) and seems more down to earth. also liked kyle and adrianne, although I agree with miss anthrope that said she looked like jocelyn wildenstein. lol. I sorta feel bad for taylor, husband is a real asshole and kim is pathetic! I too saw that witch mountain was on tcm yesterday and just watched the first 10 minutes. even then she had that same “woe is me” look on her face. if memory serves, as an actress she ran the gambit from a to b!
    love your recaps, RCH, as usual get my belly laughs, spit out my coffee, wine, whatever, snorts while reading. love all the posters here too! I think after rhobh, new york is going to be ho hum. especially without our bethanny on it.

  35. WindyCityWondering says:

    Looks like Bravo finally found a franchise that is truly over the top with the things we want to see and snark about! Delightfully plastic, self absorbed, non charitable, materialistic devine divas worrying about their husbands replacing them! Love their homes, love their shoes, love their self absorbed lives…..no oranges or apples – they didn’t get the diamonds for nothing!

  36. MickeyMouth says:

    My first RHOBH chop.
    Portrait of Kim Richards with Unicorn : http://wp.me/pWaBw-jz

  37. Tracy says:

    I am literally GIDDY about these women. Lisa is charming (did you hear that remark she made during coming scenes about Kim returning to Witch Mountain? Classic!) and funny. Adrienne comes across as level-headed and not taking herself too seriously. Kyle is hilarious (as was evidenced by her spot-on impersonation of Lisa VP that was to coin an Andy Cohen-ism so “Vanderpumpian”.) Taylor at least knows what time it is in terms of her marriage and can we REALLY hate Camille? After all, it’s just as easy to marry a rich man as it is a poor one. The jury’s still out on Kimmy. These women make the other franchises look obsolete. I happened to watch RHoAtl (episodes 1 & 2) and then watched RH0BH directly afterward…RHoAtl came across as stale and tired with NeNe once again doing her “schtick” that quite frankly is getting old to me. These women are a breath of fresh air through this franchise.

    • tuzentswurth says:

      What the heck can the OC pathetic posers do to entertain us? They are so exposed as the shallow trash that they are, Bravo’s choice of replacements on OC has been very bad! Alexis and Gretchen are unwatchable, Tamra too. Vickie is irrelevant with this cast, they won’t let her be queen bee. And Jim and Slade…..yuk, network name should be Barfo with these two onscreen.

  38. TT in OC says:

    I am watching the re-run of the BH. Frankly, I still have remembering who’s who. This recap helps a lot since it puts a name to a face for me. I have to wait a little to comment and join the party until I get them right. I do however enjoy this franchise like most of you and am very happy that our “dealer” is into it … can’t wait for the high-quality pots that RCH is going to cook up for us. I will be busy again this week but will drop in as mush as I can. Have a great week everyone.

  39. bravofanfromday1 says:

    LOVE the recap!!! But how in the heck does someone who is as pop culture savy as you are NOT know about Escape to Witch Mountain, LOL??? God I LOVED that movie. However I am 39 years old. Maybe it’s just my age 🙂

    (I have to admit I didn’t know her name was Kim Richards but I knew her face as she was a guest star in like every tv show in the late 70’s.)

    This may prove to by my favorite series of Housewives yet. They are actually what I thought we would get when watching the OC gals.

  40. Sardonica says:

    First up…what’s with the thumbs down? Was Project Ladyfraud or her minion (s) bored today?
    So far I like Kyle best. Seems fun
    Sister Kim too fragile to pick on, yet
    Camille…The baby thing is a sore point for me so I will refrain. She is so blessed and argh… look at me. Surrogate… 4 nannies…arghhhhhhhhh again. She has a lovely yard.
    The rich one. Adrienne? Well I am happy she works hard but who can’t when born inot it and getting payback so easily. Also, I have yet to Google her but Sands Hotel And Casino? Vegas? errrrrrrm… can I type mob money. Had enough with the Manzo’s and their pile of brag. Hey, I can lie, cheat and steal and makes tons ‘o dough, too! I do not consider The Mafia glamorous much like Hollywood has continued to sell the past 3? decade. Another ‘issue’ I have so ignore.
    All the names I rememebr, so far. I dn’t usualy know every name until the last episode, if then. So…
    Lip lady…Needs to buy some self respect instead another injection of glob. dump the husband and get her own life
    The Brit. I think the husband is gay and that is why her ‘trainer’ is in house. So Hollywood. Works out well for all. Once we had a toy poodle. My husband was embarrassed when I brought her home but they bonded quickly. A guy and his dog. Last thing ever done to that dog would be to ‘poof’ her up. She was a DOG, all happy and rough and smelly and doggie. WE gave her the dog respect she deserved. None of this foo foo (sp)? stuff. Husband is gay, no I officially say Bi-sexual. I will wager that one. I like the Brit lady.
    Someone else was there, too. can’t recall? All hazy now. hmmmmmmm. Another blond with a distorted face? I think I have PTSD from 1st show. LOVE IT! ( show not the PTSD however I hear you can get some good drugs for that so win/win)

    • It’s the Palms casino. They own waaaay more stuff then that, those were just the interesting things.
      I think I might agree about Lisa’s husband. I like him though. I think the trainer is bi and services both of them on the side. Actually, he isn’t a trainer but everyone keeps calling him that. I think because we saw them working out together. But he’s not a trainer, just a run of the mill free loader.
      I feel bad for Taylor and Kim. Camille doesn’t really bother me. I don’t think she’s a gold digger because she was married for 13 years. That’s a long time to stay married to someone when you could have taken half and received alimony. Fraiser is a serious douche. Already having a baby with a younger woman and the divorce isn’t even final yet. I feel bad for her because of that. Especially in a city where women try SOOOO hard to look young and live in constant fear of being left for someone younger, it must be pretty fucking painful when it actually happens.

    • tuzentswurth says:

      This was probably the first time in RH history that I could name and recognize everyone after just one show. Amazing

  41. Sardonica says:

    Sorry. Overly long post with many typos. I am all heated up over this group and as usual was Tardy To The Pardy. Hate that I used an At. ref when I didn’t watch that group of peach pickers. Which brings me back to whats up with the HUGE tacky cut glass diamonds these BH woman are holding? Biggest paperweights I have ever seen. You nail it everytime, RCH. Once again, thin about the sci-fi version blog about this group. You have weeks to work on it. Photoshop…everything? Thank you in advance lol

  42. I just watched the home tours.
    Taylors house looks like a average cookie cutter suburban house. And the furniture looks like it came from a big chain store. I don’t believe that her husband had 10 million to invest in a business when their house looks like that. I predict they are the Giudice’s of Beverly Hills.
    Kim’s house looked pre-fabricated a.k.a bigger version of a tailor. It was weird. Kim is weird. She looks so uncomfortable in front of the camera.
    Very disappointed by those two.
    Camille’s home was nice, she probably has the best outdoor space. But I don’t know what to say about her furniture. It looks like her and my mother-in-law shop at the same store. I really liked her kitchen though. Love the brick around the stove.
    Lisa and Adrienne have the biggest homes, but Lisa’s is too white. Everything was white. White = grandma in my opinion.
    Adrienne’s house is like a museum. Really amazing. You could probably wander around there for days just looking at stuff. While it’s impressive, I wouldn’t decorate my house like that. Having intricately decorated everything feels like clutter to me.
    I love Kyle’s house. It’s not the biggest, but that’s my style. Modern and simple. The other homes gave me a headache.

    • tuzentswurth says:

      I still want to stay in Adrienne’s guest room and then have a massage in the morning. There better be a TV in that armoire though!

  43. mscarp says:

    So, I changed my pic to denote how I really feel about Taylor. 😉 Also here’s what my sister’s friend who went to HS with her had to say about Taylor/Shana, “She was Class of ’89, and she was a cheerleader, but not Homecoming Queen. She wasn’t a very nice girl, and even though she was popular, she hurt a lot of people in her attempts to get what she wanted. No one knows why she changed her name, but her middle name was Lynette. No idea where Taylor came from.”
    Her yearbooks were buried in the attic. but she did give me the link to the online version. Had a hard time seeing it, but here are 2 pics I found of her, if anyone is interested. For those new to this aspect of the story, Taylor was born Shana Hughes, so look for her by that moniker.

    Not quite as exciting as I’d hoped, but it does shed some light on her former self. After the premiere epsiode, I’d have to wonder exactly what all her social-climbing aspirations have really brought her. I agree, naturally, with RCH that the Armstrong’s will turn out to be the Guidice’s of this series, but obviously with less love and less rug-rats. Cannot wait to see what the show will bring, as I feel the real drama will indeed lie with the Richards Sisters. Me-ow!

    • Thanks for the links!
      I was hoping there was some cool story behind why she changed her name, but I guess not. Wonder where she came up with Taylor, seems kinda random.
      I looked at her picture, and she did in fact have lips and a nice face, no deformities or abnormalities. So I don’t understand what inspired her to completely alter her face the way she did.
      Love your new avatar by the way. Very chic.

    • tuzentswurth says:

      Thanks for sharing mscarp. Interesting, she did have a nice, normal face…an attractive girl. I think someone who would deform themselves to such an extent at age 38 is very unhappy inside. No amount of money or fame is going to bring satisfaction to this one. Someone else will always have more and that is just going to frustrate the hell out of her.

      • mscarp says:

        Yep, she was very pretty in her pre-surgery pics. Tuz, you hit the nail on the head, I think. Here’s my theory on her, as someone who has grown up in the area, Tulsa is a perfectly acceptable place in which to live, though not very exciting, unless you are really into HS and college football. People there have money, but not in an opulent over-the-top way. Most with those inclinations move to Dallas, which is certainly bigger (of course, it’s TEXAS, duh, everything’s bigger there, haha), but at some point, that’s either enough for you, or you crave more and more. Fame/money is like a drug, much like crappy reality tv is for us. My sister’s friend said at some point around their 10 or 15 year reunion, she was telling people she was a doctor, though none of the Bravo stuff indicates that. Maybe she’s plumping up her resume, if you will. Makes sense, as a great number of the RH casts misrepresent their status, either financial or otherwise. As far as the name change, I think she may be a little embarrassed by her humble “Midwestern” roots and with a name like Shana Lynette Hughes, she knew she had to upgrade the name along with the face. Little did she know, she actually outed herself by choosing a name like Taylor, which to me is a typical choice for many of the Midwestern gals who came of age in the 80’s. The schools here are filled with Taylors, and Haileys, and the like. I feel she’s a sad, sad woman. I’m glad she does appear to have normal mother/daughter relationship, though, as that may be the only thing she has left when this is all over.

    • MickeyMouth says:

      @mscarp I thought she looked more like Jigsaw – http://wp.me/pWaBw-jN

  44. Mama says:

    Great recap!

    I think Taylor looks like Ike from ‘South Park’ and instead of making a mean photoshop of a RH I’d be happy with another of your funny little animated films!

    (The last part of the last sentence makes me sound like I am 85 years old!)

  45. Tracy says:

    Hell I don’t need to watch ANY of these women…the REAL fun is going on right here! You ladies are FABOOSH! lol…what can I say? I ADORE the snark!

  46. crazysweet says:

    BTW should this blog be called “Bravo pay attention PUH-LEEZE!” ??
    also how do I sign up for the “trainers” job. I’m sick of ym life and want to hitch my wagon to someone else and live the fabulous life just for being me! 🙂

    • Yes, I think the trainer (btw guys he isn’t a trainer, but we can keep calling him that, it’s fine) is the luckiest gay of all the Housewives shows. You know Dwight was watching that show going “Now THATS how I deserve to be treated by my friends! Screw these Atl heffers, I movin to Beverly Hills.”

      • crazysweet says:

        how dreadful!

        but really, I think Brad is the one kicking himself in the ass the most thinking about how he ran around for so long with his head up Jill Zarins ass as her gay husband only to be thoughtlessly discarded never to be spoken of again as if he never existed.
        Take notes bitches “the trainer” shows how its done right!

  47. glued2it says:

    I’m sure everyone’s said very on-target things about this episode and I’m sure RCH wrote a GREAT blog about it, but I couldn’t get past this comment by RCH about Taylor
    “Apparently that big thing turned out to be her lips.”
    YES, those LIPS. But what bothers me more, so much more that I couldn’t finish reading the blog or get to the comments before saying…WHAT ABOUT HER CHEEKS??? What kind of landscaping is that??? Shaking my head. She looks like the BEFORE photo that the Plastic Doc shows you. And then he turns the page for the AFTER PHOTO and you’re looking at Bo Derek in 10. But no, Taylor’s wacky cheeks – out to Tulsa, back to Malibu, out to Tulsa again…she’s the after photo. Poor thing.

    Okay, back to reading all the glorious comments and the rest o’ RCH’s blog…

  48. glued2it says:

    RCH about Kim: “Her scenes are uncomfortable to watch and I feel embarrassed for her.”
    YES. Exactly. Kim strikes me as a very very nice person. But oh….she just doesn’t fit in. She was the really cute girl in 4th grade who doesn’t get why she isn’t the popular girl in 10th grade. It’s because she hasn’t developed her own presence. She doesn’t know herself. Oh Kim, please get out of this contract. Get on your Witch Mountain flying bed and fly far away from the RH show.

  49. glued2it says:

    I’m with some of the others about Kyle – she’s the “queen bitch” as someone said earlier. I think we are looking at a future Jill Z with this one. She seems quite grounded and has a great life but I think she’s gonna start steppin’ in it if she’s not careful.

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