Hey guys, I know this recap is a week late, but so were the Housewives Bravo blogs, so at least we’re all on the same schedule. Honestly, I just didn’t feel like writing it this week. With Atlanta airing and Beverly Hills starting and all the never ending insanity going on in New Jersey, I just couldn’t make myself care about this episode. But since I started the recaps I might as well finish them. And since I have Beverly Hills and the DC reunion to recap tomorrow, I figured it’s now or never. So I bit the bullet and got it done because I know there are those of you who wanted it. If it’s not funny don’t blame me. I was just trying to keep my eyes open long enough to get to the end.
The show starts with Tareq and Michaele in the limo on the way to the White House. Stacie calls (totally coincidentally I’m sure) to ask if they want to come over for dinner next week, she also wants to know if they have an invitation to the White House. This is now the 3rd time that someone is asking her about the invitation. Bravo knew something was up.
This scene is supposed to be the next day. But Michaele’s hair is longer and thicker than it was the night before and those don’t look like clip-on extensions to me.
The Salahi’s are going over the pictures they took at the White House when Tareq gets a text message from someone named Rob. They talk about him as though we’re supposed to know who he is. I bet Tareq’s phone didn’t even ring. I suppose he’ll claim it was on vibrate, but I’m gonna go with: it didn’t ring and they don’t know anyone named Rob. Tareq then tells Michaele that “Rob” informed him that all those pesky gossip columnists down at that trashy tabloid known as The Washington Post are making up stories about them.
Stacie calls Cat on the phone to share in the joy of the Salahi’s public embarrassment. Cat says the Salahi’s are plastic not fantastic. I guess she thinks this line is pretty clever because she uses it several times throughout this episode.
The women gather at Stacie’s to gossip. Mary says that Tareq and Michaele are like Thelma and Louis headed for the cliff. Lynda, in an attempt to one-up her in her interview says that they are like Bonnie and Clyde in overdrive. Overdrive? Does that mean that Lynda thinks crashing the White House is a more serious offence than a murder spree?
Mary wants to know if Tareq and Michaele sat down together and plotted and planned to crash the dinner. I don’t think they did. This is how I imagine the conversation going:
Michaele: Do you think we’ll be invited to the state dinner this year?
Tareq: I think we should be invited since we are personally responsible for the relationship between India and America and all.
Michaele: Yes I agree, we should be invited.
Tareq: We do deserve to be there. Even if they don’t send us an invitation, surely we deserve to go.
Michaele: Yes love, we totally deserve to go. Where would India and Polo be today if not for us?
Tareq: So I guess we should just go, you know, since we deserve to be there and all. We’ll just show up and let them decide at the gate if they want to let us in. If they do, they do. If not, we’ll go back to the hotel and order room service.
Michaele: Yay love. Sounds like a plan. Should I wear a sari? Do you think that will be appropriate?
Tareq: I don’t know. Why don’t you call the White House and ask.
< ring ring ring >
Operator: Hello, White House front desk.
Michaele: Hello, this is Michaele Salahi, I was just wondering if it would be appropriate if I wore a red sari to the state dinner.
Operator: Yes ma’am, I think that would be ok.
Michaele: Great, thanks love, you’re the best.
Michaele: Well, she didn’t tell me that I wasn’t invited, so I’m sure it’s totally fine if we go.
Tareq: Yeah I’m sure it’s fine.
Michaele: Yay! I’m so excited! We’re going to the White House!!
Stacie decides to call Michaele and get her side of the story. When the phone goes to voice mail Lynda says “Well maybe they are only entitled to one phone call”. I guess that was supposed to be a joke about them being in jail. No one laughed.
Cat goes over to Mary’s to cry to her about being uninvited to the White House. For all the shit talking Cat does about the Salahi’s being “so.full.of.shit” she’s pretty full of shit herself. She constantly refers to her husband as a photographer for the White House which sounds more important than “photographer for Newsweek”, which is what he is. The party she was invited to was not an intimate gathering of the Obama’s family and friends. It was a party for members of the press and she most likely would have gotten a handshake and polite smile at best. Obama is not friends with her husband and he was not excited to meet her. If he had been, it wouldn’t have taken two years for her to get invited to a party, and an association if Michaele would not have affected her invite. And lastly, her marriage would have ended at the same time in the same way whether she had gone to that party or not.
Cat can cry me a river. I know these women think that shaking the president’s hand is a some sort of lifetime achievement (personally I’d rather go to a party at Bethenny’s house, Obama looks like he’d be boring) but not attending a party at the White House is not a tragedy and it didn’t “destroy” her life.
Paul and the women (minus Stacie because she has a job) gather at Lynda’s to watch the Salahi’s congressional hearing.
On advice of counsel I respectfully assert my right to remain silent and decline to answer your question.
Lynda says “Go to jail” to the tv screen and that actually got a little laugh out of Mary, so Lynda said it again “Go to jail”, but she didn’t get a response the second time. Then she tried to kick it up a notch and said “make some license plates.” She even looked around the room to see if anyone was laughing. No one was. She looked disappointed. Lynda needs to stop trying to be funny.
Paul thinks that now -in the middle of the hearing- is the perfect time for Michaele to tell Tareq and congress that she wants a divorce. But he does admit that she’s over 40 and has straw for brains, so really, what is she going to do with the rest of her life? She can’t get a job doing makeup after this scandal so she’s kinda stuck with him at this point. Lynda disagrees. She thinks Michaele should take off her makeup and start servicing people for tips. She didn’t clarify if she meant as a waitress or as a stripper in the champagne room.
In his interview, Paul totally ratted Lynda out for getting all her money from her ex husband and not her modeling agency. Haha! Awesome! I wish he would have said it to her face.
I have two things to say about this information:
1) I’m sorry I called Lynda a DC Madam, I no longer think her modeling agency is a cover for an escort agency.
2) I KNEW it!
I knew there was no way she afforded that house by running a dinky modeling agency in DC. So now the truth comes out: she lives off of a divorce settlement while she plays “model agency” in the basement the same way Sheree plays “actress” in her kitchen. Thank you Paul!
Cat calls Tareq and Michaele celebrity terrorists. At least she didn’t say plastic not fantastic again. Stacie wants to know if Cat will say that to their face. Cat says of course she will. Stacie is thrilled to hear this and immediately invites Cat to dinner at her house with the Salahi’s. Mary and Lynda decline the invitation.
Cat says she’ll go to the dinner to support Stacie in her quest for the truth – not to confront the Salahi’s. Stacie is not happy to hear this and tries to get Cat fired up by reminding her that she was not only uninvited to the White House, but that you my dear got black balled because of them.
Now we are over to Stacie’s for her dinner which seemed to consist only of humus, wine and desert. I’m guessing that after the whole White House snafu none of the restaurants in DC wanted the Bravo cameras in their establishments and that’s why this entire episode was shot in the women’s homes. The Salahi’s arrive, but Cat is unusually quiet and doesn’t say anything. Anticlimactic.
Cat’s stares at the corner. The cold shoulder! That will teach those Salahi’s a lesson!
After another moment Cat gets up without saying a word, puts on her jacket, picks up her purse, and begins to leave. But first she takes a brief moment to tell the Salahi’s that they are fake and a disgrace to America.
Michaele says “You are not a lady” and promptly runs out of the room. Then Cat walks out too. She didn’t even get to say plastic not fantastic or celebrity terrorist! And that was it. That was the big showdown between the women. Boo!! Hiss!! This is so lame! Pull a weave, flip a table, do something! This show is actually making me miss Ashley. Ashley! Look what you’ve done to me DC! I hate you.
Outside we see that Cat didn’t actually leave. She is just standing in the rain on the front porch talking to Lynda on the phone while a mysterious hand holds an umbrella for her. Who was it (Ramona?) who said DC had the worst production crew?
The Turners are not satisfied with the disappointing level of drama and try to convince Michaele to stay. She seems unsure, so Jason calls Cat rude and says it’s better that she left. That was enough to convince Michaele that this was not a set up and she eventually takes off her jacket and sits down again.
Jason tells them that they are wearing a scarlet letter and that they put shame on the family name. True as it may be, I can never understand why reality stars always expect their cast mates to sit quietly and take it while they call them names.
Michaele says she is done and gets up to leave. Tareq says he would love to talk about it except they “are under strict orders by… by… I can’t… I mean, they told us not to even… it’s just…” he looks at the camera and let’s his words trail off. I bet if the camera hadn’t been there he would have said that president Obama called him personally earlier in the night and asked him not to speak about it, but that he is very, very sorry about the misunderstanding.
With Jason and Stacie on their heels trying get every last bit of drama they can out of this situation, the Salahi’s finally make it through the house and out the door. The back door! Gasp! Stacie says they are truly delusional and crazy. Maybe it was a trick of the camera, but from what was shown it looked like their car was parked outside the back door.