The show starts with Lynda in her basement doing a casting call for a fashion show. She makes the models walk for her, but not only are they walking on carpet, the room is so small they can only really take about 3 steps from the corner before they run into the table. I don’t think the Salahi’s are the only ones on this show involved in goat rodeo’s. Just Sayin….
Ebong is getting a little old and Lynda will be trading him in for a younger version after his next birthday. One of her models is a man who she thinks might make a good replacement and she jots down his number for future reference.
Over at the Turners, they are plotting to take revenge on the evil birth mother by outing her secret to her son. Stacie says that her birth mother left her no choice. So clearly her only option was to contact someone who knew absolutely nothing about the situation or that Stacie even exists. Makes sense to me.
Michaele and Tareq are in the limo on their way to… somewhere… I don’t know. Michaele reminisces about the good old days when she wasn’t into eating. It was her lovely husband Tareq that turned her onto this crazy thing called “dinner”.
The rest of the women go out to lunch to discuss the Salahi’s and their mounting pile of lies. I don’t understand why they are so shocked. Have they not seen The Real Housewives before? Every franchise needs to have a resident sociopath. It’s in the fine print in the contract.
The women are confused as to how Tareq and Michaele haven’t lost their home when they supposedly don’t have any money to pay their mortgage. Mary explains that you can live in a house for 2 years without paying if you declare bankruptcy.
I just want to point out that every lunch, dinner, and event the women attend is held at this hotel. Either this is the most amazing establishment in DC, or it was the only place besides the hair salon that was willing to allow Bravo’s cameras inside.
Tareq says that it is a very important time for Polo because it is the one sport that India and America share together. The Salahi’s are single handedly building the relationship between America and India. That’s really nice of them and all, but India’s main export to America is hair extensions and they don’t have any weapons of mass destruction. Maybe the Salahi’s should go over to North Korea and work on those relations if they want to do good for their country.
Lynda is helping a clothing designer from Africa put together a fashion show. Lynda explains that her agency is very interesting because it represents models from all over the world… unlike all the other modeling agencies that only represent American models?
The women try really hard to make the fashion show sound politically important by claiming that it will show the people of DC that Africa is capable of producing something other than genocide and internet scams.
They are proud of the fact that the clothing is made in Africa by African women. Who wants to bet the women work 16 hours a day and are paid in sea shells?
The designer wants to give Lynda a free dress to wear to the fashion show. Lynda – who made it clear that she understands nothing about marketing or advertising when she had her lawyers send out cease and desist letters to bloggers – says that she doesn’t understand why designers give their clothes away for free and that they should charge everyone. Brilliant idea Lynda. She also says that sometimes (only sometimes?) fashion can seem so shallow and that this fashion show is going to remind everyone that fashion is not frivolous (I would like to point out at this moment that the fashion show was not a charity event.) Lynda doesn’t seem completely brain dead, but the stuff that comes out of her mouth is idiotic to put it nicely. I love designer clothes, but seriously… I’m not pretending to change the world with my Louboutins.
Charles tell Cat that they were invited to the White House for a Christmas party and that Obama is really excited to finally meet her. Cat thinks it’s about time. L-M-F-A-O For all the shit these women talk about the Salahi’s, they aren’t all that grounded in reality themselves.
Over at the Turners they are disappointed that their master plan of contacting Stacie’s “step brother” (seriously Stacie?) isn’t panning out. Stacie was sure he would call right away, but it’s now been a week and they haven’t heard anything. They said the message read something along the lines of “You won’t believe the relative we have in common“. If I had been on the receiving end of that message I probably would have thought it was a spam comment from the “Family Tree” website and ignored it. I think “Hey I’m your long lost sister. Call me at this number…” would have been a better attention grabber.
Stacie takes a picture of her birth father to the Nigerian embassy to see if anyone there recognises him. The lady from the Embassy says that judging by his special hat, he is most likely a tribe leader. Boy is Stacie gonna be disappointed when she finds out that this was just a random photo her mom snapped while on a Safari in Africa and that her real dad could be any one of the West Baltimore drug dealers she used to buy her party drugs from back in college.
Lynda calls Mary to make sure that she received her invitation to the fashion show and assures her that she posted a picture of Tareq and Michaele with security incase they try to sneak in. Mary says that it’s for the Salahi’s own benefit that they don’t show up because Lolly will be there and she is angry. She explains that her daughter is not someone you wanna fuck with. She’ll rip a bitches weave out.
Lynda is now getting ready for the fashion show and once again her personal care nurse is there to help her get the dress over her head. Seriously Bravo?! I have an idea, how about you leave grandma in the old folks home for now and give her a call when you decide to make a reality version of The Golden Girls.
Lynda goes on and on and on about her “political fashion show” bla bla kjfvhkugigiu sgkkfvjefrgjrgionjv;klpierg\rg….. oops sorry, I fell asleep and my head hit the key board.
I find it funny that Lynda is making such a big deal out of security when 1) the Salahi’s have more important parties to crash and 2) the fashion show appears to be being held in the food court at the mall
Michaele is getting her hair done at a salon that doesn’t appear to be owned by her dear friend Ted Gibbson. I guess that is another relationship that must have fallen apart because every woman knows cheating on your hair stylist is an offense equal to cheating on your husband. The stylist asks Michaele where she is going and she replies that it’s really important and confidential…. and it’s the State Dinner.
When I saw the footage of the Salahi’s on the news way back when, I was not as bothered by the crashing allegations as I was by Michaele’s hair. Now I know who is responsible for it. Bad call lady. The White House deserved an up-do, or some volume and texture at the very least.
Tareq explains that you don’t really need an invitation to get into the White House. Apparently not, they’ve gotten in twice now.
Next week we get to watch the infamous White House episode. After all the news coverage we’ve seen, it already feels like a re-run.
Sorry if this recap sucked, but so did the show. Things will get better on Monday.