The Real Housewives of DC – The Closet Thief and Salahi Mama Drama

For some reason the latest episode of DC was never posted online. I eventually found a wonderful woman on youtube who records the show with a camcorder while she watches on tv and then posts the videos online. Her name is Amy and I love her. She has WWHL and other shows if any of you missed a show or want to re watch something you already saw. Here is her link: http://www.youtube.com/user/ozus2

Cat’s husband has left her alone once again and she’s bored so she heads over to Mary’s house and get drunk with her at 12pm. Mary goes on and on about how her daughter is kleptomaniac and that’s why she had to get a biometric finger print lock on her closet door. She tells Cat about the keypad code lock she used to have, but Lolly learned how to pick locks from her criminal friends who stole Tareq’s car so Mary was forced to upgrade. She now sleeps in fear of her fingers being chopped off in the night. But in her interview she assures the camera that Lolly would never steal a car, only clothes and possibly finger tips.

Lynda is moving onward and upward in life. She bought a house in Dick Cheny’s neighborhood and now she owns a dog that is related to a dog that is owned by one of the Kennedy’s. She likes her little pug, but she felt that he just wasn’t “first tier” enough.

Lynda says that she would never marry Ebong. Of course not. Every good pimp knows you can’t turn a Ho into a housewife (or husband as the case may be.)

Stacie meets with Tereq and Michaele who want to buy a second home in the city. I don’t know if it counts as a second home when your first home is owned by your parents. They are looking for a home big enough to hold their 200 guests who will be dropping by on a daily basis, it must also have room for 200 cars because none of their guests like to carpool, it has to look like the Four Seasons, not need any renovations, be somewhere in the price range of $100,000 to $12 million and needs to be available either right away or some time next year. And the owner needs to accept imaginary winery money.

Stacie wants to see bank records.

Cat’s friend killed himself. That’s not funny so I’m just going to glaze right over this part and not mention that maybe if she were as good a friend to him as she claims she was then he wouldn’t have killed himself.
(That’s mean, I know. You can yell at me about it in the comments).

Lynda informs us that she always consults an astrologist before making any important decisions in her life. Oh no. Not another one. Why is it always the fakest bitches that are into this shit?

The women “sage the house” to clear it of past energy. Amy (the woman filming the show) thought it was pretty funny and I can hear her laughing in the background.

Mary wants to know if sage will keep her daughter out of her closet. The editors must not like Mary if they are putting all this “Lolly is a thief” footage in the episode right after the episode where Lolly is accused of being a thief.

Next Lynda says her Jewish prayer with her Catholic Holy water, then kneels towards Mecca and praises Allah, rubs Buddah’s stomach, hails to the Sun Gods and makes a blood offering to the Wiccan Goddess of the trees.

Since the Salahi’s can’t prove that they actually have any money, they can’t actually see the insides of any of the homes. But they can drive around neighborhoods in their limo and look at them from the outside.

Poor Tareq. It always does boil down to mommy issues, doesn’t it?

There was a security breach at the Amons home. Mary got drunk and forgot to lock the closet again and Lolly ran in there and pillaged the place the second Mary passed out on the bathroom floor. Rich wants to know why the hell he had to spend ten thousand dollars on a biometric security system if Mary can’t be bothered to use it.

Mary doesn’t like sarcasm. I bet she loves me then. 😉

Stacie and Jason discuss the situation with Stacie’s birth parents. Jason is pissed that Stacie’s birth mom won’t just tell her who her father is. The Turner’s take black pride to a whole new level and having Nigerian blood relatives is like hitting the jackpot for them.

Jason, with his savvy computer skills, managed to find Stacie’s white brother (who doesn’t know she exists) on facebook. They contemplate whether or not they should contact him as revenge for Stacie’s mother not giving her the information she wants about her father. Jason thinks it’s important to know who your family is. I agree. So one might have thought that Stacie would have been excited to have found her brother on facebook, but he’s white so she’s not interested in contacting him unless he can provide her with information that leads her to the black side of the family.

Lynda is too old to bend over so she has her home care nurse buckle her shoes for her.

The nurse decides to give Lynda a little freedom and allows her to dress herself for the party/fashion show she is attending with her friends. Poor senile Lynda chose to wear a rain jacket as a dress and carry a woven basket as a purse. But she was so proud of herself so no one said anything.

Lynda says that women behave badly at men’s fashion shows and that they act as though they are in a strip club. Mary was the only one I saw behaving badly.

Suddenly Mary looks across the room and realizes that her daughter is wearing her stolen clothes right in front of her.

Lynda thinks the drinking age should be 18 and that Marijuana should be legalized. Maybe I don’t completely hate her. She should move to Canada!

The Amons and the Turners get together to discuss the winery drama – again.

Mary says that Jason’s behavior that night was “high five” and that he was a “tender warrior” and that “his feather was like reeeeeeeuuuuuaaaaaaaaahhh“.

Jason explains that since Rich wasn’t there he felt it was his job as a man and step in to protect the womanfolk. I don’t know why, but I just get the feeling from Rich that if he had been there, he wouldn’t have really cared if Tareq made Mary cry.

When Michaele says “Tareq’s mother Corrin…. I don’t know why she’s so mean to me. It’s tough” I just want to hug her. I’m beginning to think she is incredibly manipulative, but I like her strategy. I’m taking notes.

As Tareq and Michaele are sitting in the winery discussing how much Tareq’s father wants him to run the place, the police show up. His mother apparently felt that them sitting in an empty winery having a conversation was a dangerous situation that required the immediate attention of the police department. You can’t pull this type of shit in the city. You get fined for wasting the police’s time. But I guess the Virginia wine country police don’t mind. This was probably the most action they saw all day, plus they got to be on tv.

Tareq says this is typical of his mother. All he wants is to be loved and have free reign of the families’ finances. Is that so much for a son to ask for?

And that’s all for this week. Next week, Jason reveals that he not only hates white people, but gays too. And we finally get to watch Michaele pretend to be a Redskins Cheerleader! Of all the things in the world a person could pretend to be, does it surprise anyone that Michaele pretends to be a cheerleader? Personally, if I were going to make up a fake profession I think I would choose “Doctor without Borders”. Then I would have a good excuse for why I don’t actually work in a hospital, and after I came back from my beach vacations I could impress people at dinner parties with dramatic tales of the sick babies I rescued from the brink of death.