You’re all a bunch of clowns
I’m the star of this proverbial show
Huh? Wait… what was I sposed ta say again?
So what do you think Danielle is doing right now?
I don’t know. Probably sleeping with a married man. She’s such a whore.
She is garbage.
Or maybe she’s beating someone with a 9mm pistol. I read the court records. She likes to beat people with 9mm pistols.
You can put clown makeup and a red wig on a pig but it’s still a pig.
Or maybe she is picking up her daughters from school because they were crying so much the nurse decided to send them home.
Those kids have no light in their eyes.
Or maybe she’s making a sex tape with some random guy. She’s disgusting. Whore. Liar. Bitch.
She will never be a friend of mine.
She wished my daughter was dead. She wished she would kill herself. I kinda wish that too sometimes, but still, you’re not supposed to say things like that out loud. It’s not right. Wait – did I just say that out loud?
I feel a 5 o’clock shadow coming on. Gotta go shave before Albert comes home.
So the other day I was sucking this guys dick…
Mom, I really don’t want to hear this, please.
Don’t interrupt your mother. I raised you better than that. So anyway, I didn’t want to swallow because I had already swallowed like 3 loads that day and was feeling kinda full…
…he was about to blow his load so I pulled his “thing” out of my mouth and -BLAM- cum shot right in the face. Got it all over my new extensions. Can u believe that? I walked outta that public restroom looking like “Something About Mary”. Lol.
Never have sex. It’s disgusting. Unless someone important offers to advance your career, then it’s totally worth it. I heard Gilles Bensimon likes younger women.
Mom please, I don’t want to be a model, I just want to be a normal 16 year old.
You listen to me – I created you which means I OWN you until you are 18. You are going to develop an eating disorder and a cocaine habit and become a famous model and buy me a proverbial condo on the water. Do you understand me?
And you… you better find a talent fast because I don’t think the singing thing is gonna work out and there is no use in keeping you around unless you benefit me in some way. U got that?
HEY TERESA!!!! I just got back from a shopping spree in ITALY! Too bad you couldn’t come! No money! So sad!
My chandelier cost 100 thousand dollars and it’s all paid for. How much did you NOT pay for your FUGAZI chandelier?
I know no one is gonna be ripping the iron railings outta my house! When is the REPO MAN gonna be here Teresa?! I got my camera ready!
Get your nasty old lady ass off my property!!
It’s not gonna be your property for much longer! Maybe I’ll buy your house at the auction and rent it out to low income families because no one with REAL MONEY would ever live in this ugly warehouse!
HEY Teresa I know a really good doctor for laser hair removal! I would recommend him to you, but unfortunately he doesn’t take CREDIT!
HEY you better not be fucking Joe on that pool table, I want it in good condition for when I move it into my pink basement!
Don’t worry, Joe isn’t fucking her on the pool table – or anywhere else for that matter.
Who the hell are you?
I’m Tara. I was just dropping Joe off because he doesn’t have a license anymore.
Hey u wanna be my friend? I’ll buy you stuff and let ya use my driver and my Bently.
Hey Joe. Joooooeee. How did ya get home?
A guy from work dropped me off.
It didn’t look like a guy from work.
Waddya talkin about? It was a guy. You’re crazy.
Jooooooe. U betta not be lying to me. If I find out u were with that blonde who-ah one more time….
Yo I told ya I wasn’t. Now shut up before I kick ya butt.
Gimme a kiss Joooe! U wanna see some cleavalage?
Come on Tree. My day was bad enough already. Leave me alone wit my drink will ya?
Gimme a kiss Joe! Joooooooeee! Ain’t I worth it? Ain’t I???
There is a thousand bucks in my jacket pocket. Just take the money and fuck off will ya?
Joe loves me so much. He can’t get enough of me. We have sex like 10 times a day. That’s way more than he has sex with anyone else. I mean… he doesn’t have sex with anyone else – obviously. But I’m just sayin if he did, he wouldn’t have sex with them as much as he has sex with me. Sometimes I forget to feed the kids cause we fuck so much I don’t have time for nothin else. And he buys me all kinds of jewelry. We fuck and then he buys me shit. Sex and diamonds everyday, that’s my life. I’m so happy.
HEY TREE!!!! Shut the fuck up! You gotta say sapphires remember! The lawyer said u gotta say sapphires in front of the cameras!
Oh right. He buys me lots of saph – sapa – HOW DO YA SAY IT JOE?!
Right, so like I was saying, he buys me a lotta sapphires. Because you know we’re like in a recession and the section 8 tenants don’t pay the rent. So ya know, it’s hard for untra-pan-yur slum lord pizza makers these days.
Why do you always wear that ugly fucking hat?
Nice to see you too mom.
Don’t be sarcastic with me. I asked you a question. Why are you always dressed like a homeless person?
Mom please stop.
Look at the nose on you. You didn’t get that from my side of the family. Why don’t you fix that honker? I’m sure Chris will pay for it. You want me to ask him?
No mom, please just leave me alone.
Are you ever gonna get a job? I think you should just go work at McDonalds. You are probably too stupid to get a job anywhere else.
Mom stop, seriously.
Hey – I’m trying to have a conversation with you because I love you. All I’m saying is that you’re ugly and stupid. We can’t do anything about your stupidity, but I think a good plastic surgeon could fix your face up a bit.
MOM!!! SHUT UP!!!!
WHAT did you just say to me?! You disrespectful little shit!! Get outta my house! NOW!!!
Fine I was leaving anyway!
I just don’t know where her attitude comes from! I did everything I could possibly do as a mother. She’s an adult now. I’m not responsible for her behavior anymore. She is your problem now, Justice System. Hahaha.