Ok, so here’s the thing: I don’t really watch Jersey Shore. I saw a bit of season one, and this episode (8) is the first episode I’ve seen of season two. Most of what I know about the Jersey Shore kids comes from TMZ. But after The Real Housewives of New Jersey ended I was suffering some serious withdraw and I needed to do something to get my Jersey fix. It was either this or Jerseylicious, and Jersey Shore won in my twitter poll. The Jersey Shore girls are basically a younger, classier version of Teresa, Dina, Jacqueline and Danielle. I didn’t include Caroline because I assume she’s probably always acted like a stuffy old tight ass. So anyway here is my recap starting in the middle of the season.
The show starts out with some clips from last week. Angelina has a boyfriend who buys her amazing things like Fossil watches but she slept with Vinnie even though she apparently hates him. Why is Angelina even on this show? Didn’t she leave in the beginning of season one? And why are they in Miami? I thought this was Jersey Shore. So basically it’s a show about a bunch of kids from New York partying in Miami… but it’s called Jersey Shore? Ok. Whatever. It’s a reality show, why would I expect any of it to make any sense?
So anyway, it’s the morning after Angelina’s night with Vinnie. Her actions reinforced the guys belief that when you are nice to a girl it gets you nowhere and you have to treat them like shit if you want to get laid. Angelina is a total whore but she doesn’t care. I don’t care either. I like her because in season one she said “I’m a bartender, I like, do great things”. Lol. I would love to borrow those rose colored glasses for a day. The rest of the cast are not fans.
Snookie and J Wow go out to lunch. J Wow practices her blow job techniques while Snookie explains why hooking up with Vinnie makes Angelina a whore, but not her. They come to the conclusion that Angelina only slept with Vinnie to hurt Snookie and it’s her own loss because she got sloppy seconds.
Vinnie’s mom and some other family members came to visit and she brought a whole suit case filled with food. Coming into this house you’d think she would have brought a suitcase filled with condoms, Valtrex and disinfectant. Didn’t she watch season one?
She even brought water bottles just in case they didn’t sell water in Miami.
Uncle Nino says that a cane is like a woman. You can borrow it, but you gotta bring it back. Words of wisdom for the younger generation to remember.
Is this a bikini or underwear?
The all go out to a night club and Vinnie meets a girl.
Situation steals the girl.
Vinnie is sad.
Situation brings the girl back to the house, get her in his bed, gets her undressed…
He is confused when she get up and walks out.
It’s only 6am and the night is still young so Pauly calls another girl to come over. There is no girl for Situation, but he doesn’t care. He’s more than happy to eat his egg sandwich and watch Pauly get it on.
The Situation rats out Angelina to her sugar daddy for being a whore.
She comes clean and admits that she hooked up with Vinnie. The guy thinks hooking up means kissing. Angelina thinks hooking up means having sex. She is more than happy about the misunderstanding.
The next night they all go out to another club. Vinnie spots a girl dancing on a speaker in her underwear and immediately falls in love. He says that this is the kind of girl he would bring home to his mother.
Vinnie ignores the 3 day rule and calls the girl the next day for a date. She agrees. Vinnie is happy and does some break dance moves to celebrate.
Pauly knows how to talk to the ladies.
Vinnie finally composes himself and calls the girl back and apologizes for hanging up on her. Then he begs her to go out with him. And begs. And begs. He won’t take no for an answer so she finally agrees just to get him to shut up.
As soon as she gets off the phone she calls her girlfriend to tell her about the weird stalker she met at the club. She whines for a bit about how she only attracts the crazy ones and then they laugh about what he’s gonna do when he realizes that she isn’t showing up for their date.
Vinnie is heart broken. She was the girl of his dreams. He already had the ring picked out and everything.
Next week the gang tries to solve the mystery of who left the dirty period pad on the bathroom floor.