A New Kind of Crack To Help Feed Your Addiction – The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

The Real Housewives of New Jersey is coming to an end and The Real Housewives of DC are kinda boring and you probably thought that you were going to spend less time on the internet obsessing over the shows and get back to your real life. Well think again. Just when you thought there might be hope for your Real Housewives Addiction, Bravo comes out with a new and improved super sized addition to The Real Housewives franchise. I think Andy was getting sick of all these broke ass fauxlebreties pretending to be something that they weren’t (*cough cough*, Teresa, Lynn, Nene, Alexis etc, etc, etc yadda yadda and so on and so forth…..) So they went to the one zip code where they were guaranteed to find a bunch of fake bitches with real money. Beverly Hills! The seaon is set to premier on October 14. Apparently Bravo’s plan is to eventually have a new Housewives episode airing every night of the week. You should all just divorce your husbands and put your kids up for adoption now, because if Bravo gets their way you will be glued to your tv screen 24 hours a day, looking away only to check the blogs and twitter.

Let’s take a sneak peak at what is sure to be our newest obsession:

Kim RichardsKim Richards

Kim is sister to Kathy Hilton and aunt to Paris and Nicky Hilton and you can see the family resemblance. This is what Paris Hilton is going to look like in 20 years. Not bad. She was a child actress and stared in a whole bunch of tv shows and movies that I’ve never heard of. She did make a few guest appearances on Different Strokes, ChIPS, and Magnum PI, remember those shows? Neither do I. Her bio says that she decided to go into early retirement but I have a feeling she didn’t decide to go into early retirement as much as she was forced into early retirement. She has four kids from three different baby daddies. Her oldest daughter is from her first marriage, she has a boy and a girl from her second marriage, and a girl with her ex boyfriend. She is creating a jewelry line and donates to charity bla bla bla. Her shoes are awesome, but are clearly too big for her feet. They couldn’t have photoshoped that? Her younger sister Kyle Richards not only has a boys name, but is also going to be on the show.

Kyle Richards Kyle Richards

Kyle has amazing hair and I want to know where she got her extensions. Seriously, I love her hair. Her bio says that she was also a child actress and continues to work in her adult life. I don’t know where she works, but I don’t think it’s on tv or film. Like her older sister, she also starred in a bunch of tv shows and movies that I’ve never heard of. The only show on her resume that I recognise is Little House on the Praire, but she couldn’t have been a main character because I used to watch that show and I just can’t place her. She is married to a realtor who works for the family business (Hilton & Hyland) has four daughters ranging from ages 2 – 21, three with her current husband and one from a previous marriage. I love her big bracelets and big rings, but the stripper heels aren’t really working for me.

Camille GrammerCamille Grammer

Camille very recently became the third ex wife of Kelsey Grammar who’s new girlfriend is not only pregnant, but is half her age. She must be pissed about that. Her and Kelsey have a daughter and a son together, both born with a surrogate mother. Her bio describes her as a model, actress, and dancer, but like all the other “model/actress” housewives out there – I’ve never heard of her, or any of the shows or movies she’s supposedly done. She likes to collect rare books. Sounds fascinating… Yawn. Well hey, at least she can read, that’s more than we can say for some of the current Housewives. She suffers from Irritable Bowl Syndrome (I swear I’m not making this up) so there is a chance we might get to see her shit herself sooner or later.


Lisa VanderPumpLisa VanderPump

Aside from having a name that sounds rich and snotty, she is also British. I know many of you are cringing at the thought of another Brit being on the show after enduring the offensive loudmouth known as Cat from DC, but I think this lady might be able to repair some of the damage done to the British reputation. She has two adult children and has been married for almost 29 years. She lived in Monte Carlo and the South of France before moving to California. She owns two restaurants (watch out Sonja), has a skin care line (watch out Ramona) and writes a page each month for Beverly Hills Lifestyle magazine (watch out KKB). Hopefully she will speak clearly and her accent won’t be as frustrating to decipher as Cat’s. The bracelet she is wearing looks just like one Teresa always wears, but I bet this one is actually real – and paid for.

Taylor ArmstrongTaylor Armstrong

Taylor is from Oklahoma and has lived in California for 7 years. She is married to a venture capitalist (another one of those vague terms that may or may not mean “broke scam artist”) from Texas and they have a four year old daughter. From her Bravo Bio:

This Midwestern girl knows how powerful men in Beverly Hills work, so she makes sure that she is always looking her best because she knows that something younger and prettier can always come along and catch her husbands’ eye.

Her hobbies include going out to dinner and gossiping. I’ll give you all 3 guesses how I feel about this one already. If anyone is the fugazi in this group, it’s her.

.

.

Adrienne MaloofAdrienne Maloof

Adrienne is a member of the “Maloof Family Dynasty”. Her family owns the Sacramento Kings. In Lil’ Wayne’s song “I’m Blooded” he has a line where he says “and I own my own team I’m like a Maloof...” You know you’re cool when your name ends up in a hip hop song. Her family also owns the Palms Casino in Las Vegas and Sweeping Palms Entertainment which produced such gems as Living Lohan.  According to her bio she is actively involved in the running of both the sports team and the Casino. Whether or not this is actually true or just something her family let her say to make her bio more interesting, I don’t know. The Maloof Company is one of the largest single shareholders in Wells Fargo Bank. They also have exclusive proprietorship rights to the distribution of Coors, Miller, Corona, Heineken, Red Bull, and Guinness products throughout New Mexico. I think they could have made an entire show just about her family. Her husband is a plastic surgeon and she has three young sons, two of which are twins. She has a degree in political science from the University of New Mexico, but Kelly went to Columbia so degrees don’t really mean much in Housewife World. I love her shoes, hate her dress. She reminds me of Shakira in this picture. And I love me some Shakira.

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This entry was posted in Adrienne Maloof, Camille Grammer, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa VanderPump, Taylor Armstrong, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

26 Responses to A New Kind of Crack To Help Feed Your Addiction – The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

  1. Stephb says:

    I’m actually pumped about this show! Looks like it won’t disappoint. Unlike Jersey and DC I’m interested to see what they do and who they interact with. Sick of watching all the broke bitches too-dc and jersey (it’s almost depressing) but I watch because it’s enjoyable to make fun of them and makes me feel better about my life- they’re on reality tv so it comes with the territory. Also sick of Teresa saying that her family life is private. You asked for it!!!!!

    Btw did you see the clip of jersey cast on today show this morning? Omg Teresa’s outfit is terrible- she’s dressing her part-broke,classless trash!

  2. Snappy says:

    When did Oklahoma become part of the midwestern states?

  3. Meg1964 says:

    I actually remember Kim Richards from Escape To Witch Mountain, and some other sitcoms, etc., that she was on. We were about the same age, I think.

    “She suffers from Irritable Bowl Syndrome (I swear I’m not making this up) so there is a chance we might get to see her shit herself sooner or later.” Another one of those LOL moments where my dog looks at me and tilts her head.

    I’m bummed that we aren’t getting a new RHODC tonight. Now I don’t have anything to watch for my 9pm time slot. 🙂

    • I read about her being in Escape To Witch Mountain but it’s one of those film I’ve never heard of. So maybe she is more semi-famous than I gave her credit for.
      I could care less about RHODC. They bore me. Last week I stared at the computer for an hour before I wrote the re-cap.
      Everything they do has already been in the news forever. Tonight we have to hear about Lolly (hate that name) allegedly stealing Tareq’s car. We already know it wasn’t her, so there is really nothing dramatic or interesting there. I think I might enjoy watching Mary cry though. I can’t stand her.

      • debbie says:

        Put your Hair Up, you said:
        “I think I might enjoy watching Mary cry though. I can’t stand her.”
        all i can add is …lmfao

  4. tuzentswurth says:

    “You should all just divorce your husbands and put your kids up for adoption now, because if Bravo gets their way you will be glued to your tv screen 24 hours a day, looking away only to check the blogs and twitter.”
    RCH, you forgot your disclaimer about drinking liquids! I thought this would be tame b/c after all, the show hasn’t even started. I think I will watch this one!

  5. mscarp says:

    So I’ve been a silent observer of your divine blog for awhile now and am deciding to put my feet in the water and actually comment. Yesterday my older sister called me kinda excited about some BH gossip, if you will. While she doesn’t watch much reality TV (she’s doing something lame like pursue a college education- BORING, I know), she accepts and enables my addictions as any good sister should. I guess her fb was all atwitter following Thursday’s RHoBH premiere. Apparently Taylor Armstrong is actually the former Shana Hughes of Tulsa, Oklahoma. My sis and Taylor/Shana were classmates at Union High School in the 80’s. On bravotv.com you can see some HS pics of her, though none are as interesting as the ones my sis was telling me about when she pulled out her Union yearbook. She has yet to scan any of the pics in of Taylor/Shana, but rest assured the former prom queen looks quite a bit different (read: plastically scary) nowadays. I know, I know, she’s from BH, of course she looks plastic, but after seeing how prettier she was once when she was a Midwesterner (though in truth Oklahoma in actually a Central Southern state, but whatevs) I have to wonder if she’s regretting her social climbing aspirations. BTW, her husband is an ass and reminds me a lot of Alexis’s fugly husband from the OC.

    • Omg I want to see those pics! Taylor’s face is scaaaaary. I’ll have the full description in my recap which should be up later. 😀

      • tuzentswurth says:

        Can’t wait, can’t wait (jumping up and down w/ a glass of wine like our Mary)!

        • mscarp says:

          OK, now my sis will for sure need to put aside her obsessive studying to focus on the important things, like digging up the dirt on former classmates for the benefit of our snarkiness!! I’ll see what I can come up with, ladies. It’s the least I can do. 🙂

          • tuzentswurth says:

            How great to have some insider info to fuel the blog fire here! Yes, your sister should just quit college, the job market is bad anyway and she’ll just fritter away all that money on school when she could be hitting the RCH crack pipe here (I hope you’ve seen the addiction posts).
            Why did Shana change her name to Taylor, who does that shit and why? What makes Taylor a better name than Shana?
            RCH predicted that Taylor is the fugazi of the group and her instincts are amazing (though she may want to reconsider her as a jumla fugmata).
            The venture capitalist=broke scam artist and the (Camille) shitting herself were the biggest laughs for me with this blog. I think these ladies are going to be pure gold!

  6. glued2it says:

    Tuz said:
    Why did Shana change her name to Taylor, who does that shit and why? What makes Taylor a better name than Shana?
    From what I saw back in the 80s when I was living in OK – women Taylor’s age were NOT named Taylor. They named their daughters Taylor. And their Grandmothers thought that name was sooooo classy. I heard that more than once at baby showers. So when Taylor from Oklahoma pops up on RHOBH I knew…she changed her name. She got herself a classy name before moving into Classyville.
    I didn’t like her at first. Or 2nd. Or 3rd. What episode was the Psycho Dinner? That’s when I started sort of liking her.

  7. glued2it says:

    RCH says about Adrienne: I love her shoes, hate her dress.
    Isn’t that the truth about Adrienne?! All season it seems. She has half an outfit that looks GREAT and the other half of her looks, um, like she couldn’t think about more than half an outfit. And I love that and hate that about her. I hate it cuz DANG when you have that much money, if you can’t dress yourself get yourself someone who can! But, I love it cuz she just doesn’t give a damn, lol. She knows she’s more than what she looks like. So she spends SOME effort and then she has to move on to more important matters.

    • Honestly though, she could wear underwear on her head, she’s a Maloof. She can do what she wants and she knows it. I actually loved when she came down to the pool in Vegas in sweats and a visor when everyone else was all fancy looking.

  8. glued2it says:

    So far, if I had to change places with anyone on this show….it would be Lisa Vanderpump. Starting with her name!! What a great last name, lol. I just LUV saying that name. VanDerPump! Pumping along in life, looking great! Roses, mansions, swanky restaurants, a daughter named Pandora!! Ha! Oh, and a rapier wit wrapped in a british accent. Sigh….

  9. Marie says:

    Nice job with the spot-on analyses! Taylor was indeed the most fugazi. She was the most nasty and spiteful, neck and neck to the very end with Camille.

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