Are Your Suffering From a Real Housewife Addiction? There Is Hope.

Do you or does someone you love watch Bravo’s The Real Housewives?

Do you read Real Housewife (also known as RH) related blogs and comment on them, do you follow the RH’s on Twitter, and do you spend the majority of your Twitter time discussing RH related issues? Do you do google searches for news and gossip relating to the RH’s, has your housework suffered, have you been staying up later at night, do you laugh out loud when no one else is around?

Have you begun using words such as “toxic” and “creepy” to describe your friends? Have you found yourself telling people to “zip it” or have you been accusing those around you of channeling certain entities such as devils, vampires, or kabuki’s? Have you been using made up words such as “re-renovate” and “tastemaker”? Have you begun to pronounce the word “please” as “puh-leeze” while taking extreme offense to words and phrases such as “honey” and “pay attention”? Have you come to see gift bags as a threat and table flipping as a normal part of dinner time conversation?
Have you been nodding your head in agreement while reading these questions?

If this sounds like you or someone you know, then you may be suffering from a Real Housewives of Bravo Addiction.

But don’t worry, there is hope in sight, and you are not alone. The kind people here at The Real Housewives of Bravo Addiction Recovery Center can help. Our program combines therapeutic support with tough boundaries and a caring staff who understand what you’re going through. Patients receive around the clock care during their stay and special attention during those critical first days of RH withdraw.

Our program lasts 35 days and for one easy payment of 3 satchels of gold we guarantee you will remain addiction free** and return to the normal productive life you once enjoyed before discovering The Real Housewives. Come check in today and begin getting the help you need to get your life back.

Real Housewives of Bravo Addiction Recovery Center
1979 Feelings Drive
La La Land, USA
401-992-4028

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**Provided that you live in the woods with no cable or internet connection or cell phone service.
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70 Responses to Are Your Suffering From a Real Housewife Addiction? There Is Hope.

  1. MomsThoughts says:

    Dialing the helpline now………………….

  2. MomsThoughts says:

    When your son comes out of anesthesia and the first thing he says is “you call me a clown? You call me a clown – you have red hair” and “a punk is a punk is a punk” – you know its time to put the remote down and step away from the tv…..

  3. Kat says:

    I love the sign “fame addiction down the street”.
    Tell me you offer internet access to the blogs!
    Guess my “problem” is showing. 8) Free to be you and me…

    • We had to put that sign up because sometimes the the reality stars get confused and wonder in looking for treatment.
      One time Bobby and Allison tried to have Jill committed. I tried to tell them that they were in the wrong place but Bobby just kept saying “Come on, I know we can work out a deal, how much do ya want for the month?”
      After the sex tape scandal Danielle’s daughters brought her in. We directed them to the right place to take her but by then Danielle had already picked out a room and began unpacking her things. We tried to coax her out but she just kept screaming at the orderly’s “Do you know who I am?!” and demanding that they bring her a flat screen tv for her room and some sushi. She brought the Mafia with her and we like our knee caps so we let her stay.
      After that we put the sign up.

      • Kat says:

        You are too frigging funny!

        Have the staff watch out for the Guidices. A drunken Juicy is no fun, will not take redirection well and he may ram into your building. I hear he wants to dump Teresa so he’ll be in the area soon. Oh and he won’t have money but will offer an IOU, don’t buy into that no matter how insistant he is that you must accept all patients. If you tell Teresa she’s at the wrong place duck! Spittle will fly as she gets in your face screaming and she’ll call you a rehab whore.

        You’re providing a needed service and I applaud your pluck.

  4. SkeeterDee says:

    hahahahah! how did you find me? I swear I’ve been trying to quit it on my own. srsly. trying to keep up with the Kardashians. feeling a lot like when I got off the wine by switching to bourbon.

  5. Char212 says:

    Thank God, I thought I was the only one! It’s good to know I don’t suffer alone and that there is help out there.

  6. BonBon says:

    I’ll only come if you promise to put my withdrawal, bad moods, despicable behavior on Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab. Afterall, I’m as famous as those people (whose names escape me) he has on his show. Will there be a show? Will I get to have my orange juice and coffee brought to me in the mornings before Group?
    I need to know these things before I have my lawyer send you in my demands for participating. Only then can we talk business.

    • Of course there will be a show. Every embarrassing minute will be captured for the cameras and we will fill your every self important demand.
      Then once you have been cured of your Real Housewives addiction you can head down the street and try to cure your Fame addiction.

    • BonBon says:

      I also do not Tweeter. Do I get a discount?

  7. Snarkella says:

    I should probably make my reservation now, but I have no intention of giving up my addiction. Productivity be damned. My addiction will just have to die a natural death. Hey, I got over American Idol. This too shall pass.

  8. Stephb says:

    I guess admitting you have a problem is the first step! Sign me up!

  9. KirksvilleMo says:

    You are one cleaver girl!On twitter you listed my symptoms in the exact order.These shows need to come with a maid,don’t you think?

  10. Had Enough! says:

    Kadooz to you!

    Wait.

    I just said kadooz.

    OK, what is check-in time?

  11. Meg1964 says:

    Hahahahah…. I’m literally laughing so hard my jiggly parts were shaking! And your sign above the building was so bright and pretty.. unlike the strip mall cosmetic surgeon where Danielle had her boobies done.

    I keep dialing that number, but the person answering is saying “Will you be paying for the auctioned items by cash or major credit cards?” Maybe it’s off a number. I don’t know. I’ll keep calling though, because I know I have a major addiction.

    I need to get off Twitter. I follow like I guess, half of the people I should be following, because there’s some sort of argument or problem happening with a couple of the people I follow, but I can’t get the whole story because I’m not following the other half of the argument. I knew I shouldn’t have gone to bed last night.

    Can I come to your Rehab just for my Twitter addiction? I’m not ready to give up the Hoes, just yet. And since I’m not getting the “Full Addiction Cure”, can you cut me a deal? Like at least 1/2 price. I hear the economy is really bad right now – and my tenants aren’t paying their rent anymore.

  12. Meg1964 says:

    And where is Teresa’s Bravo Blog? Today is Wednesday, FGS! Did she have to re-write it (or have “someone” re-write it for her) after reading Jacqueline’s blog?

    I have a feeling Teresa thinks she is outgrowing Jac and Caroline.. she’s the star of this show – BITCH. And I bet she’s ticked that Jac confronted her about some of her comments in her last blog.

    Go Jac!

    • Teresa was barely in the last episode. Maybe she is throwing a tantrum about not getting enough air time and refusing to write her blog because it would have to actually be about -gasp- other peoples scenes!

      • BonBon says:

        Or, might it just be possible that her attorney finally got through to her to SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU IDIOTIC NEANDERTAL. That every word out of her mouth/word from “her” pen sounds like either a bold faced lie or a cover-up for a previously told BOLD faced lie.

  13. Tam5115 says:

    I need help. I have a real need to see monkey woman crash and burn, for reals.

    I’ll pay three satchels of gold and up you some love and light. Is that better?

  14. Meg1964 says:

    Ok.. I just realized I haven’t seen any tweets by Teresa lately. That bitch done gone and blocked me! I really, really, really want to see her go downnnnnnn.

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  16. MAMAZ says:

    I can stop watching anytime I want.
    I do not have a problem.
    I DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM!
    *sobbing*
    Ok, ok, I have a problem, help me puh-leeze.

    • Good for you! Acceptance is an important part of the recovery process.
      Come right in. We have a bed ready and waiting. The hardest step is the one you take through the front door.
      The good thing to remember about hitting rock bottom, is that there is no where to go but up.

  17. Sardonica says:

    Hi, my Name is Sardonica and I am a RH addict.
    Can I pay in Gummy Bear denominations instead of gold? My satchels are at the cleaners and and I am greatly distressed since NJ season is over and for some reason I am dreaming about clowns and auctions and hilly Italian towns with fat people walking up and down the streets. Can I be helped?

    • You sound pretty far gone… but we have a professional staff who is very good at what they do and I believe they may be able to help you. Because of the current interest rate, and ya know – the economy, if you choose to pay in Gummy Bear denominations instead of gold the price will be 3 1/2 satchels.

  18. Sardonica says:

    The correct response was supposed to be, ” Hi, Sardonica!” at which point you are supposed to hand me some 12 step book with Andy Cohen’s picture on it
    …but you know come to think of it I believe you are stalking me and also your pic looks as if you are channeling a Kabuki doll, or something and why are you on my blog?? I am a professional blogger whereas you only write. I went to The International School Of The Blogging Arts, Berkeley. Where did you go to learn how to type? I have to go and eat lunch now. I am having a grain of rice soaked in Petron…yummy

  19. Meg1964 says:

    I don’t know where to vent this.. but has that damn Cojo gone completely apeshit? He tweets his love for Teresa and how she is the only “real” housewife. And he invited her to go to the Emmy’s with him. I shit you not, I will not watch the Emmy’s if that bitch goes.

  20. tuzentswurth says:

    I don’t need an inpatient room yet, I just need some medication so I can stay up 24 hours/day to read all these blogs. Hell, I don’t even get time to read the dumb bitches bullshit Bravo blogs, because I’m too busy surfing the links here and on Lynn’s site. HELP, send pharmacologics, how many satchels of gold do you want?

  21. Tracy Hunley says:

    This. Was. Hilarious. How did I miss this?

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  23. Thank-God some kind soul re-posted this link on LynnnChicago’s blog.
    The first time that I saw it, I was in serious denial.
    And, there was no way I’d miss the re-union!
    Unfortunately, I have developed a co-dependency, it involves #Twitter.
    The Twitter-thing is even more insidious that RHW, I think, since I’ve been dreaming, speaking, and thinking, in #hashtags, & ampersands.
    Now that @daniellestaub is gone, and after the big hug-out, I think I can make peace with my Real Housewives addiction, and start to detox from it.
    I knew it was bad when I started trying to think of ways that I could work the phrase, “clown dinner”, into conversations, and I realized that I had a problem.
    Thank-you for understanding.

  24. Bea from NJ says:

    OMG! This describes my symptoms exactly! I have not slept since yesterday reading all the juicy gossip on Melissa G. and i really need sleeeeeeep!! Help!!!

  25. Zinger says:

    I dont’ know about addiction but I have read about Danielle STaub and her foreclosures remarks since that is what I blog about (foreclosure defense). I thought it was very interesting and she certainly knows how to shoot from the hip.
    http://su.pr/48eHuY
    I wonder how much food 11 million bucks would buy for poverty ridden America… ???

  26. Deanna says:

    you are so pretty RCH is that realy you or photoshop? Why the glasses, your pretty if it is you, show yourself off.

  27. glued2it says:

    Tuz sent me here, but no, I don’t need re-hab. I can handle this myself.

    See, I don’t Twitter. And only real RH ADDICTS twitter. Plus, I know when to get that drink of water so I don’t dehydrate while reading posts. I love that about me.

    Know this, Honeybitch, if I REALLY thought I had a problem, I’d call on my speakerphone for a private consultation. Until then, I’ll just keep reading & posting & reading & posting & reading & posting AND dreaming of one day going to Camille’s malibu barbie manse for a FABULOUS Pizza Oven Charity Birthday Party PsychicReading Dinnerto find out what Nannies my Hubby is doing and when I’ll die.
    (Did anyone actually see them use that Pizza Oven?? Somehow I missed that after she said it a kabillion times)
    Love & Light & TattiBattiwhatever,
    GLUED

  28. Bea from NJ (sweeetbea on twitter) says:

    I just revisited this entry today … still make me LOL!! 😀

  29. Anonymous says:

    I’ll like to check myself in ASAP, but
    I need to bring my entourage as I don’t feel safe with the other cray cray’s addicts, thank you, please advise.

  30. Ada says:

    Ooops ! That comment about my entourage was me Ada, sorry didn’t want to be “Anonymous”

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