Teresa’s Bravo Blog is finally up, and it’s a total load of crap (you’re shocked, I know.) I added my thoughts in bold if you care to read along with me.
Ciao Bello! (Wouldn’t you think she would write bella seeing as how the majority of her fans are female?)
Well this has been an interesting week as far as press goes. (Interesting is not the word I would use. But she has trouble with the English language so I’ll let it go)I’ve never had so many untrue stories (and by untrue she means things she wishes weren’t true)written about me at one time! I haven’t given a comment to
anyone in the press. (Actually she was giving comments to the press yesterday. You can see it in the video she linked to at the bottom of the page) I’m not going to comment on rumors or lies (aka unpleasant truths). And I love my
Bravo family. I am so grateful for the wonderful opportunities that have also come with
it. In any case, my true friends and true fans know who I am, I answer only to
God (How much you wanna bet she thinks He answers to her?), and I thank you all for your kind wishes, thoughts, and prayers.
This was my absolute favorite episode ever. (Isn’t it funny how the RH’s favorite episodes are always our least favorite?) Even with all the crabby people
around me, even traveling with “babies and old people,” even getting overcharged
at the hotel, it was all worth it (getting overcharged is always worth it when you don’t pay your bills) to be able to introduce Milania and Audriana
to her Italian family.(Didn’t they leave Audriana at the bottom of the hill with the “old people”?) I’ve heard from so many of you that you cried when Joe’s
Nona cried – I did watching it too! She is so sweet! Can you believe she’s 83
years old? Doesn’t she look great? (No. She looks 83.)And isn’t our whole family beautiful? Did you see our gorgeous cousins? You guys need to take a trip to Sala Consilina,
especially if you want to meet hot Italian women or great looking guys! (Her cousins need green cards)
I just love the area. It’s so beautiful. I was so honored (That’s a Kelly word. Have those two secretly been hanging out, or is this just a case of “great” minds think alike?) to be able share our hometown with you. My parents and Joe’s parents came to America around the same time. They had to leave everything behind – except, as you saw, my dad still owns the small house he used to live in, (he had to leave everything behind except the house – which he brought with him?) although it’s empty now. (Of course, why rent it out? It’s not like she needs the money.) It’s my dream to be able to fix it up for him one day… (Maybe she should have spent at least 1 of the 11mil to fix her dads house, if it really was her “dream” for him) Joe was born in Italy and lived there for a year. My mom was pregnant with me when they came to America.(Yes, we know! Shut up about it already!) It was
very hard for them. They didn’t speak English. My mom told me she would cry
herself to sleep at night, wondering why they left Italy. (I think there are a lot of people in Jersey wondering “Why, oh why did the Giudice’s have to leave Italy? Why???!)But they wanted to
come to America – the land of opportunity. You can see we weren’t born with
silver spoons in our mouths! (Did anyone need to see that they weren’t born with silver spoons? I think it’s been pretty clear by the way they behave, no?) My whole family worked so hard from the day they
got here. Slowly, we built our businesses up (What businesses would that be? The construction business which is gone? The slum lord business that is in foreclosure? The Pizzeria business that they just bought?) and we were proud of our success. (11 million dollars in dept = success?)
The economy isn’t great right now (Still blaming the economy? She needs a new PR person. What’s next, the economy was bullying her?) for a lot of people, but it’s not that shocking for us to go back to tightening our belts. (Ah-hem. 60k on curtains. Just sayin.)We grew up that way. Money is just money (but animal print clothing, faux antiques, and gaudy mansions are priceless) Family is everything (after accessories)
It is truly amazing that we had three generations from three different families there
and all of our parents are still married. I loved being able to show you guys
the church Joe’s parents got married in. (Oh yeah, we all just loved that part. Soooo interesting. )Joe and I grew up together in America. His parents brought him to the hospital to meet me the day I was born. (We knoooow! Get some new fucking stories! Geez)After more than 10 years of marriage and 4 kids, of course every day’s not going to be perfect, (Perfect? I haven’t even seen one day that looked decent or tolerable) but we’re both really easygoing (another word she doesn’t know the meaning of) and we make up really quickly (Still waiting to see the part where they make up.) How could you stay mad when you have such a beautiful family? (If she’s counting on looks to get her through this, it is not gonna end well.) I love him. (It doesn’t look like the feeling is mutual) He’s my best friend. Didn’t he look so hot in his scarf?(No, he looked annoyed and pissed off.)
It was hilarious that they showed Joe kicking the suitcases out of the elevator.(She really has an odd sense of humor. Do you suppose she is confusing “hilarious” with another word like tragic or upsetting or inappropriate or unfortunate or embarrassing?)
I don’t know if you’ve ever traveled to Europe with kids, but it’s not very
suitcase friendly! And I didn’t over pack! (Of course not. Everyone packs an entire bag just for hair accessories. Totally normal.) I packed for two adults and four kids, including a baby! I don’t know why Jacqueline said we only took our luggage
because we thought it would get stolen. We were leaving the boat for good.
Everyone had to take their luggage off the boat and into the bus.(Yes, but everyone else left their bags in the room and let the boat staff bring them down – and I know this because it’s what Jacqueline said right before she said that they thought their luggage would get stolen. Pay attention Teresa! Puh-leeez.) guess us
doing it with 4 small kids was just the funniest. (Ok, there are a couple options here: 1. she doesn’t know the definition of the word funny, 2. She is stupid enough to think that scene was actually funny or 3. she thinks that if she pretends to think it was was funny that we’ll all be like “Oh, I was totally horrified by that scene, but I guess I just misinterpreted it”?)
I have to say, I’m a happy person no matter what, even when things are difficult. (Well, ignorance is bliss.)That’s how I live my life. Joe and I have taken our kids to Italy a couple of times, and I’ve been there when I was pregnant. It’s no big deal. Of course,
adding twenty other people and a camera crew to the trip is going to slow things
down and make it harder – did you see how crammed we were in that hot bus? – but
you just have to laugh about the craziness (The craziness” was her children screaming, her husband bitching, and her voice screeching like nails on a chalk board. Of course she can laugh about it – she wasn’t the one being bothered so what does she care?) and appreciate the amazingn sights around
you. We did that entire trip in just 6 days. Hardly enough time for the jet lag
to wear off (So she knew why her daughter was too tired to celebrate her birthday – she just didn’t care?) and not enough time for the babies to adjust. It was a crazy trip, but I love, love, loved it!(It’s a good thing someone did, because it didn’t look like anyone else was too thrilled by the experience.)
I don’t know why Caroline was so crabby.(I can’t imagine why either. Vacationing with Teresa seems like a dream come true.) I know she was sick before we left and
in pain, but she could have stayed home like Dina. (Hear that Caroline?! You should have stayed home with your sister!) What did she think it was going to be like with 20 people and babies? It wasn’t a romantic honeymoon for her and Albert. (No, it was a vacation for Teresa and everyone else was only there to play supporting roles and take care of her children)I don’t know why that shocked her. (I don’t know why either. Caroline should know Teresa well enough by now) And I’m sorry she felt uncomfortable when we were all speaking Italian, but hello, it’s Italy! (Sorry’s don’t count when there is a “but” at the end of them) Her Italian grandfather might not have taught her Italian, but I think she’s had plenty of time over the years to learn it if she wanted to! (WOW. What a bitch. Do you think by “plenty of time” she is implying that Caroline is old, or that she has a lot of time on her hands? Keep defending Teresa, Caroline, keep defending her. You are gonna be eating your words!)
And yes, of course I know what a bidet is. (Still doesn’t explain why she told her children it was a little sink) I just don’t call it by its American
name: “bih-DAY.” It’s an Italian thing, so I call it by its Italian name. (So…. “bih-DAY” is English and “Ooh-ba-day” is Italian?) In any case, I’m kind of glad we don’t use those anymore. My chuckalina definitely doesn’t need a douche! (Why would it when you have one for a husband?)
I’ll be honest, I fast-forwarded through all of the scenes with Danielle. I hope she finds her birth mother, but her life is not part of mine. I don’t really talk or think about her outside the show. (Only 24/7 when the cameras are rolling) Our families never mix. (Except when she chases her through hallways) I wish her all the best in whatever she does next. (Complete and total lie.)
For those of you asking, the dresses the girls wore to our family reunion dinner
were custom made by cillasebastian.com. Check out the website. Her stuff is amazing! (Amazingly horrifying)
Thank you all for continuing to support my book “Skinny Italian.” Now that
you’ve seen my hometown, you see how important it was for me to capture those
recipes and family traditions to pass down to my own kids. (Do you think her grandmother gets any royalties?) It’s my love letter
to my mom and my four beautiful daughters. (Her love letter to her mother is a bunch of recipes that her mother taught her?)I’m so honored to share it with you all, and I love to hear from you about your own families!
To everyone I met this week at appearances, I love you. You are gorgeous! If you
haven’t had a chance to come out to a book signing – I’m working on more
national appearances, I promise! – Here’s a little peek as to what it’s like. A
mom in the crowd at Barnes and Noble last night in Deptford, NJ took this video (I
had no idea!), but pretend it was you in line, I’m smiling at you, and telling
you I love, love, love you!
Check my website www.teresagiudice.com for my latest news and schedule. There are also gorgeous pictures from inside my book, a list of the recipes, the table of contents, etc. And yes, it’s a great book for vegetarians, gluten-free diets, and I include all the nutritional info with each recipe.
And follow me on Twitter @Teresa_Giudice! I read each and every message (Good, so she does see what I send her!) and
answer as many as I can. Muah!
Tanti Baci, <— One of 3 things Teresa knows how to say in Italian