Teresa Writes Another Bullshit Bravo Blog

Teresa’s Bravo Blog is finally up, and it’s a total load of crap (you’re shocked, I know.) I added my thoughts in bold if you care to read along with me.

Ciao Bello! (Wouldn’t you think she would write bella seeing as how the majority of her fans are female?)

Well this has been an interesting week as far as press goes. (Interesting is not the word I would use. But she has trouble with the English language so I’ll let it go)I’ve never had so many untrue stories (and by untrue she means things she wishes weren’t true)written about me at one time! I haven’t given a comment to
anyone in the press. (Actually she was giving comments to the press yesterday. You can see it in the video she linked to at the bottom of the page) I’m not going to comment on rumors or lies (aka unpleasant truths). And I love my
Bravo family. I am so grateful for the wonderful opportunities that have also come with
it. In any case, my true friends and true fans know who I am, I answer only to
God (How much you wanna bet she thinks He answers to her?), and I thank you all for your kind wishes, thoughts, and prayers.

This was my absolute favorite episode ever. (Isn’t it funny how the RH’s favorite episodes are always our least favorite?) Even with all the crabby people
around me, even traveling with “babies and old people,” even getting overcharged
at the hotel, it was all worth it (getting overcharged is always worth it when you don’t pay your bills) to be able to introduce Milania and Audriana
to her Italian family.(Didn’t they leave Audriana at the bottom of the hill with the “old people”?) I’ve heard from so many of you that you cried when Joe’s
Nona cried – I did watching it too! She is so sweet! Can you believe she’s 83
years old? Doesn’t she look great? (No. She looks 83.)And isn’t our whole family beautiful? Did you see our gorgeous cousins? You guys need to take a trip to Sala Consilina,
especially if you want to meet hot Italian women or great looking guys! (Her cousins need green cards)

I just love the area. It’s so beautiful. I was so honored (That’s a Kelly word. Have those two secretly been hanging out, or is this just a case of “great” minds think alike?) to be able share our hometown with you. My parents and Joe’s parents came to America around the same time. They had to leave everything behind – except, as you saw, my dad still owns the small house he used to live in, (he had to leave everything behind except the house – which he brought with him?) although it’s empty now. (Of course, why rent it out? It’s not like she needs the money.) It’s my dream to be able to fix it up for him one day… (Maybe she should have spent at least 1 of the 11mil to fix her dads house, if it really was her “dream” for him) Joe was born in Italy and lived there for a year. My mom was pregnant with me when they came to America.(Yes, we know! Shut up about it already!) It was
very hard for them. They didn’t speak English. My mom told me she would cry
herself to sleep at night, wondering why they left Italy. (I think there are a lot of people in Jersey wondering “Why, oh why did the Giudice’s have to leave Italy? Why???!)But they wanted to
come to America – the land of opportunity. You can see we weren’t born with
silver spoons in our mouths! (Did anyone need to see that they weren’t born with silver spoons? I think it’s been pretty clear by the way they behave, no?) My whole family worked so hard from the day they
got here. Slowly, we built our businesses up (What businesses would that be? The construction business which is gone? The slum lord business that is in foreclosure? The Pizzeria business that they just bought?) and we were proud of our success. (11 million dollars in dept = success?)
The economy isn’t great right now (Still blaming the economy? She needs a new PR person. What’s next, the economy was bullying her?) for a lot of people, but it’s not that shocking for us to go back to tightening our belts. (Ah-hem. 60k on curtains. Just sayin.)We grew up that way. Money is just money (but animal print clothing, faux antiques, and gaudy mansions are priceless) Family is everything (after accessories)

It is truly amazing that we had three generations from three different families there
and all of our parents are still married. I loved being able to show you guys
the church Joe’s parents got married in. (Oh yeah, we all just loved that part. Soooo interesting. )Joe and I grew up together in America. His parents brought him to the hospital to meet me the day I was born. (We knoooow! Get some new fucking stories! Geez)After more than 10 years of marriage and 4 kids, of course every day’s not going to be perfect, (Perfect? I haven’t even seen one day that looked decent or tolerable) but we’re both really easygoing (another word she doesn’t know the meaning of) and we make up really quickly (Still waiting to see the part where they make up.) How could you stay mad when you have such a beautiful family? (If she’s counting on looks to get her through this, it is not gonna end well.) I love him. (It doesn’t look like the feeling is mutual) He’s my best friend. Didn’t he look so hot in his scarf?(No, he looked annoyed and pissed off.)

It was hilarious that they showed Joe kicking the suitcases out of the elevator.(She really has an odd sense of humor. Do you suppose she is confusing “hilarious” with another word like tragic or upsetting or inappropriate or unfortunate or embarrassing?)
I don’t know if you’ve ever traveled to Europe with kids, but it’s not very
suitcase friendly! And I didn’t over pack! (Of course not. Everyone packs an entire bag just for hair accessories. Totally normal.) I packed for two adults  and four kids, including a baby! I don’t know why Jacqueline said we only took our luggage
because we thought it would get stolen. We were leaving the boat for good.
Everyone had to take their luggage off the boat and into the bus.(Yes, but everyone else left their bags in the room and let the boat staff bring them down – and I know this because it’s what Jacqueline said right before she said that they thought their luggage would get stolen. Pay attention Teresa! Puh-leeez.) guess us
doing it with 4 small kids was just the funniest. (Ok, there are a couple options here: 1. she doesn’t know the definition of the word funny, 2. She is stupid enough to think that scene was actually funny or 3. she thinks that if she pretends to think it was was funny that we’ll all be like “Oh, I was totally horrified by that scene, but I guess I just misinterpreted it”?)

I have to say, I’m a happy person no matter what, even when things are difficult. (Well, ignorance is bliss.)That’s how I live my life. Joe and I have taken our kids to Italy a couple of times, and I’ve been there when I was pregnant. It’s no big deal. Of course,
adding twenty other people and a camera crew to the trip is going to slow things
down and make it harder – did you see how crammed we were in that hot bus? – but
you just have to laugh about the craziness (The craziness” was her children screaming, her husband bitching, and her voice screeching like nails on a chalk board. Of course she can laugh about it – she wasn’t the one being bothered so what does she care?) and appreciate the amazingn sights around
you. We did that entire trip in just 6 days. Hardly enough time for the jet lag
to wear off (So she knew why her daughter was too tired to celebrate her birthday – she just didn’t care?) and not enough time for the babies to adjust. It was a crazy trip, but I love, love, loved it!(It’s a good thing someone did, because it didn’t look like anyone else was too thrilled by the experience.)

I don’t know why Caroline was so crabby.(I can’t imagine why either. Vacationing with Teresa seems like a dream come true.) I know she was sick before we left and
in pain, but she could have stayed home like Dina. (Hear that Caroline?! You should have stayed home with your sister!) What did she think it was going to be like with 20 people and babies? It wasn’t a romantic honeymoon for her and Albert. (No, it was a vacation for Teresa and everyone else was only there to play supporting roles and take care of her children)I don’t know why that shocked her. (I don’t know why either. Caroline should know Teresa well enough by now) And I’m sorry she felt uncomfortable when we were all speaking Italian, but hello, it’s Italy! (Sorry’s don’t count when there is a “but” at the end of them) Her Italian grandfather might not have taught her Italian, but I think she’s had plenty of time over the years to learn it if she wanted to! (WOW. What a bitch. Do you think by “plenty of time” she is implying that Caroline is old, or that she has a lot of time on her hands? Keep defending Teresa, Caroline, keep defending her. You are gonna be eating your words!)

And yes, of course I know what a bidet is. (Still doesn’t explain why she told her children it was a little sink) I just don’t call it by its American
name: “bih-DAY.” It’s an Italian thing, so I call it by its Italian name. (So…. “bih-DAY” is English and “Ooh-ba-day” is Italian?) In any case, I’m kind of glad we don’t use those anymore. My chuckalina definitely doesn’t need a douche! (Why would it when you have one for a husband?)

I’ll be honest, I fast-forwarded through all of the scenes with Danielle. I hope she finds her birth mother, but her life is not part of mine. I don’t really talk or think about her outside the show. (Only 24/7 when the cameras are rolling) Our families never mix. (Except when she chases her through hallways) I wish her all the best in whatever she does next. (Complete and total lie.)

For those of you asking, the dresses the girls wore to our family reunion dinner
were custom made by cillasebastian.com. Check out the website. Her stuff is amazing! (Amazingly horrifying)

Thank you all for continuing to support my book “Skinny Italian.” Now that
you’ve seen my hometown, you see how important it was for me to capture those
recipes and family traditions to pass down to my own kids. (Do you think her grandmother gets any royalties?) It’s my love letter
to my mom and my four beautiful daughters. (Her love letter to her mother is a bunch of recipes that her mother taught her?)I’m so honored to share it with you all, and I love to hear from you about your own families!

To everyone I met this week at appearances, I love you. You are gorgeous! If you
haven’t had a chance to come out to a book signing – I’m working on more
national appearances, I promise! – Here’s a little peek as to what it’s like. A
mom in the crowd at Barnes and Noble last night in Deptford, NJ took this video (I
had no idea!), but pretend it was you in line, I’m smiling at you, and telling
you I love, love, love you!


Check my website www.teresagiudice.com for my latest news and schedule. There are also gorgeous pictures from inside my book, a list of the recipes, the table of contents, etc. And yes, it’s a great book for vegetarians, gluten-free diets, and I include all the nutritional info with each recipe.

And follow me on Twitter @Teresa_Giudice! I read each and every message (Good, so she does see what I send her!) and
answer as many as I can. Muah!

Tanti Baci, <— One of 3 things Teresa knows how to say in Italian


This entry was posted in BS Bravo Blogs, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Recaps, Teresa Giudice, Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

54 Responses to Teresa Writes Another Bullshit Bravo Blog

  1. MomsThoughts says:

    What ever she thought a bidet was – oh bid dah – is not how it is pronounced in any language. Such class and sophistication…must be from her frequent travels to Italy.

    Noticed no one invited her in? They didn’t want the kids all washing their hands in their oh-bid-dahs ! LMAO!

    And no, Joe didn’t look hot – he looked drunk —>hungover —–> pissed off —–>drunk

    Thank God you had the crowded bus so Joe wasn’t driving on those streets.

  2. Pingback: Tweets that mention Teresa Writes Another Bullshit Bravo Blog | -- Topsy.com

  3. boston02127 says:

    Excellnt blog. Your comments are very funny.

  4. Squirrels says:

    Table flippin’ hilarious!

  5. Laura aka Just done says:

    My sides are aching right now…thanks, been a rough day and I needed that laugh! 🙂

  6. dumberries says:

    Awesome! You know what we’re thinking as we read through the pile of lies, rationalizations, and self promotion. Perfect…

  7. Thanks guys! Nice to know everyone feels the same way I do.
    I read her blogs with my mouth open like “Wtf…. you can’t be serious!” This woman is beyond unbelievable.

    • kats2 says:

      I’m so happy you do this, I would prefer not to give Bravo or her blog the traffic or the direct read so this feels me on the fresh excuses on all the horrible things we watched but you nail every comment with exactly what I was thinking while watching the show or reading the blog.

      I have to say, something must have happened between Caroline and Teresa at the reunion because she took more than a couple jabs at Caroline in her blog. Maybe, just maybe during the reunion Caroline called Teresa out for starting the problems with Danielle and connected the dots that Ashely would not be in trouble for pulling hair IF Teresa didn’t start it.

  8. Lisa says:

    Teresa is so defensive. Why would she talk like that about Caroline. She needs to grow up!

  9. Need a Hobby says:

    Teresa’s blog is such a staggeringly incredible load of bullshit. RCH, your commentary is the highlight, of course. Obviously, T thinks people are so stupid they’ll buy her ridiculous spin and not see her utter awfulness.

    What Teresa has called “rumors” and “lies” are actual documented facts: the bankruptcy, her spending sprees right before and right after filing for bankruptcy, the scheduled auction of their household goods, Juicy’s drunk driving.

    And who doesn’t think Teresa (or one of her buds speaking for her) was most likely Rob Shuter’s source for his article on how poor put upon Teresa is upset that because of her “stardom” people are all up in her financial bidness? She and her husband file for bankruptcy—-a public proceeding—and thinks no one will ever find out? She wanted the spotlight, she got it. Wonder how Rob feels about T’s burning him and his article.

    Wasn’t it Teresa who said how stupid it was of Danielle to go on a TV show with all her personal baggage? Karma.

  10. Meg1964 says:

    “This was my absolute favorite episode ever. Even with all the crabby people
    around me, even traveling with “babies and old people,” even getting overcharged
    at the hotel, it was all worth it to be able to introduce Milania and Audriana
    to her Italian family.” <—-her Italian family??? Huh? I swear it sounds like Teresa wrote this shit.. but what's up with "her Italian family"?

    • Meg1964 says:

      See… I wrote that while jacked up on Ambien – munching on some God awful stale potato chips. So, it really doesn’t make sense now that I read it. But, the point I was trying to make is the use of the word “her” when describing Teresa’s Italian family. If Teresa wrote the blog, wouldn’t she have written “my Italian family”?

      • tuzentswurth says:

        I didn’t quite “get” how Joe’s family was visited as family, but Teresa just waved from a balcony to visit her family. Did anyone else find that odd?

  11. Meg1964 says:

    She also stated in a previous episode, that she named Milania after Milan, because that was where she was conceived. Now in every scene since, she keeps saying “I was pregnant with Milaaaaaaaaaaaania the last time we were in Itly (no “a”).

    Great blog, btw… Sorry, I didn’t tell you in my first post. Middle of the night rage here. 🙂

    • Lol. Actually she didn’t say Milania was conceived in Milan, that’s what a normal person would come to believe from the statements she made. But what she actually said was that she was in Milan while pregnant and that’s why she chose that name. She was also in North Jersey, New York, and Sala Chuckalina while pregnant with Milania. So there is really no significance to naming her after Milan.

      • Meg1964 says:

        I really think she said that either right before they left for Italy or right after they arrived in Italy. I’m sure I’ll probably watch the episode again, eventually.

        I just looked up bidet. It’s not an Italian thing, as Teresa said. It’s a “French thing”. LOL

        • I know, Bidet is a French word. We don’t have a different name for it, we use the French name. I don’t know for sure if they call it something different in Italian, but I’m pretty sure everyone uses the French name.
          I wonder how Teresa thinks you say Ballet, brunette, and deja vu in English?
          Another French word we like to use in English: Fuax
          She should be very familiar with that one.

          Hey, now that Teresa knows these are all French words, you do think she will claim to be fluent in that language too?

          • Meg1964 says:


            Speaking of Teresa speaking other languages.. I read a post by some moron on Facebook that said that Teresa should’ve spoken some Spanish while she was on George Lopez, for her Cuban fans.

            I swear it’s there. I couldn’t make that up. Why would anybody think Teresa could speak Spanish when she hasn’t mastered either of the two she claims to speak? (Italian and English).

            She’s just an idiot.

            “Rerenorvate” – I love it when she massacres that word.

          • kats2 says:

            It’s called a Bidet throughout all of Europe. There is no Italian word that I know of or that was used by local Italians while I was in Italy. And they are still used today throughout Europe and in the US.

            In addition to the total ignorance of the Parents in that scene (you just know these kids are playing against all odds with them as parents). But that the kids were playing and touching the bidet as if it was in Barbies Dream House. YUCK!!

      • BonBon says:

        Sneaking suspicion she named Milania after the boastful, braggart, soulmate of hers: Donald Trump’s newest wife. Teresa is so pretentious, she actually thinks that people admire Trump because of his money. And, so too, everyone should admire her for her………hmm…let me think now…..pretense of having money.
        Your recap had me LOL. You hit every single nail squarely on the PROVERBIAL head. That’s a new word I learned from the one that looks like a spawn from Planet of the Apes. You know…the one that also “stars” in the cirque de oh-ba-day with the other woman.
        You know, if Dunyelle is gonna get her words mixed up, she could at least make an attempt to pluralize woman with say, womans.
        Hopefully the reunion will see the demise of every single one of these pretentious losers. Maybe then I can finally get my life back and stop being ashamed to have lived in NJ for 25 years.

  12. Meg1964 says:

    I wonder if something happened on the Dr. Phil show that made Caroline look better than Teresa, and the dimwit realized it? Cause she has spoken negatively (IMO) of Caroline before, but this blog takes the cake. I hope Caroline reads it.

    Also, I love how she is now using the line that the book is a love letter to her mom and daughters. Yeah, Kate Gosselin tried that one and her book flopped. When I heard Teresa saying that on the video, all I could think is “That damn book has been out for months and this is the first time I’ve heard you refer to it as a love letter to your mom and daughters”.

    My despise for this woman is not healthy. I need an interevention.

    • Yes! The love letter line was Kate Gosselins idea first! I KNEW it sounded familiar! You are right, this is the first time Teresa has said this in all the time the book has been out. I didn’t realize it at first because I knew I had heard that line before, but I just realized it wasn’t Teresa I heard it from.

      Lol @ middle of the night rage btw

      • Meg1964 says:

        Maybe Teresa thinks if she starts saying things that Kate Gosselin has said/done, she’ll get to be on DWTS.

        Is that you in your avatar? If so, you look just like Reese Witherspoon! (And that’s a compliment, by the way).

    • BonBon says:

      I feel for you. I think we need a group intervention. Maybe we can get someone who sees all sides of the situation like….Kim G. I can just hear her screaming at us : “Calm down. CALM down. CALM DOWN. CALM DOWN!!!!!!!!” Wouldn’t she be perfect?
      On second thought, perhaps Albie might be better at this. And hey, he could find his true calling, because I just can’t see him in shark gear. He really is too nice.

  13. Tam5115 says:

    “I don’t know why Caroline was so crabby.(I can’t imagine why either. Vacationing with Teresa seems like a dream come true.) I know she was sick before we left and
    in pain, but she could have stayed home like Dina. (Hear that Caroline?! You should have stayed home with your sister!) What did she think it was going to be like with 20 people and babies? It wasn’t a romantic honeymoon for her and Albert.”

    I didn’t realize that Teresa was in charge of what the trip should/could be for anyone else except for her and Joe. She wasn’t treating anyone to a free trip to Italy. This was not her trip or her place to decide what anyone else did or didn’t do!

    If Albert and Caroline wanted to have romantic dinners and time spent alone, that’s their right. Teresa chose to bring all her children and she and Joe are responsible for them. Caroline should have told Teresa where to get off when they foisted their children on her and Albert. My God, the fact that Teresa KNEW Caroline was in pain and still made her watch her brats is unforgivable.

  14. Tam5115 says:

    Seriously, I can’t believe Teresa had the nerve to write that in her blog! Caroline should be really pissed.

    I loathe Teresa more than I do Jill Zarin or Kelly Beninsane… and that’s saying something.

  15. Amber...Real Housewife says:

    Totally Awesome! Great answer to her blog.

    That destitution whore is just annoying, with her deceptive talk that her loyal fans want to believe. They are a little slow, but even they know she feeding them bs. Uhh hello, bankrupty records and dui convictions are not lies. The clothes she made the kids wear for the final dinner in Italy were hideous. It bordered on child abuse and the authorities may need to be called. Or at least the fashion police for toddlers and wannabe tweens. But then again, those girls have worn every conceivable shade of animal print, while modeling their mother’s line of overpriced hair accessories, which can be purchased at your local dollar store. For “a dolla”. Not 20+ dollars.

    I thought JizzyJoe was a pimp in a thimble, but Theresa is a hooking whore, that will sell anything or sell out anybody in order to further herself. i.e. her husband, her friend Caroline, her BRAVO bosses etc. Not only does she throw them under the bus, but she takes the wheel, shifts reverse, then drive AND does donuts on their broken bloody carcasses. That’s just the type of girl she is. Joisey style bitches!

    • tuzentswurth says:

      ROFLMAO Destitution whore! That is great! And those hideous dress/costumes. Still LOL……………………

  16. Snarkella says:

    LOL!!! Love your blog! And all the comments are just as funny. This is the only entertaining part of RHONJ. The blogs and comments. Priceless.

  17. CdnFillie says:

    Love reading this blog .. I’m still waiting for the Karma Train on some of these HW’s and being a Saggitarius, I have lots of patience

  18. Need a dose of reality says:

    What do you all think of Teresa putting her spawn Milania 4 years old, on Twitter??
    Milania is as bad tempered and big mouth like her mother, chip off the old block!

  19. krone says:

    Milania is the only known feral child in captivity and as such should be carefully studied, not confined in close quarters w/ sentient, semi-sentient beings; Gabriella is most like a human child and must be the one they used the fertility clinic for. (Perhaps they impregnated The Bitch with a human embryo and now the nature part is covered, whatever bad behavior we see falls on the “nurture” side of the equation.) I thought the Bitch said she was conceived in Milan also but then, this is Wednesday and the story may vary day to day.
    Loved your take on her blog; I avoid the Bravo website also; don’t want to encourage them by increasing their traffic.

    • Lol.
      Actually Teresa said they visited Milan (among other places) while she was pregnant with her, not that she was conceived there. But I understand why a rational person would be confused by her statements.
      Thanks, glad you enjoyed the blog!

  20. krone says:

    It’s very hard to understand T. She delights in “speaking her own language” and I don’t understand Neanderthal thus, I often make mistakes in translating to English

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