The Real Housewives of New Jersey Are Better Than Ambien

The show starts off with Jacqueline and Chris going over to Teresa’s house for dinner. This was after Joe’s car accident and Jacqueline states that her and Chris were at dinner with Joe before the accident and he was not drinking so she was shocked that he got into such a bad accident. Jacqueline is a bad liar. And so is Dina who last night claimed on twitter that she was the one who paid for the fur jackets that Teresa’s girls wear in this episode. Suuuuure Dina…. Just like Joe’s parents “own” the pizzeria and the 10k they receive every month is a “gift” from family.

Teresa says she’s glad Joe is ok because her and the girls still need him. I guess that means he doesn’t have a life insurance policy.

I am starting to wonder what is so amazing about this diner that we see in every episode. If I ever find myself in Jersey I think I will have to check it out just to ease my curiosity. Danny tells Danielle about Joe’s accident and she is so happy that he not only got arrested, but was out at 2am without his wife. I know she just can’t wait to throw this in Teresa’s face the next time they get into an argument. She even goes so far as to imply that he may have been at a strip club. You know she is gonna have a field day with this and the rumors she can create out of it.

Joe continues to tell Jacqueline and Chris the fake story in front of the cameras and they don’t do a great job at pretending that they haven’t already heard the real version of the story and rehearsed their lies for the fake version. These people are trying to act and are failing miserably.

Chris, who actually seems somewhat intelligent, does not look very happy about being dragged into their lies.

Team Manzo gets together and pretends to come up with the idea to go to Italy, as though it wasn’t already planned and they didn’t already have their plane tickets and hotel reservations at the time this was shot. I feel insulted that Bravo is trying to pass this garbage off as reality.

Caroline visits her husband at work and the first thing he says to her is “Why are you here?” None of the husbands on this show seem to like their wives.
They both pretend that he doesn’t already know about the Italy trip. Albert knows that Joe and Teresa’s kids are brats and doesn’t want them to come. I don’t blame him. But Bravo is offering them a free trip to Italy, so obviously he isn’t going to turn it down.

Now we get to watch Jacqueline pretend to ask her husband if they can go to Italy and I am beginning to wonder if the women have replaced talking about Danielle with talking about Italy.

Teresa and Joe, who I imagine have never spent more than a night away from their young children, tell the kids (as a joke) that they are going away on vacation without them. The kids get upset at the thought of their parents leaving them behind and start crying. Teresa and Joe think this is just the funniest thing.

We have to watch a few more scenes of the couples discussing their trip to Italy. I truly feel bad for whoever had to edit this footage, because if this the best they got, I wouldn’t want to see what didn’t make the cut.

Teresa says that her mother came to America when she was 4 months pregnant with her but that she didn’t know she was pregnant. I don’t believe that bullshit for a second. She knew she was pregnant and they came to the States in order to make their daughter a US citizen and get a free pass to live in America. I wouldn’t be surprised if they conceived Teresa for the sole purpose of using her as a green card. This whole family is nothing but scammers and liars.

Now, after suffering through watching each woman pretend to ask her husband if they can go on the trip, we have to watch each of them prepare for the trip. You would think a trip to Italy would be enough to fill up at least two full episodes, but these people are so boring they couldn’t even make an Italian vacation interesting. So now we have to watch them pack. And of course they can’t even do that without bringing up Danielle’s name.

Albert doesn’t seem like a happy man. Even a trip to Italy isn’t enough to get him to smile or show emotion. He refuses to pack and basically tells Caroline that if she wants him to go on this trip so that they can pretend to be a happy couple for the cameras then she better pack for him.

Teresa says what happens in Italy stay in Italy. No dumbass, that’s Vegas. And nothing stays anywhere when you have a 10 person camera crew following you around.

We are now half way through the episode and they finally get to Italy.
We see them walking though the airport, picking up their luggage, driving in a van, and taking pictures of each other. Exciting! Teresa says that Venice is a town made on water, but she says it in the form of a question, as though she’s not sure.

They all go on gondola rides. Joe could care less. He is miserable and complaining and being rude to Teresa. Normally I would be disgusted watching a man behave this way towards his wife but in this case, I understand it. If he would have pushed her overboard I wouldn’t have blamed him.

The old people are tired, Joe is hungry, and Teresa is bankrupt financially and morally. But she doesn’t care. She wants to go to Chanel and nothing and no one is going to stop her.
Lucky for Joe, Chanel was closed. But Teresa still managed to find a way to waste money on something ugly and tacky.

Maybe he just misspoke, but when Joe was discussing his accident with Chris he said “When we hit….” Just found that interesting. Chris states the obvious and tells Joe that if Teresa had been in the car with him during his accident she might have got hurt. Joe stares off into the distance for a moment with a sort of “Hmmmm” look on his face, then a little smile creeps onto his lips, and then he looks down at his drink. I can only assume that for a moment he had a vision of how nice his life would be without her.

And just when I though Danielle might not be the star of this episode; the two men, hundreds of miles from home having drinks on a cruise ship in Italy bring up her name. Of course! Now we know that even the men have nothing to say to each other unless they are talking about Danielle. They should all send Danielle a big “thank you” card.

Teresa has no problem walking around in public in her bathrobe. She decides to give her parents a break from watching the kids for a day and pawn them off on Caroline instead.

Caroline is thinking exactly what the rest of us think when we watch these little brats. You know it took every ounce of self control she has not to smack one of them.

This episode is so boring I’m actually wishing Kelly would show up. But we don’t have to see Trashley or hear about Albie and his learning disability so at least they gave us that.

Teresa says she wants to make her daughter happy on her birthday. But as usual the only person Teresa wants to make happy is herself. Her daughters are tired and cranky and I’m sure they would much rather be laying in bed in comfortable clothes watching tv. But Teresa doesn’t care. If they ever go broke for real (You know that 11mil is buried in the back yard) Teresa would be the kind of mother who would spend the grocery money on cute clothes for the kids while letting them go hungry.

Teresa says she was mortified. As she should be. But for totally different reasons.

Jacqueline skipped the dinner because she had a hangover. They all discuss how Jac is finally being herself on this trip, and it’s no nice to see her back to her old fun self. Because apparently her brief friendship with Danielle that ended a year ago is still affecting her. I guess if Teresa breaks a nail in the next scene she will find a way to blame that on Danielle too.
And finally the torture ends. If I weren’t writing a blog, I would have stopped watching this episode half way through.

Next week we get to watch Joe continue to be mean to Teresa while they all make Italy appear to be the most boring place on earth. Can’t wait.

Here is my version of Teresa’s Bravo Blog for this episode

This entry was posted in Ashley Holmes, Caroline Manzo, Danielle Staub, Dina Manzo, Jacqueline Laurita, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Recaps, Teresa Giudice, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to The Real Housewives of New Jersey Are Better Than Ambien

  1. Stephb says:

    Am I the only one who thinks that teresa’s kids would benefit from a nanny? Maybe if she spent some money on help raising her kids instead of clothes( or pretending to be a super mom when really her parents are helping ) they might have a chance. She’s already demonstrated that she is too self absorbed to raise them herself.

  2. I think she should go a step further and just put them in foster care. They’d be better off.

  3. JenD says:

    Is it me or Caroline’s house is as empty as Teresa’s. Maybe they just move in or don’t like clutter, that bedrooom is bare. Caroline you’re a woman, just like your facorite designers makes dresses, they also create beautiful home decor.

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