Kelly Translator Vol. 1

Like many people on planet earth, I have a difficult time understanding the words of Kelly Killoren Bensimon. But I have studied, and rewatched footage, and followed her twitter, and I think that I am beginning to understand her language. Either that, or I am loosing my mind. Anyway, here is my attempt to make sense of KKB with my Kelly Translator, or as LynnNchicago said, A Kelly To English Dictionary:

Satchels of Gold:
Similar to a money tree.
It is a reference to the fact that she feels like people think she doesn’t work for her money and just has bags of gold (aka Gilles Bensimon’s bank account) lying around.
Example:
“Satchels of gold”
= “I work hard for my money”

Knives on the tongue / to be filled with knives:
Meaning someone has a sharp wit and can hurt you with their words.

I’m up here, and you’re down here:
Unlike the popular meaning “I’m better than you”, in Kellyspeak it means that you are stooping to an unnecessary level in the argument and that she isn’t going to go there.
Example:
“I’m up here and you’re down here” = “I’m going to rise above the cattiness and not sink down to the level of name calling”

Madonna:
The worst insult you could possibly say to a person, worthy of holding a grudge for 2 years, possibly longer.

Chef:
Anyone -with the exclusion of Bethanny Frankel- who has worked in a restaurant, caters dinners, or has personally cooked for Kelly.

Creepy:
A word meaning that you are confused, or don’t understand something.
Example:
1 – “It’s creepy that Bethanny calls herself a chef” = “I don’t understand why Bethanny calls herself a chef because I was under the impression that she was a cook.”

2 – “Alex delivering the message to Jill was creepy” = “I don’t understand why Alex delivered that message to Jill instead of telling Bethanny to tell her herself.”

Literally:
Metaphorically
Example:
“She literally tried to claw my eyes out” = “I feel like she wants to claw my eyes out. Not literally of course, but you know what I mean.”

Banter:
When a group of 3 or more people are involved in a fast paced conversation or discussion, especially if they speak loudly, and interrupt one another.

Systematic Bullying:
When a group of women refuses to celebrate you, give you constant unwavering attention, or listen intently to everything you have to say without interruption.

Gummy Bears:
Methamphetamine
Also known as meth, ice, crystal, tina

This is all I have for now. It is a work in progress. If you have any translations to add, or have another word/phrase you would like translated, please leave a comment and let me know.

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This entry was posted in Funny Stuff, Kelly Bensimon, Real Housewives of New York and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Kelly Translator Vol. 1

  1. LynnNChicago says:

    Nice job! I think that you have a good grasp on Kelly’s reality, I’m just worried sick about you, the more you study the psycho, the more you’ll get on you.

    Just be sure that while you’re defining these terms in Kelly’s reality, you don’t forget what they REALLY mean.

    Keep up the great work just be sure to stay real and celebrate yourself 🙂

  2. felony stupid says:

    Brills!!! I spit out my lunch with the gummy bear definition. This is simply fantastic.

  3. Thanks guys. I’m glad you liked it.

  4. emt2 says:

    Hilarious!

  5. Pingback: Fans of Kelly Bensimon’s Youtube Videos Are About To Have Their Dreams Come True |

  6. ThugInACocktailDress says:

    @RCH LOLz!!! love it 🙂 i know this is almost a year old but i just found it..i have some requests tho? can u please translate/define the following for me: 1.) “Kabuki Vampire”, 2.) “breakthrough” as opposed to “breakdown”, 3.) the “volume meter”, as in turning it down when i don’t like what u r saying/ turning it back up when i agree. And more relevant to the current season, “making sand angels”-i am putting my finger in my ear and going to go make sand angels as opposed to address an issue which makes me uncomfortable, as i avoid confrontation. u r attacking me so i’m gonnaa run away to make sand angels..byeeee

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