The Real Housewives of New Jersey Ep 7 a.k.a. The Danielle Show

The show starts where we left off, at the restaurant with Dina and Danielle. At first I thought Dina only called this meeting to get more air time, but seeing as how Dina chose to leave the show shortly after this scene, I now believe that she actually thought this meeting was a good idea. Dina seems like a nice lady, but calling someone to meet you so that you can tell them that you don’t want to talk to them is a little counterproductive. She really should have just sent an email. Oh, wait, she did that too.

Both the ladies are talking, neither one is listening to the other one, and Dina storms out with nothing being resolved (shocker). D calls her thugs who are waiting in the parking lot to come inside because she needs them. I’m thinking that D just likes to play up the “protection” angle because it sounds cool and creates drama. But in reality I think all she wants is someone to be there for her so she isn’t alone following yet another confrontation with someone telling her how much they dislike her. She just wants to know that someone is on her side. It’s kinda sad actually.

You know the saying “Never argue with an imbecile, because the people watching can’t tell the difference”? Well that’s how I’m feeling about this show. I started off thinking Danielle was the crazy one, but now I just can’t tell the difference.

The next scene is the women and their families going pumpkin picking (Yawn). Last episode we watched the Manzo’s vow to never mention D’s name again and toast to it. We are now a mere 7 minutes into the show and guess who Caroline and Jacqueline talking about – Danielle! Jaqueline is teaching her young son the art of clever insults and how to be disrespectful to women. Not even two minutes later, and now Teresa is trash talking Danielle too. For all the complaining these women do about D, they should be thanking her. Because if it wasn’t for her, they wouldn’t have anything to talk about. Once the Danielle insults end, so does the scene.

Next we see Jaq walking into Caroline’s. She’s barley put her ass in the seat and I’ll give you two guesses what they’re talking about. Caroline interviews that she would rather pass a kidney stone than hear one more story about Danielle. Which might be believable if it weren’t for the fact that these women just will not stop talking about her. Whatever did they do at their little tea parties before Danielle came into their lives? Just stare at each other?
Dina enters the scene and they make us watch her tell the story of the scene that we just watched 10 minutes earlier. Dina really can’t get over the fact that Danielle called her hair fake. That is the part of the confrontation that seems to be bothering her the most. She states multiple times that her hair is real. Maybe she forgot that she wore her red hair extension to the meeting? Once Dina is done telling her story about Danielle she leaves because now she has nothing left to talk about.

Now back the star of the show: We see Danielle going to dinner with some friends she seems to have picked up off the Bravo casting call reject list. Danielle was desperate for friends (or at least someone to listen to her talk about herself) and these women were desperate to be on tv. Now we have to watch D tell the story of the confrontation scene that we just heard Dina retell and just watched at the beginning of the show.

Jacqueline, who has realised that she is boring and contributes nothing to the show, agrees to be friends with Kim G in exchange for more air time. Caroline’s feet are firmly planted in reality, she is not willing to sell her soul for fame and wants nothing to do with Kim G. Kim, who is doing everything possible to ensure she is the one who gets to replace Dina, shows up at Jaq’s house and we watch her show the world what a two faced liar she is. Bravo helps us out with some flashbacks to last weeks episode incase we forgot.

They are desperate to fill air time.

Next we get to watch the husbands buy meat. Seriously.
I think these women need to take a clue from the New York wives and leave the husbands out of the show. There is no reason they need to be filming on their own without the wives. They are talking about meat and poker and initiating Ashley’s boyfriend and I couldn’t be more bored. What initiation are they talking about? Are they in a frat, do they have a secret club that we don’t know about? Finally the Bravo editors take mercy on us and end this scene.

After that meat store nonsense I’m happy to see Danielle because I know she’ll do something interesting or crazy. And sure enough right off the bat D is making what appears to be a reference to bestiality. D and the ladies from the dinner scene are hanging out in someones kitchen. I would like to know where she found these women because there is no way they are really her friends. The blond one is wearing a hot pink top and is standing in a little pose while holding a dressed up dog next to her face. She looks like she’s trying to copy Paris Hilton, but she’s old and it’s not Halloween so it’s just weird. The orange haired one apparently can’t afford clothing and has to wear her husbands shirt and slacks. And the one with the dark hair doesn’t talk, she just lurks in the background wearing a fur collared winter jacket buttoned up to the neck while standing indoors. These women are odd.

Now on to the poker game at Jaq’s house. Teresa and Joe arrive, they say hello, and begin discussing Danielle immediately. There is some sex tape drama. Not the tape that was just  in the news, this is a different one that was never released and was supposedly taped without her knowledge. T thinks it’s ok for a 26 year old man to secretly film the woman he has sex with because “that’s what young boys do”. Good thing she isn’t raising boys.
The women serve the men their meat on a silver platter, and Joe complains because the bread isn’t ready yet and because they didn’t have any hot plates of chicken or whatever he said. I don’t know that I’ve ever heard Joe say something to Teresa that wasn’t disrespectful or condescending. Even “happy wife, happy life” sounds like “give her what she wants so you don’t have to hear her bitch”. I don’t see this marriage lasting. Especially not now that she’s famous and he’s broke.

Ashley enters the scene and escorts her boyfriend to his “initiation”. It’s so ridiculous for these grown men to be acting this way. I hope this whole situation is staged in a desperate attempt to make their boring wives’ show more interesting and this isn’t how they really behave.

Back in the kitchen, Jaq tells her daughter she look like a relative of theirs who is overweight, essentially saying (in a backhanded LuAnn sort of a way) that her daughter is fat. She clearly meant it as a dig, and is laughing. Obviously she knows her daughter well enough to know that this comment will upset her. Even as Ashley become visibly upset and walks away, Jaq says it again: “You remind me of her.” Ashley goes downstairs and joins the guys, who don’t seem too happy to have a female sitting at their poker table. Jaq, who was perfectly content to stay in the kitchen up until this point follows Ashley downstairs and continues to antagonise her. Now the guys want to know whats going on and it’s clear that Ashley isn’t comfortable repeating exactly what it was that her mom said or why it upset her, but Jaq has no problem rehashing what went down in front of the guys. Ashley calls her mom a 12 year old. It was disrespectful, but it was true. Jaq looses it and drags Ashley out of the chair by her shoulders and pushes her out of the room and slams the door. Jaq says “I won’t allow her to talk to me like that.” If Jaq taught Ashley about respect the same way she is teaching her son not to talk badly about people, then I’m really not surprised Ashley behaves the way she does.

Ashley has and attitude problem. I agree. But the majority of confrontations I see between Ashley and Jaq arise not because Ashly is an out of control teen, but because Jaq instigates fights. Ashley is sensitive and overreacts and Jac knows just how to push her buttons to get her to go off. I don’t like Ashley, but I do have some sympathy for her when I watch her scenes with her mother.

A quote from Ashley’s Bravo blog says “Anyway, I see how immature the whole thing was and yes, I did apologize to my mom afterward. I always apologize after we fight. Like I’ve said once and I’ll say it a million times more, my mom and I love each other very much.
and
“I love my mama, and she had EVERY RIGHT to throw me out that night.”
Ashley is like an abused puppy. Her mom just keeps beating her down and she just keeps apologizing and coming back for more. In interviews and in her blog Ashley is constantly insisting that her and her mom love each other and have a good relationship, although I haven’t seen any evidence of that yet. I’m going to channel Jill Zarin and say: Prove it! Show me the tapes!

Danielle wants to wear lingerie and strip for the cameras, but she needs a good excuse. So she creates the story line that her girlfriends are helping her to feel good about her body and build up her confidence so that she can get back into the dating scene. She is going to get her “sexy back” by going lingerie shopping and taking a strip dance lesson. Ok, that’s fine. I’m willing to roll with this little story, watch a little pole dancing without the nudity, sure no prob. But I was not prepared for what I saw next: Kim G in booty shorts gripping the pole, trying desperately to hold her body weight for a couple seconds. This old grandma is so desperate to be on tv that she is willing to humiliate herself and her family just to get in her 15 minutes. I feel so bad for this woman’s poor son. Can you imagine all the “yo mamma” jokes his friends are gonna get out of this one?

Danielle gets on the poll and shows us the moves that helped her bag the father of her children and the house she lives in. “Have you seen my house?” she asks.

I’ve seen her house, and I can’t understand why she brags about it so much. It’s not small, but it isn’t a mansion. Not the kind of house you would expect the holder of a Black Card to live in. And judging by the green bathtub, plush carpeting, and flowered wallpaper, I think it’s safe to assume that this house hasn’t been renovated since the early 90’s. She really needs to stop bragging about that house. But whatever you say about D, her legs look great and she’s 40-something and doing a split.

The boys throw dollar bills at her and Danielle interviews in a baby voice about how she used to get 20’s, 50’s, and 100’s thrown at her back in the day when she was a dancer. The baby voice she uses, especially when talking about stripping is not cute. At the end of the scene, D claims that the stripping experience made her feel good and that now “she’s back”. We all know she never really “left” but at least her story line was more entertaining than the “lets initiate Ashley’s boyfriend” storyline.

The show ends with a farewell to Dina. She realises that show revolves around Danielle and she doesn’t want to be a part of it anymore. She is getting out with her dignity intact and I really respect her for that. Goodbye Dina!

I don’t always read the New Jersey ladies blogs, because they usually say the same things every week. They talk about how much they hate Danielle, and then they talk about how they wish we could see more of them and their families activities (as though anyone wants to watch an hour of them doing cute things with their kids). But I always read Danielle’s blog because it never fails to entertain me. This week I was disappointed. Danielle was all about staying in the positive. There was no trash talking the other ladies, no spilling behind the scenes dirt, no insulting their parenting skills. I checked for a secret message thinking maybe she copied Teresa from last week, but if there was one I didn’t find it. Fuck positivity. I want her to be real and say exactly whats on her mind, negativity and all. Come on Danielle, you are the only thing keeping the NJ franchise alive. Don’t take the high road now.

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One Response to The Real Housewives of New Jersey Ep 7 a.k.a. The Danielle Show

  1. Snarkella says:

    Your blog is far more entertaining than the show itself.

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