So the second part of the reunion special starts off with Jill apologizing again.
I can just hear her 4 publicists voices: “Ok Jill, now remember; apologize for everything, compliment Bethanny at every opportunity, kiss her ass, pretend to be listening when others speak to you – you can accomplish this by looking in their direction and nodding your head, and don’t forget apologize, apologize, apologize.”
Jill is sorry. She said it 482 times. I get it. But just because she says it, doesn’t make it true.
Someone somewhere on some blog that I can’t remember commented that Jill’s bracelet looks like she is wearing a corn cob on her arm. I liked that bracelet in the first part of the reunion, and now all I can think about is food when I look at it.
Let the Jill bashing begin.
Bethanny says what we’ve all been thinking and tells Jill that her apologies aren’t sincere. She says that Jill only became apologetic once she saw that people weren’t liking her behavior. Jill responds with “It wasn’t that they didn’t like me, it was that I saw things I didn’t like about myself.” But that’s a lie. It really is that we don’t like her. And Jill is just too in love with Jill for there to be anything she doesn’t like about herself. Alex who is still releasing all of that pent up anger backs up B’s statement by telling Jill “I don’t think you care about the relationship with Bethanny, I think you care about how bad you looked.”
Alex goes after Jill at every opportunity and isn’t letting her get away with anything. It’s interesting to see Alex like this. But she starts to sound a little bit like B’s lawyer, and we all know be doesn’t need representation to win an argument.
Jill gets accused of being jealous when good things that happen to others, she defends herself by ratting out B for telling her about her new show before she was allowed to talk about it. Lol. And then Jillousy proves that she wasn’t jealous by informing everyone that she told B she was happy for her. “Remember B? I told you I was happy for you.” More compliments and ass kissing for Bethanny. Then Jill explains that she has a really good life and therefore there is nothing to be jealous of. Nothing Jill? Really? Not the fame, the popularity, the not being hated? No? Ok.
I disagree with what Jill says. And so does Ramona who turns full blown informant on her ass and tells the world about how Jill called her up at her office and tried to get her to participate in her little scheme to sabotage B’s new show. Jill responds by making this face:
LOL. I think she was going for a shocked/appalled kind of a look, but it just didn’t work out for her. Jill accuses Ramona of lying but it’s pointless. No one believes Jill anymore.
Bethanny points out that unlike the rest of the women, she did not have a husband or a family to fall back on and was just starting out building her brand, and unlike the rest of them, she really needed the show. That was her lively hood and Jill tried to mess with it. To which Kelly comments “but you didn’t want to film with me” as though the two things are even remotely similar. Kelly doesn’t need the show. She has alimony and child support and could easily spend the rest of her life doing cartwheels and eating gummy bears, never having to worry about paying the bills. And also, Kelly is crazy. Not wanting to film with a person you dislike because they are crazy is not the same thing as not wanting to film with someone who you supposedly care about to purposely sabotage their latest business venture. Unfortunately no one brought this point up. But it’s ok, Kelly wouldn’t have understood anyway.
Jill still denies that she knew B’s dad was sick, even though we all watched Alex tell her. Jill wants to see the proof but Bravo doesn’t have that particular clip on hand. She demands to see the tapes and Bethanny makes a comment about how it’s like they’re at a blackjack table, “Go to the tape, I had a 21” she says. Kelly wanted to make a joke too and shouts “Go fish. Do you have 2? No I have 4!” which just proves B’s assertion that Kelly doesn’t know the temperature of the room, nor a casino for that matter.
Jill can’t answer the question about why she held onto a voice mail message for two months. Kelly tries to help out Jill by offering up this explanation: “Maybe she wanted to hear her voice.” Unfortunately her argument was ridiculous and all she succeeded in doing was giving the world one more reason to think she’s a moron.
Jill finally admits that her family was keeping the severity of Bobby’s condition a secret until they knew the outcome. Which has to make you wonder about all those interviews and conversations she had about how incredibly hurt she was that B wasn’t there for her and how “she should have known”. At this point Countless (boy she really screwed herself by bringing up the whole Mario/countless thing on camera, huh? I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen her “title” spelled correctly) realises that she isn’t getting any air time and no one cares to talk to her, so she finds and excuse to jump into the discussion and says something pointless that adds nothing to the conversation and then proclaims how she didn’t want to get involved.
They go on a bit more about the Bethanny/Jill thing and now I’m getting bored. I don’t care anymore. Jill answers everything with “It never happened, you are lying, prove it, you’re right, I was wrong, I’m sorry” and it’s getting annoying. I’m ready for them to move on at this point. I’m just waiting to hear about scary island. I want an explanation from Kelly, I want to know what the fuck happened and I want a real honest response without the bullying bullshit. They’ve been nailing Jill’s ass and now I want to see them do the same to Kreepy Kelly. I want to know why the fuck she said satchels of gold! I need answers!
After yet another viewer comment regarding Jill’s behavior, B actually steps in and defends her, saying that it’s enough already. Jill takes that little drop of sympathy and runs with it, going into full-on victim mode with the tears, and the apologies and the walking off because it’s “too much” and she “can’t handle it”. I guess she was hoping that since B felt sorry for her in that moment maybe the viewers would too. Not this viewer. Countless wants to know who asked the question. She wants to talk so badly that she’s just saying anything at this point.
Now it’s time to bring out Sonja. I like Sonja, I really do. But I could care less about her sex life. It’s not shocking or entertaining. Andy asks if Sonja is having more sex than everyone else or if she is just the only one to admit it. Countless takes a deep breath and appears to be bracing herself. She gives Sonja some kind of look, and it makes me wonder what kind of nasty ho-bag dirt Sonja’s got on the Countless. She looked worried for a moment.
Sonja jokingly refers to the men she sleeps with as customers. Team Evil snickers. Sonja adds “If you know me and you’re really my friend then you know I don’t have paying customers” to which Jill replies in a snarky tone “no its free” while laughing and slapping her knee. I guess Sonja’s mother didn’t posses the same wisdom as Gloria and never taught her daughter that whores do it for money, sluts do it for free, and classy women do it for diamonds and homes in the Hampton’s.
They start talking about one night stands, and Sonja’s definition of a one night stand is different than mine. I thought a one night stand is this: you meet someone, you sleep with them that same night, and you never (plan to) see them again. Sonja is looking less promiscuous now that she clarified her point of view. I like her.
Sonja doesn’t want to expose her daughter to the reality tv world bc she is afraid how it will affect her. I like her even more.
She clears up the “different guy for every day of the week” thing and now I love her.
Sonja doesn’t care about the rude comments made by Jill during the season. She can laugh at herself. Jill is probably so jealous of her self confidence.
Finally Pointless Countless had an opportunity to answer a question. She says that she doesn’t understand where B got the drag queen comment from. B says she doesn’t know where it came from either and she’s sorry. Lies Bethanny! Lies! She is 7 feet tall, has a lesbian hair cut, and a deep voice. That’s where it came from and we all know it! Countless tries to make us believe it didn’t hurt her feelings and tells us that she laughed when she heard it. But we all know that’s bullshit and so does B who responds with a sarcastic “Ok, ok.”
Bethanny tries to explain to Kelly the meaning of the word “bully” by attempting to illuminate the difference between her exchange with Countless at the fashion show (bullying) and what happened on scary island (not bullying). I thought it was a good example, but then again I am capable of comprehending and processing words.
They brought up the “making lemonade out of lemons” comments. Kelly laughed it off and they let her get away with it and that pissed me off. I want to know how a 41 year old woman not only butchers the expression “When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade” but doesn’t understand the meaning behind it – even after it’s explained to her. I want answers!
Ramona has another hot flash and gets up and walks away again. Now I think I’m understanding what her whole renewal thing was all about this season. Ramona always has to be in control of everything, and this was her way of staying in control during this stage in her life.
Finally we get to talk about scary island! Kelly starts going off on her systematic bullying bullshit, Ramona tries to put a stop to it but Andy wants to let Kelly tell her version of events.
Kelly gets her chance to speak, and now I think that maybe I just might understand why she keeps insisting that she was bullied. It doesn’t appear that Kelly understands the meaning of the word bully. Kelly describes being bullied as the women being hot and cold, and they say one moment that they really really love her (I never heard anyone say they loved her) and the next minute telling her that they can’t understand her. So I’m guessing this is the Kelly Land version of bullying. I think it’s starting to make a little more sense.
But then there was some confusion over whether she was talking about the present moment at the reunion or about what happened on scary island. So now I’m confused again and don’t know whats going on.
The women show amazing restraint and allow Kelly to continue speaking her non sense. Kelly is really making absolutely no sense at all and finally Ramona can’t take it anymore. She just can’t take it anymore. She can’t, she just can’t. Ramona makes me smile because her reaction is exactly what I think it should be. I’m surprised the other ladies are being as controled as they are. I’m not even there and this bitch is making me so mad I’m yelling at my tv. Everyone is talking again and Andy quiets them because for some odd reason he really wants to hear what Kelly has to say.
They all shut up to let Kelly speak, and the words “Systematic bullying” come out of her mouth for the 10th time and I want to fucking scream. They show B’s face and her eyes are closed and she’s taking a deep breath. No one understands what Kelly is saying. And Kelly cites the fact that no one understands her as proof that she is being bullied right now. “As you can see, its happening right now” she says. So from what I was able to gather, apparently if you don’t understand Kelly and ask her to explain herself, you are a bully. I think that’s what she said. But who fucking knows. Kelly is trying to spin the whole situation to make it look like she is grateful for having had to endure such a horrific experience at the hands of these monsters because she is going to use her tragic story to reach out and help victims such as herself to feel empowered and stand up to bullies. [insert eye roll]
Once Kelly is done her non sensical ramblings, Andy tries to help Kelly out by repeating what she said in a more articulately formed sentence. Andy is good at translating KellySpeak. But Kelly disagrees. As soon as Andy is done repeating what she said, she claims that’s not what she said at all. Even Jill (who is trying so hard to pretend to care about Kelly) can’t control herself and spits out “Yes, that’s what you just said.”
Kelly then tells her sad story of how Bravo forced her to go on the trip against her will. Andy tells her more than once that it’s not true and Kelly reply’s “Andy, It is true though, but thank you, I appreciate that.” Appreciate what? What the fuck is she talking about?! Bethanny is now rubbing her forehead. Kelly continues on with her monologue of randomly strung together words and I swear she says “…..it’s constantly berating and trying to nitpick and the accountability, and the chitless and everything…” Now, I’m no Columbia University graduate, but I’m pretty sure “chitless” isn’t a word.
By this point my head is spinning. I don’t understand why the other women don’t jump in. Somebody say something! Somebody stop her! I don’t know what she’s saying and listening to her speak is killing my brain cells!
And then the unspeakable happens.
LuAnn (yes, I used her real name) stops Kelly and calls her out for instigating what went on and actually brings up specific things that Kelly said and did . Thank you LuAnn! You know, if she keeps this up, she just might be able to redeem herself a bit (at least until she sings again). It’s nice to see LuAnn, queen of denial, actually calling it like it is and not blindly defending Kelly the way Jill does simply because she is on her “team”. I think Lulu is realising that she is on a sinking ship and I bet she’ll look to Sonja to throw her a life line and help her aboard the S.S. BRAS.
I appreciate LuAnn’s attempt to hold Kelly responsible, but it just doesn’t work. We all want answers, we all want to make sense of this, but I just might have to come to terms with the fact that it may never happen. Kelly refuses to make sense or use logic or form a proper sentence. So with that, part two of the reunion comes to an end. I am left frustrated and annoyed and in need of therapy… or rehab to help me kick this housewives obsession.