The Real Housewives of New Jersey – Faux Recap #2

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*Not suitable for reading in a work environment*

I am what I am

I’m gonna be the next Robin Leech.

I am no longer responsible for my daughter. Just want to be clear on that.

Is bitch better?

I’m on the show! Suck it Teresa!

So what do you think Danielle is doing?

Not sure.

I wish she would leave us alone. I just want her out of my life. How are we gonna get rid of her?

Well… we could stop talking about her all the time.

What did you just say to me?!

Nothing.

I just want her to understand that me and her will never be friends and I want nothing to do with her. Why can’t she understand that? You know what I’m gonna do? I think I’m gonna have lunch with her ex husband. I’m gonna call him right now and set up a lunch date.

Ok.

I can’t believe she won’t just leave us alone. All I want is for her to be out of our lives. Maybe I’ll testify against her in the lawsuit. The lady that waxes my chucky said that her cousin’s best friend’s aunt said that Danielle said some pretty bad things about her ex. Yup, I’m gonna testify against her, that’s what I’ll do. Then maybe she’ll get the point that I want nothing to do with her. 

Sure.

And if that doesn’t work, I’ll call her and invite her to a meeting. I just never want to see her or hear her name again, ya know what I mean?

I know.

What will it take for her to understand that I don’t like her? Should I just go to her house? Maybe I should just show up on her door step, invite myself in, and sit down on the couch. Then maybe she’ll get the point that I want nothing to do with her.

Maybe. 

Seriously, this woman is unbelievable.

Uh huh. 

I have integrity. And she is garbage.


I’m outta here bitches! Off to Tahiti to film my proverbial new show. 

So next week when Joe gets out of prison, do you guys want to go out to dinner with me and my husband?

Sure sounds good.

Great. So how is he doing in there? Is he having a hard time?

No he love’s it! He told me he was thinking of shanking someone so he can stay in there longer. He said rapists and murderers are a pleasure to live with after spending 10 years with Teresa.

How is little Joey Jr doing?

Oh he’s great. Fortunately for him he looks like my side of the family.

Oh I almost forgot, I got you some cookies.

Oh thank you! Corrado’s is my favorite!!

I know they are. And Teresa knows too. That’s why she flipped out when I brought the same cookies to her house on Christmas. Bwuhahahaha!

Welcome everyone to the A. J. Willner Auction of the Giudice possessions. First up we have a Faux antique vase. It is a high quality duplicate made from ceramic material and was carefully designed to be an exact replica of the one in Melissa Gorga’s home. We’ll start the bidding at 50 dollars.

Do I hear 50 dollars? 50 dollars? Anyone? 50 dollars?

Anyone?

Ok we’ll come back to that one. Next up we have a suit of armour for midget’s. Very rare, ladies and gentlemen, to find a suit of armour this size. We’ll start the biding at 100 dollars. Do I hear 100 dollars? Anyone? Anyone?

80 dollars? Anyone? No? Ok, 50 dollars! Do I hear 50 dollars?

Hello? Anyone? Ok, fine, 10 bucks! Just give me 10 bucks and it can be yours! Anyone? No? Seriously?

I’ll fucking kill anyone who touches my stuff!! I’m from Patterson!! I’ll pin you all down!! Ya hear me?! Do NOT break up my furniture!!!!

Ok people, just try to ignore the animal in the window. She’s not dangerous, and we have men here with tranquilizer guns just in case.

Sorry for the interruption folks. Now back to the auction.
Next up we have –

HEY! HEY! Listen – how about I give ya a thousand bucks for the whole lot!!

Um… I don’t know.

Listen buddy stop wasting my time, ok? I could scratch my ass with all this crap and you know it. Just take the thousand bucks and be happy with it.

Ok. Sold! To the old lady with the itchy ass!

TOM! Load all this crap into the truck. We’ll take it down to Patterson and give it to the guys to furnish their crack houses with.

AAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t belive this nasty old bitch took my stuff! I’m gonna kill her!!!

You can’t do this to me!!!!!!!  I’m a DIVAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

GGGGRRRRRRUUUUAAAHHHHGGGGGFFFF!!!!!!! AAAUUUHHHGRRRAAUU!!!!!!!!

Mr. Giudice, we are with the Towaco medical examiners office, and we regret to inform you that your wife’s head exploded.

Cool.

No sir, I don’t think you understand, she’s dead.

Yeah I understood ya. That’s why it’s cool. See, I took out a million dolla life insurance policy on her a month ago. Easiest mill I eva made!

HEY GUYS!!! Who wants candy from the commissary?! It’s on me!!

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This entry was posted in Caroline Manzo, Danielle Staub, Funny Stuff, Jacqueline Laurita, Kim G, Melissa Gorga, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Recaps, Teresa Giudice, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

170 Responses to The Real Housewives of New Jersey – Faux Recap #2

  1. Waxdiva says:

    Loved it!

  2. Can someone post this on Melissa’s facebook page for me?
    I know one of you is fb friends with her, but I forget who.

  3. MannysGrammy says:

    You have done it again g/f! You top yourself every time you put out another 1!!! I fricken lost it, laughing so hard my grandsons came running over to my pc to see what g-ma was laughing at, but at 2 & 4, all they could do was look @ me crazy!
    You should have books made…every one of these should be made into a picture book with all the captions, exactly like you make these…i’d buy every one of them!!

    • Actually, isn’t there some program that makes it possible for you to write a book online? Like I can just copy and paste all this and then the website will make a book out of it? I think I saw something like that somewhere.
      Lol.

      • Squirrels says:

        I’d love to know that, too. I can type and a program puts all the quotes in the right paragraphs? Awesome!

      • Fizzyz says:

        Inhaler worthy! Tears streaming down my cheeks. A pop up book with sound effects would really increase your hilarity factor! Looked forward to this all day. You’ve out done yourself. Fabalicious! Aloha and thanks

        • I would LOVE sound effects!
          What I really want is for a sound to play when you roll your mouse over the picture. I was thinking about it while I was making this. I really wanted an explosion noise for Teresa!

          • Meg1964 says:

            If u added sounds, and KimG came here and rolled her mouse over it and got sounds, she’d have a damn heart attack. And I’d laugh.

            Damn. I’ve gotten meaner over the last cpl of weeks.

          • tuzentswurth says:

            I think sound effects would put me right over the edge, I would never regain control, would be “literally” roflmao!

      • MannysGrammy says:

        I’m not sure…maybe someone on here knows of a site you could do that at. I’m serious…there might be some money in this for you along the way somewhere! This shit is too funny not to be put out there & would be hysterical in books to put out! I’d die!

  4. Lisa says:

    PRICELESS!!!!! ROFLMFAO

  5. WindyCityWondering says:

    Amazing! Can’t stop laughing and will view it again as soon as I post my appreciation – thank you! Lady you rock it hughly!

  6. Amber...Real Wife says:

    Love love love Joe tanning at the prison drinking Margarita’s! You are nuts!

  7. Sardonica says:

    Each segment made me laugh harder and now I am out of breath. Love the boarded up windows at Danielle’s house and then always T’s head and Kim G with that stance. Great work on the Photoshopping, esp. the junk piled up at auction. Too funny! I wish there could be a special Joe G in the bighouse edition. I wonder what he is up to there?…hint hint. Thanks!

  8. aquamarine candy-o says:

    HI-LARIOUS!!!! The boarded up windows at Danielle’s and the auction was the best!! tee hee!! (you made the auctioneer sound like Ben Stein in Ferris Bueller….lol….anyone? anyone?)

  9. tuzentswurth says:

    The lady with the itchy ass! Teresa’s head blowing up! Pure satchels of gold. You really captured great expressions to go with Caro & Jac’s comments. Thank you, Ma’am, I tip my hat to you.

  10. Bea from NJ says:

    EFFING HILARIOUS! LMAO!

  11. Linda G. says:

    OMG too funny!! Keep ‘em coming, cuz we love ‘em!

  12. Z0mbiemom says:

    “Sold to the old lady with the itchy ass!” LMFAO
    Love it!

    • BonBon says:

      Thank G-d, I work by myself, alone and away from itchy ears. Yes. That comment had me guffawing so loud, I thought I heard a neighbor knocking on my door….oh..gotta go answer the door now. It is my neighbor and wnating to know if she should call an ambulance.

  13. Lina says:

    Truly an epic ending!!!

  14. SavingGrace says:

    RCH —

    Ahhh, and here I though Jacq would run off with Danielle after your RHONJ reunion recap….but you’re right. They would never make it work out…

    Best ever!!! So enjoyed it. Thank you!

  15. Anonymous says:

    I am so over the Jersey Housewives but you made their stale bullship seem fresh and new again. Gotta love the RCH. Can’t wait to see your blog on DC! Satchels!

  16. Snarkella says:

    Forgot I’m on a new phone. Anonymous is me. LOL.

  17. momsthoughts says:

    BRB…..I have to go change my pants! LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  18. AZ Girl says:

    Well done. Excellent work

  19. Ali's Mom says:

    OMG….SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!! I almost peed my pants! I’m going to favor this one and if I’m depressed I’ll just read it all over again!!! Brilliant!!!

    • tuzentswurth says:

      I have some favorite posts too that I go back to and read when I need a mood elevating fix!

    • tuzentswurth says:

      Some of the very best IMHO are the posts when RCH puts the smack-down on rude posters. The Sept 9 blogs when she addresses “May” on the “Forget Making Peace…” blog that begins, “Now you listen here. I run this little crack house….” and also her shut down of “Phoenix” who was chiming in agreement w/himself under two other names on the ” Caroline Manzo Bullshit Blog”…I believe sept 9 also :). RCH-word-smith extraodinaire!

  20. e-rizzle says:

    That is exactly what I needed after my shitty day. Thank you!

    Now if only Teresa’s head would actually explode on the next season…..

  21. Colibrimoon says:

    I am the fool! I read the blog at work! Tara is there! OMG, Teresa in the window is hilarious! Excellent take on the events…this is beyond funny!

  22. Meadow says:

    Love it!

  23. Thank you so much everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m glad you all liked it!!!!

    Looks like Teresa was in here giving thumbs down again. Lol.

    • tuzentswurth says:

      Nah, she meant to give you a thumbs up but just hasn’t quite figured up from down yet, give her time, she’s workin on it.

  24. dumberries says:

    Hysterical! Especially loved the screenshot of Caroline’s text to Kevin Maher. How’d you access her phone records?!…..

  25. Meg1964 says:

    Hahahaha… too funny!!!! Love it!! LOL

  26. TT in OC says:

    How did you do it???? You outdid yourself again. I would love to have your talent and sense of humor. ***Bowing in front of the computer.***

  27. Squirrels says:

    BTW, I particularly enjoyed the tow truck. Subtly is not lost on this old lady.

  28. Abby Park says:

    LOL. Yours are the best RH blogs EVER, because they’re funny. Love, love, love it.

  29. SillyMe says:

    OMG TOOOOO FUNNY! Thank you and good job! Great end to an otherwise stressful day! :D

  30. Houswife of CT says:

    Early in the am…coffee spitting out across the table as I laughed so hard.
    Priceless. Keep them coming!

  31. Sardonica says:

    I gave up other blogs in order to keep coming back for the reruns ( meaning I have already looked at it once or ermmm twenty times ) here. It seems I cannot see T’s head blowing up or Kim G doing anything with those hands on her hips too many times. The comments here are also some of the best stuff I have read anywhere on this very important subject.
    It is like everyone here is addicted to the same drug AND also processes the drug in the same way, ya know? Like some people drink Skinny Girl Margaritas and get sleepy, and some people want to party all night, etc. I still think you should call the blog “The Real Housewives Opium Den” Photoshop a hookah pipe on the top of the page and assign the posters different patterned recliner pics ( whatever the things are called next to your name. I am so 1879. ) The substance you supply is richer than street crack

  32. Larue says:

    This is beautiful! Ya- I think Teresa spends all of her time searching the web for people who are trashing her. She followed me for a time on twitter and I only had something like 3 or 4 posts at the time. Your site is probably the first one she checks out every time she logs in.

    Ha Ha Ha! It makes me laugh just to think about her sitting all alone (cause Joe is in jail) in her foreclosed mansion in one of those tacky chairs and reading your blog. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

    • WindyCityWondering says:

      For a normal person it would be very hard to see yourself through someone else’s eye when that visual is so not nice. Wondering if Teresa even realizes that there are likely many more people out there that dislike her than like her at this point in her “career” as a 15 minute famewhore. But I have to give her credit for building such a strong fantasyland around herself – how else could she go out in public???

  33. boxergirl says:

    Without doubt, you have the funniest recaps ever. I’ve never left a comment for anyone before on all the blogs I read, but you are hysterical-thanks for all the laughs.
    One more thing about the warning-put not suitable for work-I just got busted for laughing so hard!

    • Ok I’ll fix that!
      Thanks for posting. :) Please stick around. The comment section is as fun as the blogs. It’s even better when we get haters, so fun.
      Someone gave everyone a thumbs down, so I know there are haters lurking. Come out of the shadows!

  34. oopsy says:

    HaaaaaaHaaaaaHaaaa!!! Too funny! I’ve been WAITING for this…you got us hooked, glad you didn’t leave us hanging!! Teresa’s big ass head in the window is the FUNNIEST

    • Of course I didn’t leave you hanging!
      And I just HAD to put Teresa’s head in the window again after how much everyone loved it the first time.

      • oopsy says:

        I was worried about you, “Where is RCH??? Where IS she??” (stalker-ish, maybe?) Soooo glad I checked in today! Damn that was some good shit… this new batch you cooked up? Awsome!

        • Haha. I told everyone I was absent for a good reason. I wish I could have them out quicker, it’s just that the photoshops that take f-o-r-e-v-e-r.

          • oopsy says:

            Worth the wait, lady! (I just crawled off the couch for my fix….somehow I got hooked on the hard stuff!) You really have something good going here ’cause this is the FUNNIEST housewife related stuff anywhere. I know ’cause I’ve looked!

  35. Well, I don’t think we give Teresa Tourettes enough credit. We should be thanking her and sending her lots of love. I mean, without her, how could RCH possibly come up with this stuff? While even I (jealous as I am) admit that TT makes it easy. Please show me ONE OTHER person on reality TV who tosses her boss into a chair and grunts like an animal in a fit of rage? Not to mention–see above. Ha ha! Love it, RCH. Well done! (P.S. I heard Joe called TT and sadly told her he’s going to be in jail for another month…or six…on account of he was caught driving the golf cart drunk…on the way to visit Joe, Jr.)

    • I totally agree. Even after RHONJ is over they still make better recaps than DC.

      • tuzentswurth says:

        IDK……You get really good screen shots of DC and come up with really good narrative too. Mary’s face is made for this stuff. Did you notice at Stacie’s house when Erika goes off on her nut-rant and Cat pretty much tells her she’s crazy, Lynda also tells Erika she is a whack job, and of course Stacie sits bolt upright b/c that broomstick up her ass will allow nothing else….everyone is sort of at attention……..except our Mary who is lying slumped back into the couch looking like she just hit some heroin and really couldn’t give a shit, even though the whole brouhaha started while discussing Lolly.

  36. Brobee says:

    I have been reading this blog for a few weeks and just LOVE it!This is my first time posting…. I can’t help but comment on this entry- I was laughing my butt off!!! Thanks for the laughs and keep it coming…I can’t wait to see what else you come up with!!

    • Welcome to the blog! Glad you enjoyed it. :D

    • BonBon says:

      Atlanta…soon enough. Ahhh….. the sweet smell of garbage and the glorious sight of clowns, soon to grace our tv’s once again. I just love the smell of trash in the evenings. It reminds me of…….New Jersey.

      • tuzentswurth says:

        I’ve never watched Atlanta, but I’ll read the recaps!

        • Renna says:

          What’s wrong with ATL ?

          • tuzentswurth says:

            I tried to watch it when it started, but the one woman (I think she’s getting divorced now) had just moved into her McMansion and was interviewing houekeepers and trying to drag hubby in on that..he was clearly not interested, then discussing father-in-law coming to visit and something about booze in the room…all while sitting behind a big desk like she was a little kid playing grown-up. Then the “designer” Sheree, Nene, obnoxious loud-mouth, IDK, it just seemed lame and forced. Kim Z, tooooo classless (b-i-m-b-o). I just wasn’t interested in these people. I really wasn’t watching NJ either till I found this blog. I may HAVE to watch Atl though to fully appreciate the RCH recaps!

            • Meg1964 says:

              Atlanta is my least favorite of the franchises. I can’t stand Nene. She’s downright mean on twitter. I was following her, but dropped her. I don’t think I’ve picked her back up.. she’s just a bitch.

              To me, the only likeable one is Kandi. She seems genuine.

          • BonBon says:

            It’s as trashy as NJ. But, there is a bit more talent there…Kandi and ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…..Give me a decade andI’ll think of another. Oh yeah, their accents are different than the trashy/bullying/screeching like a banchee accents of NJ.

        • BonBon says:

          Who the heck gave you a thumb’s down? For what, pray tell?
          I gave you a thumb’s up just to make it even Steven. Geesh! I think it might be one of those Joisey girls trying to just make it seem like the downers are from Atlanta.

  37. Pingback: The Real Housewives of New Jersey – Faux Recap #2 | | Daily Reality Dose

  38. Need a Hobby says:

    RCH: after your “advice” to boston on Lynn’s, I posted that IMHO you should write a book.

    My suggestion for a possible title: “Real City Housewife’s Guide to Amazing and Authentic Living: Advice on Life, Love, Fashion, Food, Finances, and Avoiding Those Pesky Lawsuits and Criminal Charges. ”
    :)

    • Lol. I can see the lawsuits now.
      “But your Honor, I was just following the advice from the RCH self help book.”

    • tuzentswurth says:

      I never have time to read all the posts at Lynn’s, but I read her blog and skim the posts. I am so glad I caught that thread.
      RCH that was hysterical!
      Need a Hobby- I’d buy that book!

      • Need a Hobby says:

        I’d buy the book too! And RCH also could have an advice column, “Ask a Real City Housewife.” Can you imagine RCH’s advice and solutions to people’s problems?

        Many years ago Phyliss Diller came out with a Housekeeping Hints book. Perhaps my favorite, since I found it so apt, was if you can’t avoid bringing people to your messy home after an evening out, when you open the door and turn on the lights you should loudly exclaim, “Who could have done this??!!! We have no enemies!!!!” :D

        • TT in OC says:

          I like the advice column idea. I mean just look at RCH’s advice to boston in Lynn’s blog: take the money next time.

          • Yes. I should totally have my own advice column. I am clearly the voice of reason that everyone needs to listen to.

            • tuzentswurth says:

              Exactly! And….any judge one might be in front of……when he/she is informed that I was just following your advice, and the courtroom is packed with posters from here to testify in my behalf….well that judge is going to back down faster than Phoenix the pharmacist.

            • BonBon says:

              I don’t have time for Lynn now that I found you. I hardly now have time for you. Boo Hoo.

  39. cheekybrit says:

    ROFLMFAO! Bloody brilliant! I enjoy your blogs check mine out http:// cheekywithacupoftea.blogspot.com/

  40. cheekybrit says:

    I’ve got Melissa and her sister on my facebook I’ll forward your link to them.

  41. _Nahama_ says:

    I’m not on twitter all that much but when I check in, the first thing I have to read is your blog. I’m sitting here cackling like a lunatic. Love it!!!

  42. ReneeInReno says:

    I don’t really think it’s a funny situation. It’s really quite sad for everyone involved. Especially those people and businesses that are owed $$$$.

    BUT JOE AND TERESA GUIDICE ARE NOT THE FIRST IE THE LAST PEOPLE TO DECLARE/FILE FOR BANKRUPTCY. SO GET OVER IT.

    ReneeInReno

    • Yes, I agree it is a sad situation. But sadness is not going to stop me from making a joke out of it if I can.

    • tuzentswurth says:

      The Guidices are among the despicable lot of people that file for bankruptcy driven purely from greed, fraud, lies, ridiculous excess, and scams as opposed to genuine circumstances beyond their control such as catastrophic medical bills, loss of job, or true disability. Most humans with a functioning brain and an ounce of ethics don’t file claiming $11 million debt because of McMansions and hair bows while maintaining slumlord status and omitting and hiding assets.
      I chose to feel sad for those people who have been scammed but will continue to enjoy the jokes that the Guidices make themselves such an easy target of.
      True Renee, it is not a funny situation, but the Guidices are laughable and we here are along for the sheer enjoyment of the ride.

    • Squirrels says:

      Donald Trump did it, too. The difference is, he has a brain. According to all doctors’ reports, the Giudice’s are empty headed hoodlums. Add to that Joe who believes he’s above the law when it comes to driving without a license, thumbs his nose to the world. The unmitigated arrogance of this pair who flaunt themselves like Bogey and Bacall is precisely why they are consistently smacked down with ridicule. They invite it.

      • Anonymous says:

        Trump IIRC has not declared personal bankruptcy, but Chapter 11 for his business(es), allowing for restructuring business and debts, liquidating assets, etc. The Gs of course filed Chap 7 for personal bankruptcy and which T acts as if it’s her “get out of debt free” card.

        • Need a Hobby says:

          ^ That was me. Didn’t know I could do that. Don’t know how I did. Cool. 8)

        • Squirrels says:

          I’m aware of the different bankruptcies. My point was and is, Trump revamped, swallowed the bitter pill including a personal spending budget. He owned up to it. This family will be swimming with sharks to maintain their faux wealthy lifestyle or just try to maintain a flotation device above the quicksand for years. I stand by my comment.

    • Need a Hobby says:

      1. This is a satire and parody site. I think RCH has been clear about her “take no prisoners” approach, even towards the ho’wives she may like as people (as opposed to their onscreen characters).

      2. Unfortunately the Gs don’t appear to take their situation as seriously as you do. The Gs don’t seem too broken up about their bankruptcy or concerned about those folks they owe money to. And the vast majority of folks declaring bankruptcy are not parading a “wealthy lifestyle” on national TV—-a “wealth” that’s built on conspicuous spending, unpaid bills and loans.

      When the bottom of the Gs financial pyramid started to crumble–and it really was only a matter of time—the proverbial last straw appeared to be a court judgment against Joe for hundreds of thousands of unpaid debt, amidst allegations of misappropriation of funds and forgery. They filed for bankruptcy within days of the judgment. A bankruptcy filing btw in which they failed to list all their assets & included tax forms that were never submitted to the IRS….either they hadn’t filed their fed taxes in years or they filed different statements with the IRS, which is another potential problem for the Gs. The Gs filings to the bankruptcy court–original & amended—apparently are so filled with false statements and omissions that the both the court appointed trustee and the DOJ filed complaints with the court, asserting the Gs perjured themselves in their filing and are hiding assets from the court.

      Within days of their filing for bankruptcy, the G’s were so sad and so concerned about their situation that they start spending again like drunken sailors (dropping $60K on furnishings). This info is from the court documents, based on the filings of the trustees and the Gs. These are public documents and a matter of public record.

      When have the Giudices expressed concerned about the people and businesses they owe money to? The Gs also do not appear particularly concerned about their bankruptcy since they appear to think they got away with running up millions in debt and not having to pay it back. They’re counting on the bankruptcy court awarding them bankruptcy protection and T’s much mentioned “fresh start.” That’s the same court the trustees say the Gs lied to and have tried hide their assets from. Some courts get cranky when petitioners before them appear to attempt to perpetuate what some might call a fraud upon the court.

      If you or I pulled this documented crap on others and a court, others would say that we’re crooks, liars and thieves. But the Gs put all this out there in the public arena and everyone’s supposed to STFU? Why?

      If folks don’t like people talking about this subject or satirizing the Gs lies and pretentions, they are free to go elsewhere more to their liking. Perhaps The Onion?

    • oopsy says:

      Renee why are you shouting? You’re right. Some people with small businesses have been devestated by what the Guidices have done. The BEST thing we can do (and really, what CAN we do here?) is to make them the biggest laughing stock in the country. To show how utterly shallow, greedy, and selfish they are. EVERYONE needs to know about these grifters so more people don’t get burned. They shouldn’t get a fresh start at all. These kinds of blogs make the public aware and may put pressure on those who are deciding on their bankruptcy case. It becomes a public outcry. I say, “rock on RCH!!! They deserve us laughing and mocking them!”

  43. Meg1964 says:

    Yeah, it’s sad for the people they owe that won’t be getting a damn dime.. it’s sad for those brats they’re raising.. they didn’t ask to be born into a family of thieves, liars and dumbasses.

    • tuzentswurth says:

      At the time, when Caro said “We’re thick as thieves”, I didn’t realize that she meant thick as in stupid and dimwitted. Also didn’t realize she meant actual thieves. It makes sense now. Most thieves eventually get caught due to their own stupidity.

      • BonBon says:

        I have always believed that greed bears the seeds of its own destruction. You usually get what’s coming to you in this lifetime. But, if you don’t, the legacy you leave is not one of flowers and love, but dumpsters full of the smelly manure of human waste.

    • oopsy says:

      Meg I agree it is sad. I keep thinking about the guy who did the railings in that house. I heard his family can’t keep their children in the school they attended. Think about the expense he had for supplies and then the time spent making and installing to be told, “F U! You don’t get a dime!” I don’t know alot of people who can take a hit like that and be O.K. They don’t just owe to banks and credit card companies, which is bad enough, they owe to small businesses also. We should point and laugh as if they are in the stocks and we are throwing rotten vegtables, Make them a laughing stock. Make people ashamed to buy her cook book. They really expected to be treated like special, beloved celebrities. SCREW THAT! I, for one, am going to enjoy any suffering that comes their way…they deserve it.

      • tuzentswurth says:

        Contractors generally propose a contract and if you want them to do the job, they request 1/3 payment up front to get started, 1/3 half way through the job, and 1/3 on completion. I question if this contractor can’t educate his children b/c of a 1/3 payment from the Guidice’s. If this contractor didn’t work this way with the Guidice’s…..lesson learned the hard way.

        • It's Hot In Texas says:

          I remember seeing notes on some of the invoices for the $60K they spent right after declaring bankruptcy. They said things like “needs to pay in full in advance of delivery”, and “must pay cash”.

          It seems their reputation proceeds tham.

        • oopsy says:

          Remember she had the first railings taken out and had different ones put in. And I don’t know what other jobs that guy might have done. Custom iron railing are very expensive. Even a third of the expense can run into thousands of dollars. I don’t know for sure but I thought I read it was a small business. (Anybody know?) With this economy small businesses are suffering. If you are barely making it as it is and someone stiffs you for thousands, it can really hurt.

      • Meg1964 says:

        And as I have said before.. I was thisclose to buying her cookbook, before I discovered the real Teresa. It’ll be a cold day in hell for me to buy it now. No way.

        And she claims to be writing (HA) a second one… I bet it flops.

        WTF is the deal with Michaele Salahi? Was she a cheerleader or not? I’m finding articles that say she wasn’t. She said she’s been paying alumni dues for years. I think if she was a cheerleader, she needs to tweet a pic of her cheering. What cheerleader doesn’t have pics of her cheering?

        • tuzentswurth says:

          I suspect that the Sahlahi’s are trying to take a page from Frank Abagnale Jr’s play-book. He was an entertaining fraud that pulled unbelievable scams in the 60’s. If your not old enough to remember him, see the movie based on his escapades: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0264464/.
          If they can pull enough fantastic frauds, they can get rich having their memoirs written, etc. These scams are not as easy to pull today, we are no longer back in that innocent age (plus they are morons).
          Sahlahi’s seem to me that they are just too narcissistic to be “ordinary” and too lazy to really work. It just isn’t working out for them though, people loathe them like all the other fraud wannabes (lookin at you Guidices).

          • TT in OC says:

            I thought I heard Mary said on Andy’s show (last Wed) that the Red Fox made a public announcement that Michaele was never one of their cheerleaders.

        • oopsy says:

          Meg, nope. She was not a cheerleader.

        • tuzentswurth says:

          If you watch here at the cheering thing , last episode, she runs into that group of women hugging people at random, but not calling anyone by name, just Hi Honey, good to see you, etc, then runs on to someone else. She didn’t know any of those people and they didn’t know her.

          • WindyCityWondering says:

            Missy could clear this all up by just producing a photo of her cheering BUT SHE DOESN’T HAVE ONE! Same with the whitehouse crashing – NO INVITATION. Smoke and mirrors and lies.

            • Meg1964 says:

              Jen Sale tweeted today that she admits in the book that she wasn’t a cheerleader. What did she for them was promo stuff, like selling tshirts, etc.

  44. tuzentswurth says:

    Thanks Boston02127 for the following info:

    http://pedrowatcher.ocregister.com/2010/09/24/o-c-district-attorney-declines-housewife-case/27584/

    Seemed a little dramatic of Tamra to me too. Her children don’t need Mommy calling the police to arrest Daddy unless it is justified. This just didn’t seem like it was.

    • Meg1964 says:

      Agree. He’s an asshole, and he did come across as mentally abusive, but I feel like she probably called the popo (ho) because they haven’t been in the news lately and she needed a little publicity.

      I personally would’ve probably thrown the damn leash back at him.. or maybe choked him with it. ;)

    • Jeana (@LuvToLoveU) says:

      How in the World is Juicy going to get to the Pizza Parlor and Money Laundry Mat if he can’t drive? How will he get his liquor and such?? Tara said “no money, no honey!” Tree is too busy bar hopping, spamming, and fame whoring to take him everyday! I mean, I guess he could take a bus but he is such the “Celeb” that people would just mob the bus. Oh Joe, you really got yourself in a pickle!

      That @TomyManzo_ on twitter is a hoot! He’s on a roll today!

  45. Megan says:

    I loved this! Spit out my Pinot Grigio (just call me Ramona!) as I was reading. Love, love, LOVE your recaps!!!

  46. Need a Hobby says:

    Fans come out for glimpse of ‘Real Housewives’ star
    Giudice meets with devotees at nightclub in Wilmington

    http://www.delawareonline.com/article/20100927/NEWS/9270332

    • From the article:

      Giudice made the rounds to visit with those who paid an extra $40 to get into the club’s VIP lounge for extra time with the star.

      Ryan Hall, a guest in the VIP lounge, had come all the way from Mississippi to see Giudice.

      And was he excited to see her?

      “Are you kidding? I came all the way from Mississippi to be here,” he said. “I’m a lawyer, and I took off work and missed court to be here.”

      If you ever find youself in Mississippi and need a lawyer, do NOT hire Ryan Hall!

      • Need a Hobby says:

        I know how effin crazy is that???? He’s clearly an idiot.

        What would be even better is if he lied about being sick or going to a funeral, and then someone reads this article where he’s all queening out over the tacky table flipper & posts it at his workplace &/or send it to his clients.

        Seriously, guy, get a grip!!!! How sad. There’s a whole world of fabulousity and this guy goes for Teresa G?? How low rent is that? *shakes head amazedly*

        Oh by the way, it was late last night when I posted so I forgot to remark on T’s wearing a few conservative items from the ready to wear version of the “Mad Max” collection. I think to complete the look maybe she could add a couple spiked arm guards & collar.

        And a muzzle.

      • I had to check this one out cause I thought I knew all the crazy people in Mississippi. I missed one. She just finished law school.

        If you want to twitter her …. @rhall_lsu She is all over twitter about Tree!!!

        From LINKED IN:
        Current
        * Attorney at Young Williams PC

        Past
        * Legal Extern at City Attorney’s Office, Litigation Department, Jackson, MS
        * Runner at Barnes & Green, P.A.

        Education
        * Mississippi College School of Law
        * Parklane Academy

    • tuzentswurth says:

      This struck me as really funny. Teresa says this is her FIRST time in Delaware. FIRST TIME IN DELAWARE?????? You live in New Jersey! No wonder she didn’t know how to act when she went to Italy!

      • Meg1964 says:

        OH hell… even I’ve been to Deleware and I live in the deep south. LOL

        Well, you do remember on the epi of their anniversary – the pilot flew them over Central Park and that moron she’s married to said “Oh, look.. a park”.. Pilot says “Yes, that’s Central Park”.

        Honestly.. you can’t make this shit up. How did he NOT know that was Central Park??

  47. Larue says:

    I have two comments today:

    1) Who would pay money to see this worthless skanky criminal, much less pad her pockets buy purchasing the book she did not write.

    2) There is nothing more useless than a man without a driver’s license.

  48. Jennifer says:

    Just so you know.. Melissa thought this was disgusting and obnoxious..Good job idiot

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