The Real Housewives of New Jersey is coming to an end and The Real Housewives of DC are kinda boring and you probably thought that you were going to spend less time on the internet obsessing over the shows and get back to your real life. Well think again. Just when you thought there might be hope for your Real Housewives Addiction, Bravo comes out with a new and improved super sized addition to The Real Housewives franchise. I think Andy was getting sick of all these broke ass fauxlebreties pretending to be something that they weren’t (*cough cough*, Teresa, Lynn, Nene, Alexis etc, etc, etc yadda yadda and so on and so forth…..) So they went to the one zip code where they were guaranteed to find a bunch of fake bitches with real money. Beverly Hills! The seaon is set to premier on October 14. Apparently Bravo’s plan is to eventually have a new Housewives episode airing every night of the week. You should all just divorce your husbands and put your kids up for adoption now, because if Bravo gets their way you will be glued to your tv screen 24 hours a day, looking away only to check the blogs and twitter.
Let’s take a sneak peak at what is sure to be our newest obsession:
Kim is sister to Kathy Hilton and aunt to Paris and Nicky Hilton and you can see the family resemblance. This is what Paris Hilton is going to look like in 20 years. Not bad. She was a child actress and stared in a whole bunch of tv shows and movies that I’ve never heard of. She did make a few guest appearances on Different Strokes, ChIPS, and Magnum PI, remember those shows? Neither do I. Her bio says that she decided to go into early retirement but I have a feeling she didn’t decide to go into early retirement as much as she was forced into early retirement. She has four kids from three different baby daddies. Her oldest daughter is from her first marriage, she has a boy and a girl from her second marriage, and a girl with her ex boyfriend. She is creating a jewelry line and donates to charity bla bla bla. Her shoes are awesome, but are clearly too big for her feet. They couldn’t have photoshoped that? Her younger sister Kyle Richards not only has a boys name, but is also going to be on the show.
Kyle has amazing hair and I want to know where she got her extensions. Seriously, I love her hair. Her bio says that she was also a child actress and continues to work in her adult life. I don’t know where she works, but I don’t think it’s on tv or film. Like her older sister, she also starred in a bunch of tv shows and movies that I’ve never heard of. The only show on her resume that I recognise is Little House on the Praire, but she couldn’t have been a main character because I used to watch that show and I just can’t place her. She is married to a realtor who works for the family business (Hilton & Hyland) has four daughters ranging from ages 2 – 21, three with her current husband and one from a previous marriage. I love her big bracelets and big rings, but the stripper heels aren’t really working for me.
Camille very recently became the third ex wife of Kelsey Grammar who’s new girlfriend is not only pregnant, but is half her age. She must be pissed about that. Her and Kelsey have a daughter and a son together, both born with a surrogate mother. Her bio describes her as a model, actress, and dancer, but like all the other “model/actress” housewives out there – I’ve never heard of her, or any of the shows or movies she’s supposedly done. She likes to collect rare books. Sounds fascinating… Yawn. Well hey, at least she can read, that’s more than we can say for some of the current Housewives. She suffers from Irritable Bowl Syndrome (I swear I’m not making this up) so there is a chance we might get to see her shit herself sooner or later.
Aside from having a name that sounds rich and snotty, she is also British. I know many of you are cringing at the thought of another Brit being on the show after enduring the offensive loudmouth known as Cat from DC, but I think this lady might be able to repair some of the damage done to the British reputation. She has two adult children and has been married for almost 29 years. She lived in Monte Carlo and the South of France before moving to California. She owns two restaurants (watch out Sonja), has a skin care line (watch out Ramona) and writes a page each month for Beverly Hills Lifestyle magazine (watch out KKB). Hopefully she will speak clearly and her accent won’t be as frustrating to decipher as Cat’s. The bracelet she is wearing looks just like one Teresa always wears, but I bet this one is actually real – and paid for.
Taylor is from Oklahoma and has lived in California for 7 years. She is married to a venture capitalist (another one of those vague terms that may or may not mean “broke scam artist”) from Texas and they have a four year old daughter. From her Bravo Bio:
This Midwestern girl knows how powerful men in Beverly Hills work, so she makes sure that she is always looking her best because she knows that something younger and prettier can always come along and catch her husbands’ eye.
Her hobbies include going out to dinner and gossiping. I’ll give you all 3 guesses how I feel about this one already. If anyone is the fugazi in this group, it’s her.
Adrienne is a member of the “Maloof Family Dynasty”. Her family owns the Sacramento Kings. In Lil’ Wayne’s song “I’m Blooded” he has a line where he says “and I own my own team I’m like a Maloof...” You know you’re cool when your name ends up in a hip hop song. Her family also owns the Palms Casino in Las Vegas and Sweeping Palms Entertainment which produced such gems as Living Lohan. According to her bio she is actively involved in the running of both the sports team and the Casino. Whether or not this is actually true or just something her family let her say to make her bio more interesting, I don’t know. The Maloof Company is one of the largest single shareholders in Wells Fargo Bank. They also have exclusive proprietorship rights to the distribution of Coors, Miller, Corona, Heineken, Red Bull, and Guinness products throughout New Mexico. I think they could have made an entire show just about her family. Her husband is a plastic surgeon and she has three young sons, two of which are twins. She has a degree in political science from the University of New Mexico, but Kelly went to Columbia so degrees don’t really mean much in Housewife World. I love her shoes, hate her dress. She reminds me of Shakira in this picture. And I love me some Shakira.