The Real Housewives of New Jersey Season Two Finale

The show starts off at Teresa’s house. Anyone else notice that they always play this slow, dopey, humpty dumpty music at the start of Teresa’s scenes?

Teresa is cooking in a Skinny Girl apron that she died black and is trying to pass off as her own. If you like the range featured in this photo, it is a Wolf 48″ stainless steel range with a 6 burner stove and charbroiler on top and double ovens below and will be available for purchase on October 3rd at 12pm at 6 Indian Lane in Montville Township, New Jersey.

Teresa says that the Italy trip brought them all closer together, but I don’t really see how that is possible since everyone was clearly (and rightfully) annoyed by the behavior of her children and her husband and she basically told them all to “go scratch” in her interviews and blogs.

I just want to point something out here: These are the chairs from Teresa’s round table that is in her kitchen. And this room is the Living Room – you can see the couches pushed against the wall. These two observations lead me to belive that Teresa does not have a furnished dinning room. I am also going to go a step further and speculate that there is a plastic folding table under that fancy table cloth.

Teresa subtly plugs her book by saying that Italian food doesn’t make you fat and she doesn’t know why people think that. No one at the table is particularly skinny, Joe is a balloon, Teresa and Jacqueline are both having trouble getting the baby weight off, Caroline used diet supplements, and Albert had to have surgery to lose weight. Sorry Teresa, but your dinner party doesn’t make a very good commercial for a book about staying skinny.

Jac knows Teresa is full of crap and tries to hide her smirk by shoveling food into her mouth

Joe is drunk already and spills wine all over Chris’s hand.

Caroline asks how Trashley is doing and Jac tries her best to act surprised and like she didn’t know that the purpose of the entire dinner is to set up Caroline’s meeting with Danielle.

Caroline does her best Godfather impression. I think she likes hanging around with Jac and Teresa because they make her feel smart and important.

Check out Chris’s body language whenever his sister talks. I’m telling you – there is something up with him.

Caroline starts going on about all the horrible things Danielle has done to the family. And are you ready for it? Are you ready to finally hear what the hell Danielle did to these people that was so horrible, awful, unimaginable and unforgivable? Here it is:

1 – Danielle said that Teresa’s house was in foreclosure. Which is technically true, Teresa does own a house that is “under” foreclosure, just not the one she is living in.

2 – “What she tried to do to Christopher.” What was that exactly? Her psychological F U? Danny calling him a gay slur? Get over it Caroline. Critofer is a big boy. He will survive.

3 – “The Dina situation.” After two seasons they are still refusing to reveal what exactly the “Dina situation” is. But whatever it is, it can’t be all that bad because at the beginning of the season Dina was texting Danielle and attempting to be on good terms with her. The truce ended only after Danielle put chairs out for Dina and Jac at her luncheon even though she knew they weren’t coming. Crazy? Yes. A reason to hate someone? No.

4 – And we can’t forget the thing with Ashley. Oh, this horrible thing with Ashley. Danielle wants justice for having her hair ripped out – the monster!

And that’s about all there is on Caroline’s list. 4 things that aren’t even real things. These people are grasping at straws to find a reason to dislike Danielle.

Then Caroline tells them that they have to come up with a way to get Danielle (the woman who avoids super markets in the off chance she might run into one of them and runs away when they try to talk to her) out of their lives. And how are they going to do this? By not talking about her anymore? By not going out of their way to talk to her when they see her? By not chasing her? By not instigating with her on Facebook and text messages?
No. She is going to do it by meeting with her, of course. Caroline saw how well that worked for Dina, so she figured why not do exactly the same thing?

Jacqueline and Chris think Caroline’s little “Boss Woman going to meet the devil to protect the family” act is as ridiculous as we do.

Caroline wastes no time. She texts Danielle right there at the table.

There was another scene of Caroline’s phone, but it was only up for a second, so I took a screen shot in case any of you missed it.

Danielle asks: “How the fuck did she get my number?” I’m sure she got it from Jacqueline, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. The question is: why was it stored in her phone? Danielle says she changed all of their names in her phonebook to “Don’t answer”. I also used to do that for people I didn’t like… in high school.

Jillian wants to know what normal person would want to go meet Caroline Manzo. Poor, innocent, naive Jillian. The answer is that no normal person would want to go to that meeting – only your mother would.

Danielle gives her the look of death.
Danielle says that she is going to the meeting to get the dignity and respect that she deserves. Lmao. Good luck with that Danielle.

Jac, Chris, and Trashley agree (for the 87th time) that they are not going to talk about Danielle anymore. Trashley smirks, acts sarcastic, disrespectful, and is clearly very proud of herself for pulling Danielle’s hair. I can’t stand Trashley or her stupid Smurf hats. Sorry Jac, better luck with the next two.

Danny comes over to Danielle’s and they discuss the upcoming meeting with Caroline. Danny seems to spend a lot of time hanging out with Danielle during the day. Doesn’t his parole conditions require him to have a job?

Danielle didn’t have a new vocabulary word this week, so she is still using “proverbial” every chance she gets.

The last time Danielle had a confrontation with Caroline she called her garbage and Danielle still hasn’t gotten over it. So the only reasonable thing to do is bring guys with guns to the meeting. Because you can never be too careful when dealing with a 5 foot tall housewife who utters insults without warning.

Caroline’s children also think it’s a bad idea to have a meeting with Danielle. But the producers really need this horribly boring season to end with a bang, and being the team player that she is, Caroline is going to go along with this ridiculous story line.

Why does Albie talk like he just got his tongue pierced?

I am just fascinated by this whole “energist” thing the women are into. It’s amazing. Brilliant idea. I think I’m going to become one. You want to give me money to send positive energy your way? No problem. Done. Call me any time.

The women each prepare for their “meeting”. It’s very dramatic with the dark scenes and the music and all. Andy Cohen and Dana White ignored my tweets, but I still feel that a UFC style cage match would be an appropriate way to end each season. And more entertaining than a fake meeting.

Caroline is pretending to be a boss. Complete with trench coat and brief case

Danielle is pretending to be important with her body guards and driver – who I might add look less like a Mafia and more like a couple of retired police officers trying to make some extra cash.

The whole thing is comical. Caroline should be embarrassed. Danielle should be too, but I don’t think embarrassment is an emotion she is capable of feeling.

Caroline learned from Good Fellas that when you are meeting someone you don’t trust, you should always arrive 15 minutes early.
Would you drink the tap water in Jersey? After seeing the way these women act I wouldn’t trust it. Just sayin.

Over at the Brownstone everyone is waiting for Caroline to join them after her meeting.

Poor Joe. Out of the entire 11 mil, that necklace is probably the only thing he actually got for himself.

Well, it hasn’t been very long since the scene where the Laurita’s agreed to never speak of Danielle again, and once again Jac is going on and on and on about Danielle’s past and stuff everyone already knows and no one cares about anymore. Ashley says what the rest of us are thinking: that she’s sick of hearing Jac say the exact same thing over and over again. Jac does not like being confronted with the truth. Especially not when the cameras are rolling.

Jac says that she was simply trying to point out that Danielle lied.
Ashley says that she knows – she hears it every single day
Jac says that Ashley couldn’t possibly hear it every single day because she isn’t home every single day.
They sound like a couple of children when they argue.

When Ashley comes back from the bathroom Derek lays down the law and puts his little woman in her place. If she steps out of line again, she’s gonna get a back hand right across the face.

Finally we get to the meeting. Caroline starts off real good. She’s talking, she’s being nice and calm, and Danielle is agreeing with everything she says. All seems to be going well. But I think where Caroline loses her (where she lost me) is when she says that she doesn’t understand why Danielle wants to pursue charges on Ashley, because since Danielle herself is a criminal, she should be more understanding of criminal behavior. (I’m paraphrasing – but that’s pretty much what she said.)

Caroline abandons her idea of getting Danielle to drop the charges on Trashley pretty quickly in favor of talking down to her in order to make herself feel superior. They go back and forth for a while. Danielle can’t name one thing Caroline ever did to her. Caroline can’t name one thing Danielle ever did to her. Neither one of them can come up with a reason why they hate the other. No one watching has any clue what even started this feud in the first place and we aren’t getting any answers out of this conversation. Apparently Caroline has friends under indictment but they edit out her response because Bravo wants one more “mystery” to keep us talking and speculating about the show.

Caroline is trying to make Danielle feel bad, but Danielle really isn’t too bothered by any of the non sense Caroline is spewing. Caroline is desperate, scrambling, trying to find a way to get to her, and then in her rush to come up with an insult, Caroline makes a big mistake. Of all the insulting words in the English language that she could have chosen, she (with her bright read hair and heavy makeup) calls Danielle a clown. Danielle finds this insult as absurd as the rest of us do. Oh Caroline, why did you do this to yourself? I don’t even feel bad because you totally asked for it:

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The meeting was pointless. Caroline didn’t get the charges dropped, Danielle didn’t get the respect she wanted, and we didn’t get the dramatic ending we were hoping for. Caroline was right about one thing – we are all losers in a losing game.

Danielle goes home and tells her daughters “it’s done, it’s finished” as though she accomplished something. She went, she got called a clown and garbage, and she came home. Nice job Danielle.
She did accomplish some good lines though:
To Caroline: “Know your place Caroline. You ain’t no matriarch of my family.”
To Teresa: “My kids wore lace and crinoline at those ages. Okay? My dogs wear leopard” Oooooh. Burn.

Caroline shows up at the Brownstone and tells everyone her slightly altered version of events. Then she lets them all know that they are never to speak of Danielle or have anything to do with her ever again. And they all agree. Good. Done. End of the drama.

Two minutes later, they all decide that they should make a toast (for the second time this season) to having nothing to do with Danielle ever again.

If you are on twitter, you will know that although Jac and Trashley were seen nodding their heads in this scene, they clearly did not get the message as they continue to obsess over Danielle on twitter. And what has Danielle said about them since filming wrapped? Not much.

The final scenes:

Bravo Translation: Using her 15 minutes to sell as much crap as possible before the world forgets who she is.


Bravo Translation: Christine is very talented and is working hard towards buying her mother that condo on the water she wants. Jillian has been reduced to being a street performer.


Bravo Translation: Jacqueline is boring…. and disloyal.


Bravo Translation: A criminal court case is the most exciting thing going on in Ashley’s life. Outside of being a violent brat, she just sits around twittering non sense all day and watching tv.


Bravo Translation: Broke bitch.


Bravo Translation: Albie did what all good American boys do when they fail at their goals – become a cop.


Bravo Translation: Caroline gets to spend more time with Albert and she couldn’t be happier. Albert on the other hand is contemplating suicide.

Read Caroline’s Blog Here

Read Reunion Clip Recap Here

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29 Responses to The Real Housewives of New Jersey Season Two Finale

  1. debbie says:

    I was chuckling up until this paragraph:
    ” Danielle can’t name one thing Caroline ever did to her. Caroline can’t name one thing Danielle ever did to her. Neither one of them can come up with a reason why they hate the other. No one watching has any clue what even started this feud in the first place and we aren’t getting any answers out of this conversation.”
    Then I was laughing..hard! That sums up this episode so well.. The screen caps following were great and kept me laughing.. Funny how the whole season boiled down to those few screencaps. Thank you so much for making this season of RHONJ bearable.
    I was so bored watching this season and have snarky comments I could make. Usually after watching I’m irritated and can’t wait to vent. Today, I’m leaving with a smile and not feeling the need.. (until the reunion!)

    • I also thought this season was boring.
      The funnest part is the blogs and twitter and making fun of them afterwards.
      If it weren’t for the blogs, I don’t think I would even watch the show.

      • debbie says:

        You’re absolutely right..bravo should be giving you and a couple other bloggers an override on advertising revenue.. I know that if I hadn’t found you and starting reading your blogs , I don’t think I would have finished watching RHONJ..
        So , Bravo owes all of you a debt of gratitude for increasing ratings and subsequently, advertising dollars..
        I think the 3k they supposedly pay NJ per episode should also be alloted to a few of the bloggers, even if split..It’s a paltry sum but one I think they can afford. lmao

  2. BonBon says:

    Brilliant!

  3. Snarkella says:

    OMG! This was worth the wait (I’ve been waiting for this since yesterday morning. Seems like forever. LOL). You capture every nuance of absurdity and highlight it with a fat yellow marker. I love it!

    Loved how you pointed out that Teresa’s dining table is actually in her living room.
    Loved the photo of Chris with the red thought bubbles. LMAO
    Loved the list of 4 grievances against Danielle.
    Loved your comments about Trashley and her Smurf hat. LOL
    Loved this sentence, “I think where Caroline loses her (where she lost me) is when she says that she doesn’t understand why Danielle wants to pursue charges on Ashley, because since Danielle herself is a criminal, she should be more understanding of criminal behavior.” LOLOLOLOLOL

    Great recap!

  4. MomsThoughts says:

    Great! I was laughing aloud again! Perfect recap!

  5. Meg1964 says:

    I have no idea what you do for a living… but you should do something with comedy and writing! Hilarious again!

  6. Lynn says:

    LMAO!!!!! Comic Gold! Hahahahahhahaha

    • Thank u everyone!

      Meg – maybe Bravo could give me a job as a script writer?

      I already know the story line for next season: Kim G makes Teresa miserable, Jacqueline stops speaking to Ashley, Caroline gets drunk and tells Teresa how she really feels about her, and everyone forgets who Dina Manzo is.

      • Meg1964 says:

        Absolutely! I’m going to put “my team” on this right now. Please be sure to write Teresa out of the script, but not before Kim G buys up all her shit and sells it on ebay. I want to see Teresa’s reaction. Oh.. and I also want Teresa’s reaction when Juicy leaves her with those 4 squalling brats. Other than that.. I don’t want epidsodes with Teresa.

        Ok? :)

  7. Tam5115 says:

    Perfect!

    Caroline is a doofus. Danielle is delusional and Teresa is a lying bitch.

  8. NMhousewife says:

    Fantastic Blog! I was laughing the whole time. Can’t wait until your take on the reunion.

  9. Need a Hobby says:

    Great laugh out loud recap! Thanks! :)

  10. flowerpower1948 says:

    Plus, did I mention that YOUR final thoughts next to their photos were simply spot on, cutting through all the bullcrap.
    Yes. Bravo should hire you, but you’ve just got one thing working against you: Integrity. And I’m not talking the the same intergrity that Caroline, Ashley,Danielle, Jax, ad nauseum all proclaim, to have.
    As Al Sharpton once said:
    “They can’t handle the truth!”
    And nopw I’ll go and make some lemons out of lemonade.

    • *As Al Sharpton once said: “They can’t handle the truth!”*

      Literally laughing out loud at that.
      Ya I can’t work for Bravo, I’m too honest and not good at keeping my opinions to myself. I’d be crashing the reunions and running up on stage and throwing pillows at people until they tell the truth.
      Actually… that might be good for ratings. Andy – call me!

  11. debbie says:

    Hi again.. you said:
    “I’d be crashing the reunions and running up on stage and throwing pillows at people until they tell the truth.”
    You could be the next Bravo-lebrity..And I believe Andy would be eternally grateful to you…being hit by pillows has to be a lot more inviting than being pushed around by that niiiiicccceee “lady” Teresa….

  12. BonBon says:

    This was a tour de force recap. I would love to share parts of it with another blogger, with your permission and give you the credit.

  13. Kristi says:

    Are those black disposable plates? Thought they could afford a little better quality … but then again maybe not! LOL

  14. Ooh, i know! says:

    I just read a blog from someone w inside info that sounded credible and logical. What danielle did to dina to earn the garbage remark was to go after dinas husband. She wanted to show that even though the women wouldnt fuck with her, the men would, and shed get another psychological fu on them. But that plus loads more dating back years, no one wanted to air, hence the vaguities of why, exactly, there is so much animosity. Now the comments and resonses at the reunion etc. Make sense. That person also had info about teresa. I will find the the link, but you have to tell me what you think after you read. Deal?

  15. Ooh, i know!thesmiths says:

    Shoot i forgot to hit the email notification button. Im on my phone so please excuse the lack of punctuation. Also i know im late to the party but i got all swept up in their damn reruns!

  16. maryline says:

    I’m late in the game and just now discovering this blog…love it. So spot on. LOL.

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