I’m going to do my recap a little differently this time. Since the show was way too boring to go over scene by scene, I’m going to go over it character by character.
We can add bidet to the growing list of words this dim witted doorknob is not able to pronounce correctly. She knows -sorta- what it’s called, but I’m not sure she knows what it’s used for. When her daughter said it was a little sink she didn’t correct her, instead she said “Yeah it’s a little sink.”
But it’s ok, because as Teresa explained, she has only been speaking the English language since kindergarten. So now it all makes sense.
If this woman speaks Italian then I am fluent in Taiwanese. I don’t need to understand Italian to be able to tell that she isn’t speaking that language properly either.
Someone should call Child Protective Services because the dresses she made those girls wear to dinner were child abuse. And she paraded her family in like they were Royals attending a meal with their loyal subjects in order to formally present the newest air to the throne. This woman is so fucking delusional. I just want to reach through the screen and shake some sense into her…. or the life out of her. Either one would be fine with me.
Poor Joe. Some people think he is a thief and a criminal. Maybe he is. But I feel bad for him. I think he is an insecure man who was desperate to make his wife happy with material things. He wanted to play Bobby to her Jill. Unfortunately, he ain’t no Bobby Zarin. She doesn’t play a bad Jill though.
To his credit, he isn’t sitting on his ass counting the money he stole. He is working long hours and trying to be careful with how much he spends. I don’t think Joe had any fun on that trip. I don’t think him “bitchin” on the bus was funny or amusing. I think it was sad. And also incredibly inappropriate because there were young children present. The stress had clearly gotten the best of him. He was carrying the weight of 11 million dollars on his shoulders and his wife just kept piling it on and telling him to stop complaining.
Albert calls Teresa and Joe’s kids “special”. Not special, “special“. Lol.
Albert was actually likable in this scene. But I have a big problem with something here:
Boots! Boots on the bed and on the jacket!
I never said anything before, but I have a problem with all of these housewives wearing their shoes around the house, especially the ones who have young children crawling around on hands and knees, but this is just taking it to a whole new level.
Chris and Caroline are FINALLY in a scene together. Does anyone else notice that we never see Chris have any sort of interaction with either of his sisters? I forget that they are related sometimes. Even in this scene they stand on opposite sides of their parents and don’t speak directly to each other.
Caroline says that she would have never eaten the sausage had she known that it came from the slaughter room. That sausage she ate in Italy was probably the most humanely killed sausage she has ever eaten in her life. Where does she think the ham that her children like to throw around the kitchen comes from? It comes from a place a lot worse than that little slaughtering room. I encourage anyone reading this to please click the “Social Vibe” widget on the right side of my blog with the cow on it. The only thing it will cost you is a 2 minutes of your time.
Jacqueline says: “If one of Teresa’s kids didn’t have a bow on their head, she would make one out of toilet paper.” If you saw the cartoon I made of Teresa and Danielle then you know why I’m laughing my ass off right now.
After watching Jacqueline tell Joe she’d make him squeal like a pig while holding that feather duster thing, I can totally picture her all dressed up in black leather and spanking Chris with a paddle while making him kiss her boot. Maybe that’s why he’s so quiet all the time? Because he only speaks when his master allows him?
Danielle’s vocabulary word of the week: Proverbial
I don’t have much else to say about Danielle in this episode. I don’t believe she is really looking for her birth mother. She loves her “Sicilian woman from a prominent family” story and doesn’t want to admit that she is really the daughter of a Puerto Rican prostitute from Newark.
Next week Caroline who has been so good at resisting temptation, finally gives into her desires and meets with the object of her obsession: Danielle. For the first time this entire season, I am actually excited for next weeks episode.
Teresa still hasn’t put her blog up yet. I guess she is trying to get all her lies and stories in order before she posts it.
UPDATE: Here is Teresa’s Bravo Blog for this episode